WEEK 6 CKL POWER POLL

CKL Fans, Combatants, and wayward Internetters, welcome to CKL’s post Week 6 2012 POWER POLL. There have been clear changes, as the centrifuge that is the CKL schedule separates the heavy metal from those light in the pants. Once again, sans clear metrics or useful insight, and with just slightly more than a cursory look at the teams in question, without further ado: read on! Note: these rankings will overwhelmingly focus on this year’s performance, with a sprinkle of past history thrown in when convenient. This edition’s theme: NFL QBs!

1. Jesus the Moose (6-0) PF: 648 PA:487 W6

Moose-A-Moose is fapping all over the league right now, with enviable top-end talent at each position. Seriously, who wants to face a triumvirate of Beast Mode, Breezy, and Megatron come playoffs. Yep, I said. This bitch is going to the playoffs. Ben is like the fat high school chick who not only lost weight, but put in some D cups. Damn, the fact that you were such an ugly slug before makes you even hotter now! JTM has real chance to make some noise now. Will he impress the pundits by dropping a load on Pinky’s tramp stamp this weekend?

NFL QB: RGIII

TRENDING: In awesome, uncharted territory like the new Mars rover.

2. Pink Nightmare (5-1) PF: 596 PA:460 L1

When the shit is the last time Pinko lost? Who knows. Of course, Joey would be the one to do it. But, even though the Nightmare remains the terror of your dreams, is he starting to lose sleep over the HOUTEX running game’s impact on his championship hopes? We’ll know if you all start to see some offers for Arian/Ben in your inboxes this or next week. Don’t bite, bitches! HATE HATE HATE.

NFL QB: Drew Brees

TRENDING: Like the Germans before the siege at Stalingrad

3.Blackpool Penguins (5-1) PF: 626 PA: 555 W2

You down with BPP? Is this an expansion team? He’s got youthful, dynamic skill players and a steady Eddy at QB. If he stays healthy, the Penguin-man will be a force in the playoffs. For REELZ, yo. Norris took care of business last week, beating back a stiff TMS thrust. I’m going to let that one marinate for you fools, shudder.

NFL QB: Andy Dalton

TRENDING: At Base Camp, ready to ascend K2

4. THUNDER BEAR (6-0) PF: 327.5 PA: 266.6 W6

Too low? NOPE. This is science, bitches. THUNDY is beasting folks, and still dialed in. He dodged a bullet with RG3 Concussion Scare I. And there is a lot mental instability in that WR corps. Nathan, do you interview these guys? I think you need to give them the Jeff Ireland treatment…(remember the Dolphins GM asked Dez Bryant if his mom was a whore). That said, your sabr>my gut. Keep on keepin on, playa.

NFL QB: Peyton Manning

TRENDING: Balling up his fist, ready to kick Russ’ ass.

5. Barclay Street Bruisers (4-2) PF: 639 PA: 566 W2

BSB is emerging, like Marlo on the corner. Quiet, calculating, dangerous. And he’s got the young gun, Michael (Luck), at the point, cleaning up his messes and taking out rivals. But looks like he’ll need that NE running game to give him something, or he looks like a potential early exit in the ‘offs. Whatcha gonna do, bud? Add some sizzle to the bacon, and no one will want a piece of you in December.

NFL QB: Joe Flacco

TRENDING: Brewing like El Nino in the Pacific.

6. Roo Tang Clan (3-3) PF: 561 PA: 594 W1

This asshole was making trade offers while his wife was spitting out another Sellers (Seller?). Selfish, yes! Do I wanna be that guy? YES! Congrats, by the way. Joe’s team has become the CKL hoe-bag door knob. Every elite player gets a turn. Why do they get a chance? Because he has talent to offer. He’s the only person who can trade away herpes with no long term effects (I’m talking about you, DeMarco Murray!) Will the Red Rifle be enough to fuel a late season surge? Probably not. But the odds are, he won’t be there at the end. Keep it up, Joe, and you may end up with more in season trades than Doc will have in season acquisitions!

NFL QB: Ben Roethlisberger

TRENDING: Hulking up.

7. Double-O Daddy (3-3) PF: 585 PA: 582 L1

In spite of their collective productivity demonstrated over the now-paper-tiger defense that is the Cowboys running attack, I have little faith in Felix and DeMarco. I have acquired, relied, and cried over those bitches. Now I laugh, because surely Odin and Oscar are watching daddy scratching his crotch. Bad news for you, boys. Daddy’s got herpes, and the Cowboys are the donor. Or maybe it was Gronk. Maybe Matty “Ice” will be the relief you need. Good luck, bro. I hear it never goes away. TMS still has the scars to prove it.

NFL QB: Matt Schaub

TRENDING: All over the place, like a white person doing “The Wobble” at a wedding

T8 (2-4) Nth Degree (545-598 W1), Glitterfist Lasersnakes (528-617 L2), Kick Azz Giants (520-584 L1)

What a hot mess here...All of these teams have fatal flaws that hide sparks of potential, like the following stereotypical HS outcasts: Rookie is the book worm chick with the uptight parents who won’t let her go to the sock hop, less she get that rock and roll fever. GFLS is the new girl who can’t speak “Ingalich” very well, and is wearing hand-me-downs from her fatter older sister. Doc is like the chick with huge knockers and an ass and a half, but with stinky breath and needs a perm. Which one would you bang first? Who the fuck knows…but there would definitely be some booze involved, and you would NOT tell your bros for a LONG time.

TRENDING: Like wildlife trapped in an oil spill

Rookie NFL QB: Alex Smith

Doc NFL QB: Ryan Fitzpatrick

Patrick NFL QB: Brandon Weeden

(Hard one!)


11. Vageens (2-4) PF: 274.5 PA: 309.4 L3

How sour was Mark after watching the Pack put up 42, and see ZERO scores from Green. Such is life for the lowest scoring outfit in the CKL. This is reminder to those at the top…there’s only one way to go once you’ve reached the top. One day, you’re toasting the cup, the next day, you’ve got Carson Palmer in your starting lineup. That shit rhymed.

NFL QB: Trent Dilfer (Seriously, that dude won a SB?)

TRENDING: Like Howard Dean after his famous “byaaaaaaah” (Seriously, WTF happened to that dude!)

T12. Achilles Heel and The Flaccid Stick (1-5) PF: 252 PA:291.4 L1

Kirk, your team sucks balls. And so does mine. We got flaws aplenty, and as much bad luck as anyone. One year, the Civil War will matter for both of us, and the rest of the league. Just not this year. The owner of the unlucky 13th slot will inevitably be the loser of this week’s Civil War. Bring your guns, you piece of shit.

TRENDING: On the wrong end of a waterboarding session.

Kirk NFL QB: Mark Sanchez

Russell NFL QB: Tim Tebow

It's the death of Stonewall Jackson, you idiots.)

14. Juris United (0-6) PF: 500 PA:670 L6

If you were a fart, you'd be a shart. If you were a car, you’d be a Yugo. If you were a chick, you’d be MaDea. If you were a country, you’d be Cambodia. If you were a food, you’d be a rotting banana. If you were a disease, you’d be polio (neutralized, get it?). If you were a law, you’d be declared unconstitutional. If you were a fork, you’d have one tine. If you were a grenade, you wouldn’t explode. You’ve hit rock bottom, though. Don’t worry, I’ll be taking your place in a couple of weeks! I’ll let you write my commentary if that’s so.

NFL QB: Sage Rosenfels

TRENDING: Trying to commit suicide in the car, but the battery’s dead (see Mad Men)

Early Coach of the Year Nomination...

This is from Ben:

Alright, most hilarious and awesome example of dedication to this league. Joe, fresh off the birth of his third kid and surely in some corner of a hospital, just texted me a trade offer. Coach of the year goes to the Roo Tang Clan, hands down, regardless of record.

Wednesday FAABnalysis -- 10/10/12

Going in to this week's FAAB I was very excited, because I knew it'd be a really interesting bidding session.  Cedric Benson goes down with a Lisfranc injury.  Explosive Alex Green steps in.  But plodding workhorse James Starks says, "not so fast."  Ryan Williams goes down with a Virginia Tech-syle sprained mammary gland or whatever (I'm sure he cried after the injury, too.)  Diminutive scatback LaRod Stephens-Howling steps in.  Or maybe something called a William Powell steps in.  Or maybe long-forgotten and never-all-that-good Alfonso Smith steps in.  Or maybe the Cards trade for the Saints' übur-underappreciated Chris Ivory.  Or maybe we should all just say fuck it because the Arizona run game is total shite.  Add to that the ongoing bye week scramble, big games from Jordan Norwood and Robert Meachem on waivers, and lots of younger guys getting more opportunities, and we had ourselves a recipe for a tangy and intoxicating FAAB cocktail today.

I was definitely excited to see this week's FAAB unfold, I was excited to write this week's FAABnalysis, and the fireworks did not fail to impress.  So let's get to it...

$117 spent today on 18 money claims, a cool $6.50 per purchase.  But this week we saw our biggest bid to date, and it was Mark pushing his chips to the center of the table for Alex Green.


Alex Green -- $32 to Mark
dropped: Rod Streater / other bids: $27 to Rookie, $25 to Norris, $21 to Kendall, $18 to Nathan, $13 to Russ, $7 to Kirk, $6 to Ben, $0 to Derrick
Joe cast his lot with James Starks, so I can excuse his lack of a bid in this auction.  Chad, Paul, Patrick, and Alan --- what the hell, guys?  What are you waiting for?  I don't get it, guys.  I just don't get it.  Why not participate in this auction?  You don't owe me an explanation, but I'd love to hear one, because I just don't understand.

Anyway, kudos to Mark for going as high as he needed to go to get his guy, and the potential impact of Alex Green is a very nice red cherry to have right now.  Young, fast, explosive back in a potential top-5 NFL offense stepping right into a massive influx of carries/targets and possessing a skill set that jives particularly well with his offense.  What's not to like?  I almost bid all $37 of my remaining pool, but ultimately decided that I needed to keep some money for emergencies.  I think Mark might get burned by this big bid, but the odds are just as good that he just picked up a top-10 running back for the remainder of the season.  Well done.

Alex Green Claim Grade: A

Robert Meachem -- $15 to Paul
dropped: Kevin Walter / other bids: $7 to Ben
Looks like most of us believed that two-touchdown performance in a revenge effort against his old team was just a fluke, but Paul bought it and he bought the player.  Like I said in Gems to be Mined!: Eventually, the Chargers will start pumping balls to their offseason investment. I'm not a Meachem guy, but he'll get an opportunity and has a pretty good QB rifling those passes at him. They aren't paying Meach $6.5 million per season to run around as a decoy to take heat off of Malcolm Fucking Floyd.

I like it, Paul.  It's not my move, but I like it.  The only bad thing is that you doubled up Ben's bid in order to land him.

Robert Meachem Claim Grade: B-

LaRod Stephens-Howling -- $11 to Rookie
dropped: Russell Wilson (redshirt burned!) / other bids: $8 to Nathan, $7 to Russ, $6 to Kirk, $5 to Mark, $2 to Kendall, $0 to Derrick
Oh man, I love this little guy.  Loved him at Pitt, loved what he's done in the pros when he's gotten a chance.  I'm not sure if he's the guy for the Cards.  If he is, I'm not sure he can withstand the pounding.  If he can, I'm not sure it'll matter -- like I said before, Arizona straight SUCKS at running the football.  If it does matter, I'm not sure LRSH can hold off Powell, Smith, and possibly Ivory.  Add up that uncertainty, and you're looking at a longshot lottery ticket here, in my estimation.  For $11, I think that's fine, because the upside is Darren Sproles.

Of note, Rookie just burned the redshirt of what many seemed to think was [by far] the best redshirt candidate of the 2012 season.  Too bad Russell Wilson's training camp and preseason performance didn't carry over into the regular season.

LaRod Stephens-Howling Claim Grade: C+

Danny Woodhead -- $10 to Patrick
dropped: Ryan Williams / other bids: none
He's been sitting there forever, waiting to be plucked.  Patrick finally did it.  I don't think dropping a Hamilton on the kid was the proper bid, as $2 or $3 could have safely won the auction.  Woodhead's fine as a bench player, as he'll give you some production when/if you need it, but there's nothing exciting about him and his upside is severely limited.  $10 was too much.

Danny Woodhead Claim Grade: D

Golden Tate -- $7 to Alan
dropped: Leonard Hankerson / other bids: $7 to Ben
Dammit.  Damn it.  I had a feeling I was dropping him too soon when I let him go on Friday.  Congratulations, Alan.  You just picked up the Seahawks' #1 wide receiver as they are about to make the switch from Russell Wilson to a real-life NFL quarterback.

Golden Tate Claim Grade: C+

Joel Dreessen -- $7 to Alan
dropped: Javon Ringer (redshirt burned!) / other bids: none
Brent Celek is not on bye, so this was not a bye week filler.  In fact, Celek and Dreessen share the same week 7 bye.  Interesting.  I guess Alan likes how involved Dreessen has been when the Broncos get near the goal line, and he decided to see where this thing goes.  I'm okay with that, but a $0 or $1 bid for a player like Dreessen would have been more appropriate.

Joel Dreessen Claim Grade: D

William Powell -- $5 to Kirk
dropped: Shaun Draughn / other bids: $3 to Nathan, $2 to Kendall, $0 to Derrick
This is what ESPN's Christopher Harris had to say about Powell in yesterday's edition of Free Agent Finds:

I could just as easily have started this section with LaRod Stephens-Howling or Alfonso Smith, because it's unclear how Arizona will replace the missing Williams/Wells combo. Stephens-Howling is the most proven commodity here, with 111 career touches from scrimmage and a reputation as one of the NFL's best kickoff returners, but he's 5-foot-7 and 185 pounds and likely wouldn't hold up to an every-down pounding. The rookie Powell beat out Smith during training camp this summer but may have suffered a concussion in Week 5, and has eight career touches. Smith, the biggest member of the trio, is a practice-squad talent who could be asked to bang near the goal line. The problem all these guys have is that the Cardinals' rushing game has averaged 63.4 yards per game and a league-low 2.7 yards per carry. The offensive line that got Kevin Kolb massacred against the St. Louis Rams last Thursday isn't any better opening holes. So while the desperate fantasy owners among us should probably take a shot at one or more of these guys on the small chance that one of them busts out, expectations should be low. If I had to choose one, it would be Powell, the most complete back of the troika.

For $5, I feel like that was a really savvy bid and claim by a CKL coach who doesn't get much credit for his savviness.  Nice job, Kirk.

William Powell Claim Grade: B+

James Starks -- $5 to Joe

dropped: Greg Little / other bids: $2 to Kendall, $0 to Derrick

Just like with William Powell, I feel like this was a smart claim for a minimal bid.  Alex Green is a bit more exciting than anything Powell faces in his bid for playing time, but the Packers offense is worlds better than the Cardinals offense.  Plus, the Green Bay coaching staff trusts Starks as a blocker.  I think the safe money is on a Green/Starks timeshare for the Packers, and Joe got his piece of that action for $27 less than Mark did.  But make no mistake: Starks has nowhere near the upside that Green does.

James Starks Claim Grade: B+

Jahvid Best -- $5 to Chad

dropped: Anthony Fasano / other bids: $1 to Joe

Like I said in the Gems piece, we still drool over this guy's upside, regardless of whether or not his brains are scrambled eggs.  Shrewd claim for Chad, though I have to wonder if it was the right call to go this route and eschew bidding on the Packer/Cardinal backs.  Plus, he'll have to wait on Best for at least a few more weeks.  Bench space is precious in the CKL, and that seems like a luxury move during the bye weeks.

Jahvid Best Claim Grade: C+

Dumpster Diving...

Charles Woodson, $4 to Alan -- He's a bonafide IDP stud.  Nice buy, Alan.

David Wilson, $4 to Nathan -- Interesting move.  He did look good on that one carry, and he was their 1st round pick.

Geno Atkins, $3 to Kirk -- Best interior pass rusher in the NFL.

Lance Briggs, $3 to Kirk -- Drinking the kool-aid on those two pick sixes.  But Briggs is a proven star, anyway.

Rueben Randle, $2 to Mark -- Ramses Barden, Domenik Hixon, and now Randle... is anyone else developing Giants' #3 receiver fatigue?  All joking aside, this was a smart move for the Hakeem Nicks owner.

Joique Bell, $1 to Kendall -- Put Jahvid Best and Mikel Leshoure together and add in a little bit more power, and you get Joique Bell.  Like I said in FAABnalysis when Nathan picked him up two weeks ago: Joique Bell ends up leading the Lions in rushing and rushing touchdowns this season, and enters 2013 as their franchise-type workhorse back. Just a hunch.

Jordan Norwood, $1 to Nathan -- He's getting targets, and the Browns are showing serious signs of life on offense.  Not a bad grab & stash, to see if he turns into anything.

Jake Locker, $0 to Joe -- I wish I had had a spot available to make this same move.  Nice one, Joe.

The rest were IDPs and kickers, and nothing that I found particularly worthy of a mention beyond a sour lumping into this paragraph.  Mario Williams sucks now, sorry Russ.  Robert Quinn does not suck, so nice job, Rookie.  Antoine Winfield?  Not sure about that one, Kirk.  But congrats on landing yet another Viking.  DeMeco Ryans seems like a pretty ordinary IDP linebacker for the Rookie.  I'm glad Nathan was able to land Von Miller, that seems right.  The rest were just... eh... you know... whatever.  And the cock ticks and I think of you...

Everyone was involved in this week's bidding!  THAT'S what I've been waiting to see!  I love that shit.


Remaining Budgets:

Jesus the Moose -- $83
Blackpool Penguins -- $78
Juris United -- $75
Kick Azz Giants -- $73
Double-O Daddy -- $72
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $69
The Magic Stick -- $65
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $61
Achilles Heels -- $52
THUNDER BEAR -- $52
The Champeens -- $51
Nth Degree -- $49
Roo Tang Clan -- $43
Pink Nightmare -- $36


Ben takes the lead for The Golden Sarcophagus.


Biggest Claims to Date:

#1 - Alex Green, $32 to Mark on 10/10

#2 - Kevin Ogletree, $26 to Kendall on 9/12

#3 - Greg Olsen, $21 to Kendall on 9/26

#3 - Chaz Schilens, $21 to Kirk on 10/3

#5 - Andre Brown, $19 to Russ on 9/19

#6 - Daniel Thomas, $16 to Rookie on 9/26

#7 - Robert Meachem, $15 to Paul on 10/10

#8 - Domenik Hixon, $14 to Nathan on 10/3

#9 - Jeremy Kerley, $13 to Derrick on 9/12

#9 - Daryl Richardson, $13 to Derrick on 9/19

#9 - Tashard Choice, $13 to Patrick on 9/26

#12 - Ramses Barden, $12 to Russ on 9/26

#12 - Brandon Bolden, $12 to Paul on 10/3

#14 - Dexter McCluster, $11 to Nathan on 9/12

#14 - Brian Hartline, $11 to Rookie on 9/19

#14 - Sidney Rice, $11 to Joe on 9/21 (Friday FAAB Rebound!)

#14 - LaRod Stephens-Howling, $11 to Rookie on 10/10

#18 - Danny Woodhead, $10 to Patrick on 10/10

That's it for this week. But as always, remember...

GOTTA SPEND TO WIN!

Week 4 Numbers

Four weeks down. Nine to go. In this meat grinder of a league, the 0-4 teams are already in playoff mode, where another loss will feel like the end of a dream. Its too bad for Alan and Kirk, as their teams really aren't  oh and four bad.

Post Week 4 All Play

Notes:

• Ben takes over the top spot. I didn't verify this claim, but I bet this is the first time he's been on top of this chart. The Moose has spent that last half decade in the CKL cellar as a five-buck screw top of Reunite. Somehow they've turned into a decent cabernet upon finally making it to the dining room.
• Derrick had a good week and gained on the field.
• I've added info on the divisions (despite being arbitrary and meaningless). Blue is better due to being top-heavy, while the Orange is less variable. Classic big-boobed pyscho you take home from the bar versus a girl you could marry scenario.

Plus/Minus

Notes:

• The bad luck continues for Kirk and Alan. They went from 2.7 games under their All Play average to 3.5. Somethings gotta give.
• Kendall at the top. Nothing like a little luck frosting on the highest-quality CKL cake.

Last Three Week Average

Notes:

• I like the last three week average. It shows you who is peaking and who is tumbling. Compare to the All Play table if you dare.
• Jesus. The Moose.

Bonus Charts

Gems to be Mined!

Here is my list of players not currently on CKL rosters who WILL be on CKL rosters (and maybe even in CKL starting lineups) by season's end...

Jake Locker, QB, Tennessee Titans
He'll be back from this shoulder injury, and he'll continue his improvement as a less-douchey Tim Tebow with a better passing arm.

Brady Quinn, QB, Kansas City Chiefs
Matt Cassel sucks so terribly bad, it's inevitable that Quinn will get his chance to shine.  I still believe he's got NFL starter potential, but I'm drinking a lot of Notre Dame kool-aid right now.

Matt Flynn, QB, Seattle Seahawks
It's almost time for Russell Wilson to get the hook.  The Seahawks didn't pay all that money for Flynn in order to watch him waste away on the bench.  Once he's healthy, he'll play.  (Also, I will add that the decision to start Russell Wilson as a rookie feels like a whole lot of Pete Carroll pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking.  That's easy to say in hindsight, because Wilson was fantastic in the preseason, but yeah.)

Nick Foles, QB, Philadelphia Eagles
Predicting a Vick injury is almost as easy as predicting an Andre Johnson injury.  But here's the thing: Foles is better, more talented, and has more upside than Kevin Kolb or Mike Kafka, and might just take the starting job away from Dogkiller altogether.  It's kind of like a Brady/Bledsoe type of situation.

Colin Kaepernick, QB, San Francisco 49ers
Looks to me like the Niners found a better wildcat option than Tebow offers the Jets.  Plus, Kaepernick can pass.  Plus, Alex Smith is middling, at best.  Not predicting a permanent switch, but a growing role for Kaepernick seems to be in order.  He's a great weapon running the read option, which I'm sure the Niners will tap into, given Harbaugh's college experience.

Shane Vereen, RB, New England Patriots
I'm a big believer in Stevan Ridley, but not in Danny Woodhead or Brandon Bolden.  Once Vereen is fully healthy, he'll have a role.  And knowing Belichick, Vereen will sneak in for a huge game at some point, which will land him on a CKL roster to stay.  Remember, the Pats took Vereen in the 2nd round and Ridley in the 3rd round in the 2011 draft.  That probably doesn't mean anything, but once upon a time - and not too long ago - this team valued Vereen's skills more than they valued Ridley's.

I still think he'll be a good NFL runner.

Jahvid Best, RB, Detroit Lions
He'll be back in week 7 or 8, with an appropriate scatback role.  After one or two explosive games, he'll be rostered in the CKL.  (Actually, I bet he's rostered as soon as his return is announced.  Many of us still drool over the guy's upside, regardless of whether or not his brain is scrambled eggs.)

Jonathan Dwyer, RB, Pittsburgh Steelers
Mendy and Redman are garbage -- Dwyer probably is too, but he might not be.  I bet the Steelers eventually settle on the guy with the bigger upside, and that's Dwyer.

Taiwan Jones, RB, Oakland Raiders
Mike Goodson seems like the Run-DMC handcuff, but Jones is the speed guy to Goodson's power and receiving.  What I'm saying is that without Michael Bush in the fold, it's going to take two guys to replace an injured McFadden.  Jones will get his, if/when McFad goes down.

Isaiah Pead, RB, St. Louis Rams
I'm pissed about this whole Daryl Richardson bullshit.  Pead is electric, and I still think he'll get an opportunity for the Rams this season.  I'll be ready to pounce and pounce hard, as I love Isaiah Pead.

LaMichael James, RB, San Francisco 49ers
Hunch: This 2nd round rookie is being kept under wraps until Harbaugh needs a wildcard in the running game.  Once James gets on the field, he won't be easy to take off it.  Read option with Colin Kaepernick at QB and Kendall Hunter and LaMichael James in the split backfield?  Yes please.

Robert Meachem, WR, San Diego Chargers
Eventually, the Chargers will start pumping balls to their offseason investment.  I'm not a Meachem guy, but he'll get an opportunity and has a pretty good QB rifling those passes at him.  They aren't paying Meach $6.5 million per season to run around as a decoy to take heat off of Malcolm Fucking Floyd.

Golden Tate, WR, Seattle Seahawks
I lost patience and cut him this week, but I'm still fairly bullish on Tate emerging as the Seachickens' #1 receiver.  The imminent Russell Wilson benching will increase the value of all Seattle receivers.

Best of all, the Seahawks are
paying Tate's salary in maple bars.

Michael Floyd, WR, Arizona Cardinals
The Cards' pass pro is abysmal (like a lot of teams), so a big downfield big-play receiver like Floyd might not be the perfect fit for this team right now.  That said, the #13 overall pick isn't going to ride the pine all season, no matter how much of a breakout Andre Roberts enjoys.

Dexter McCluster, RB/WR, Kansas City Chiefs
Running back eligibility with a fairly reliable 6-8 weekly targets in the passing game will net McCluster a spot in the CKL.  I wish he played for a different team, because I think he'd already be a star.

Cecil Shorts, WR, Jacksonville Jaguars
Mount Union produced Pierre Garçon, and Shorts is equally explosive.  Blaine Gabbert imposes a low ceiling on all of his receivers, but Blackmon and Shorts should emerge as the two best guys in that passing offense.  Shorts already has two long touchdown receptions, but they seem fluky.  Another two, and he'll be rostered.  It's only a matter of time...

Devery Henderson, WR, New Orleans Saints
The Saints' receiving corps is a mess.  Henderson will get plenty of playing time this season, and he'll find enough stats to aimlessly wander his way into CKL relevancy.  He always does.

Julian Edelman, WR, New England Patriots
If he hadn't broken his hand, I think Edelman would already be owned in 90-95% of fantasy leagues.  Belichick has a plan for this guy.

Armon Binns, WR, Cincinnati Bengals
It is Binns - not Andrew Hawkins - who is the Bengals' #3 option in the passing game, behind A.J. Green and Jermaine Gresham.  If the Cincy offense remains effective, Binns will put up numbers.

He is going to be good.

Juron Criner, WR, Oakland Raiders
Attrition is the name of the game with the Oakland receivers, and Criner offers a size/strength option as a possession receiver that the other guys on the roster lack.  He'll get his crack at playing time.

Lance Kendricks, TE, St. Louis Rams
With Amendola out, the Rams need a new possession passing option.  Kendricks has the talent, if he can trim down the drops.

Kellen Davis, TE, Chicago Bears
Not sure if I'm buying yet, but Davis seems involved in the Bears passing game.  He seems to have shaky hands, but if he can remedy that, he could take off.

James Casey, RB/TE, Houston Texans
Mark my words: James Casey will emerge as a secret weapon for the Texans.  He's a move-type H-back who can play literally anywhere on the field.  Dual eligibility at TE and RB says it all, and Houston sends him out wide a bit, too.  Once Andre Johnson takes his annual injury, Casey will start seeing more balls coming his way.

Jordan Cameron, TE, Cleveland Browns
Cameron is the latest promising power-forward-turned-tight-end, and the Browns love the guy.  They should soon be looking to push aside the pedestrian Ben Watson in order to get this kid on the field.  Cameron has the potential to be the Poor Man's Jimmy Graham.



Fool's Gold
Yin needs its yang, right?  Here is my list of players currently on CKL rosters who WILL NOT be on CKL rosters by season's end...

Blaine Gabbert, QB, Jacksonville Jaguars
Back to the drawing board for the Jaguars.

First red flag: his name is "Blaine."
Second red flag: that hair (sorry Norris.)

Daniel Thomas, RB, Miami Dolphins
He has the bellcow look, but not the workhorse reliability.  Reggie Bush is better [obviously], and I think Lamar Miller pushes Thomas to #3 in the pecking order.

Shonn Greene, RB, New York Jets
Eventually the Jets will realize what they have in Shonn Greene: Ron Dayne 2.0 -- a slow, plodding power back who shies away from contact and thinks he has the elusiveness to evade tacklers.  In other words, a giant quivering pussy, a fatally flawed runner, and a completely worthless football player.

Beanie Wells, RB, Arizona Cardinals
They can't run, Beanie is literally always hurt, and Ryan Williams is better.  Beanie should just hang it up altogether.

Mark Ingram, RB, New Orleans Saints
Power backs who average less than 3 yards per carry aren't long for this league.

Isaac Redman, RB, Pittsburgh Steelers
He's the third best running back on a team that won't run with much consistency or conviction.

Felix Jones, RB, Dallas Cowboys
I suspect Phillip Tanner is the real handcuff to DeMarco Murray.  (Who wants to handcuff the Cowboys' running back, anyway?  Newsflash: that running game is putrid.)

Shaun Draughn, RB, Kansas City Chiefs
He is the very definition of "just a guy," and Juggernaut will be healthy soon.

Kenny Britt, WR, Tennessee Titans
The time bomb is ticking...

Sidney Rice, WR, Seattle Seahawks
He's got a somewhat big name (thanks to that one big year with Brett Favre), but between the injuries and the inept passing offense, I think Rice emerges as fairly worthless for fantasy this season.

"Better enjoy it now, Sid."

Kevin Walter, WR, Houston Texans
Lestar Jean and Keshawn Martin are the new hotness in Houston, but the two cannibalize each other's production in a limited passing game.  Kevin Walter?  He's a nice downfield blocker.

Titus Young, WR, Detroit Lions
Jury's in.  The verdict?  Titus Young is dumb as a damn rock.

Donnie Avery, WR, Indianapolis Colts
Point blank, I think T.Y. Hilton will take his job away.  Plus, Avery is severely injury prone.

Stephen Hill, WR, New York Jets
The dude can't catch.



And there you have it.  Now go ahead and crucify me in the comments and on the message board!

Wednesday FAABnalysis -- 10/3/12

You guys understand that you're supposed to hit play on the video and listen to the song while you read FAABnalysis, right?  I think it's obvious, but I never know.

Today, $67 was spent on 11 money claims.  That's $6.09 per claim.  We also saw another 12 claims made for $0 -- bye weeks must be upon us, and the IDP shuffle has begun in earnest.

New this week, I am grading the claims made at $5 or over.  I take into account the bid amount, the player's talent, upside, and opportunity, and the need for the player on the team claiming him.  This grade is just meant to be a conversation piece.  Please don't go apeshit bananas if you disagree.  Don't get butthurt.

Okay, here we go...


Chaz Schilens -- $21 to Kirk
dropped: Santonio Holmes / other bids: $6 to Nathan
Kirk lost a commodity when San Antonio Holmes went down, and so he bid hard on Schilens to fill the void.  I agree with his logic that Schilens is the most likely to fill that top wideout role for the Jets now that Holmes is out -- Jeremy Kerley is strictly a slot guy, and Stephen Hill is a raw rookie with terrible hands.  But Chaz Schilens? He was a training camp wünderkind in Oakland, but always entered the season hurt and was never able to gain much traction for the Raiders.  In Jets camp, Schilens got into a fracas with Antonio Cromartie after Cromartie publicly asserted that he was the second-best wide receiver on the team, behind Holmes.  Antonio Cromartie is a cornerback.  Schilens has 6 catches for 69 yards through four games this season... sad numbers and difficult to project into anything remotely useful for fantasy.  That said, Holmes' 10 targets per game have to go somewhere.  As the Dustin Keller owner, I'm hoping Mark Sanchez (or Tim Tebow) pumps those balls to the tight end.  But Schilens could be the beneficiary, and this could  end up looking like a genius claim for Kirk.  I'd handicap those chances at about 15%.  (Funny that I chose 15, as this was a $15 overbid.  Welcome to the lead for the Mr. Moneybags award, Kirk!)

HEY!  Just found this blurb from Jets minicamp from James Walker on the ESPN blog for the AFC East:

During my Tuesday trip to Florham Park, N.J., Schilens was the receiver who made the most plays in practice. The former Oakland Raider has good size, strong hands and athleticism. Schilens could be an underrated find if he’s able to stay healthy, which has always been an issue. 


Schilens made a play Tuesday that most Pro Bowl receivers couldn’t make. One-on-one against Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis, Schilens beat Revis to the corner of the end zone, leaped over the cornerback and snatched a high pass from quarterback Mark Sanchez for a touchdown. It was the most impressive catch of practice, especially considering who Schilens beat.

The Jets need playmakers on offense. Schilens will earn playing time if he makes more plays like that in training camp.

Jury's out, Kirk.  Schilens has talent, but he's frail.  If he stays healthy and emerges as the Jets' #1 receiver, you might have just caught lightning in a bottle.

Chaz Schilens Claim Grade: C

Domenik Hixon -- $14 to Nathan
dropped: Michael Johnson (tuesday drop) / other bids: $6 to Patrick, $4 to Derrick, $1 to Kendall
Man, I gushed about Ramses Barden last week, didn't I?  Maybe I was wrong.  In the game against the Iggles, now-healthy Hixon sure looked like the #3 receiver for the Giants and the guy who replaces Hakeem Nicks, didn't he?  I like Barden's age, size, and potential much more than I like Hixon's, but opportunity is opportunity, and Hixon is the guy with the opportunity.  To me, this is a nice WR4 that Nathan just added to his roster, and it's a player with WR2 upside if either Nicks or Victor Cruz should miss any significant time.  Shrewd move for Nathan, and I've said it before -- he looks really dialed-in this season, which bodes very poorly for the rest of us.  Beware the THUNDER BEAR.

Domenik Hixon Claim Grade: B+

Brandon Bolden -- $12 to Paul
dropped: David Wilson / other bids: $11 to Alan, $5 to Derrick, $2 to Nathan, $1 to Kendall
Everyone bitches about Mike Shanahan, but I honestly think Bill Belichick is worse.  Laurence Maroney, Sammy Morris, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, that little kid Danny Woodhead, Kevin Faulk, Shane Vereen, Stevan Ridley, and now this guy Brandon Bolden... Belichick just enjoys trying to mindfuck the fantasy community, I think.  Look, this is not too complicated, so let me break it down for you: Stevan Ridley is a stud, and Belichick knows it.  They were using the power run game to ground the Bills down into dust.  Too many carries had Ridley winded, and 'Chick didn't want to risk injury to his best tailback.  So he played the only thing approximating another power back he had in his arsenal -- Brandon Bolden.  16 carries for 137 yards and a touchdown later, and all of us reactionary fools rush out to pick him up.  But really, Bolden is just the power handcuff to Ridley.  Paul (the Ridley owner in our league) bid exactly what he needed to bid in order to land an unexciting player who just played the best game he'll play this season and probably ever.  In essence, Paul landed a handcuff for his RB2.  Not a bad move at all, as $12 is chump change in a season-long $100 budget.  But this is not a move that will win a Cup for the Barclay Street Bruisers.  (Unless, of course, Ridley goes down.)  Meanwhile, eat shit and die, David Wilson.  You. are. worthless.

Brandon Bolden Claim Grade: C+ B
(adjusted due to perfect bid amount and solid reasoning and need)

Matt Hasselbeck -- $6 to Nathan
dropped: Matt Cassel / other bids: $2 to Joe, $1 to Paul
Are you underwhelmed yet?  How long is Locker out?  Is Hass really an upgrade over Cassel?  How nervous is Nathan about the hits RG3 is taking when he scrambles?  These are questions that need answers. I'll take my best shot...  I am not underwhelmed, as during the CKL bye season, any QB taking snaps should be rostered.  It sounds like Locker is going to need surgery on that shoulder, which means he will be out for a long while, probably all season.  YES, Hasselbeck is an upgrade over Cassel.  Have you seen Matt Cassel play?  Nathan - I assume - is nervous to quite nervous about RG3.  I would be, too.  Bob Griffin is a slight 6-2, 217, and he's taking some very Vickian hits.  Hasselbeck has top-28 potential the rest of the way, which makes him a CKL backup worthy of a roster spot.

Matt Hasselbeck Claim Grade: C

Davone Bess -- $5 to Patrick
dropped: James Starks / other bids: $1 to Kendall, $1 to Nathan
Onto a roster, dumped back to waivers.  Again and again and again and again and again.  That's the life of Davone Bess when it comes to fantasy football.  You get intoxicated by the fact that he gets targets and is sure-handed and catches the ball.  Then you see he's not explosive and doesn't score touchdowns.  He's 5 points per week, and that's about it.  In other words, he's totally underwhelming.  Eventually, you need an extra roster spot for the hotshot rookie receiver who might be getting his chance, or for your #1-ranked kicker during his bye, or for the handcuff to your RB2 that you never knew you needed.  So you drop Bess, and he moves along to the next team.  Davone Bess is the fantasy football whore, but she's such a tease.  Nice handjobs, maybe the occasional blowjay, but she never goes all the way.  Everyone's gotten their peckers wet with Bess out behind the dumpster, but nobody wants to marry the bitch.  Patrick just saw her give up the anal and go brown to the tune of 7-123-0 last week, and Patrick's an ass freak.  But just wait -- she'll be kicked back to the curb soon enough, because this slut does not like to fuck.

Davone Bess Claim Grade: D

Dumpster Diving...

Jerrell Freeman, $3 to Chad -- Pat Angerer should be back this week.  Not sure Chad meant to spend three bucks on a Colts linebacker who is going to be splitting time at his position.

Marcedes Lewis, $2 to Ben -- Jesus Moose needed a tight end to start this week, with Pettigrew on bye.  I could probably name five other available tight ends I would have rather had*, but Lewis was productive once upon a time and has been seen in the end zone this season.  (*Ben Watson, Coby Fleener, Zach Miller, James Casey, Ed Dickson, Kellen Davis, Jordan Cameron.  There, that's seven.)

Osi Umenyiora, $1 to Russ -- Count 'em, that's 1-2-3-4 Giants on the Stick roster.  Homerism is awesome. I love it and celebrate it.  I love seeing guys play with their hearts and guts in this game for the mind!

Major Wright, $1 to Chad -- As bad as I thought the Jerrell Freeman pick-up was, I like this add for Chad. The Major is evolving into a major playmaker in the Bears secondary, one that is designed to generate big plays for the safeties.

Blaine Gabbert, $0 to Paul -- I get it, Locker goes down, gotta pick up the only QB available who is getting snaps.  This was a back-up bid to the $1 Paul put on Hasselbeck, and now I'm looking for Paulie to do a rebound bid on Cassel on Friday.  This QB scarcity is a bit scary, no?

Emmanuel Sanders, $0 to Kendall -- I remain bullish that Sanders is more talented than Antonio Brown.  The cream will rise to the top, eventually.  I just wanted to be on record saying that.

You know the drill, the rest were IDPs and kickers.  Nothing that I found particularly noteworthy.  I like the solid IDP claims for Roman Harper (Paul), Charles Johnson (me), David Harris (Nathan), and Elvis Dumervil (Ben), and Matt Prater (Ben), Robbie Gould (Rookie), and Nick Novak (Derrick) should be starting in a 14-team league.  Why the hell is Rob Bironas still on a CKL roster?  And the planets stay girded on their slow-spinning elliptical orbits...

Today's FAAB featured inaction from Mark and Norris.  Atypical for those guys, so no worries on this end. I guess they're happy with what they've got... for now.


Remaining Budgets:
Juris United -- $94
The Champeens -- $85
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $84
Jesus the Moose -- $83
Blackpool Penguins -- $78
Double-O Daddy -- $77
Kick Azz Giants -- $73
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $71
The Magic Stick -- $66
Achilles Heels -- $63
Nth Degree -- $61
THUNDER BEAR -- $57
Roo Tang Clan -- $55
Pink Nightmare -- $38

I'm still the leader in the clubhouse for The Blown Load award, and Alan still has designs on The Golden Sarcophagus.

Biggest Claims to Date:

#1 - Kevin Ogletree, $26 to Kendall on 9/12

#2 - Greg Olsen, $21 to Kendall on 9/26

#2 - Chaz Schilens, $21 to Kirk on 10/3

#4 - Andre Brown, $19 to Russ on 9/19

#5 - Daniel Thomas, $16 to Rookie on 9/26

#6 - Domenik Hixon, $14 to Nathan on 10/3

#7 - Jeremy Kerley, $13 to Derrick on 9/12

#7 - Daryl Richardson, $13 to Derrick on 9/19

#7 - Tashard Choice, $13 to Patrick on 9/26

#10 - Ramses Barden, $12 to Russ on 9/26

#10 - Brandon Bolden, $12 to Paul on 10/3

#12 - Dexter McCluster, $11 to Nathan on 9/12

#12 - Brian Hartline, $11 to Rookie on 9/19

#12 - Sidney Rice, $11 to Joe on 9/21 (Friday FAAB Rebound!)

That's it for this week.  But as always, remember...

GOTTA SPEND TO WIN!

IDP Solutions

As the CKL continues to probe its way along a soft entry into the world of Individual Defensive Players (IDPs), we have experienced predictable growing pains. 2012 is the third year of IDPs in the CKL, and our ongoing efforts to "fix" the system has led us to this...


I'm ready to get this hammered out and put to bed, once and for all. We've explored the interwebs and read everything we could find. We're tinkering with IDPs in a sandbox league. We've asked other people in other leagues what they do and how they like it. I've tweeted with FF "experts" on the topic. We've polled the CKL and discussed this shit 'til we're blue in the face. Now it's time to wrap it up.

Here are the options as I see them. Please feel free to chime in with your thoughts.


Option #1 
Punt IDPs and team defenses altogether.

Arrive at this point if you decide that factoring defense into fantasy football is juice that simply is not worth the squeeze; that it's all just too random / luck-based to worry about.

Option #2 
Revert back to team defenses.

There are two reasons I present this option:

1 - In a 14-team league, the issue of scarcity becomes very, very interesting when there are only 32 options total. (We'd have to set a roster limit of two team defenses per CKL team, I'd imagine.)

2 - ESPN now allows for scoring systems that weren't available when we ditched team defense to go to IDPs. This is stuff I really like.

-- Kickoff/punt return yardage
-- Less than 100 total yards allowed
-- 100-199 total yards allowed
-- 200-299 total yards allowed
-- 300-349 total yards allowed
-- 350-399 total yards allowed
-- 400-449 total yards allowed
-- 450-499 total yards allowed
-- 500-549 total yards allowed
-- 550+ total yards allowed

I really like the idea of scoring D/ST based on yardage totals as opposed to points allowed. If we throttle back on the big bonus points for defensive touchdowns, we could find ourselves with a fun, strategy-based commodities market, steeped in scarcity.

Anyway, it's an option. I probably prefer IDPs, but this has me somewhat jazzed.

Option #3 
Stick with exactly what we've got this season.

There is something to be said for accepting where we are and compiling a larger base of experience in the current system.

I think our current system is good, but still flawed. I want to make some more slight [Mark-inspired] tweaks to the scoring for tackles, and I want to go to three DPs (flex), as opposed to LB, DL, and DB.

Option #4 
Tweak the current scoring.

Here's what we currently have:
-- Every 1 sack: 3 points
-- Every 5 total tackles: 2 points (this functions as a tackles bonus)
-- Interception Return TD: 6
-- Fumble Return TD: 6
-- Blocked Punt or FG return for TD: 6
-- Blocked Punt, PAT or FG: 2
-- Each Interception: 3
-- Each Fumble Recovered: 1
-- Each Fumble Forced: 2
-- Each Safety: 2
-- Assisted Tackles: 0.2 points each
-- Solo Tackles: 0.5 points each
-- Stuffs: 1
-- Passes Defensed: 1

I'm thinking we drop the tackle bonus (Mark was right about that, I know it in my heart.) Everything else is pretty good. Maybe a bit busy. Maybe too many points scored on [totally random] touchdowns.

IF we flex all three IDPs, I think we should bump tackles up to a point per, or something like that. That striates the available player universe to the point where commodities exist. (We're almost there now -- take a look at the linebacker availability!)

Option #5 
Flex the three IDP spots.

Kirk said it best (with some edits for clarity).

I like having IDPs. IDPs allow us to celebrate the great performances happening on the other side of the ball. Yeah I only know 10% of the players but damn it I am working on it. And since IDPs have been added to the league I have actually begun to see great defensive plays as just that instead of failed offensive plays by the other team. So Mark I see your argument, I just don't agree with it.

That being said I believe the question still remains "how big should IDPs be in the our league."

I personally try to score at least 100 points a week.

QB - 20
RB/WR/WR/TE - 55
IDPs/Kicker - 25

I am comfortable with IDPs and Kickers getting 25% of my points. I think any less and I don't care about them, any more and you either have to add more IDP slots on the active roster or bonus them so much that the system becomes more of a crap shoot which is what we were trying to avoid by going to IDPs.

In our current system we have there is always a fine selection of IDPs available to sub in and out on your team (as Nathan’s hot potato method has proven.)

Moving to 3 flex Defensive Players will put pressure on this supply because we’ll stop adding crap players to fill a designated position and instead draft only the top players. Instead of 3 pools of players, we’ll have one pool with the top players rising to the top. This will make the names easier to recognize, easier to manage, and harder to get your hands on.

I think that solves your problem Mark. You don’t care about IDPs because looking over 3 lists of 40 players that each score 2 to 5 points per week takes up too much time and energy. I completely agree.

Well imagine instead one list of 120 players that each could score 2 to 15 points. It would be like adding 3 TEs each week and a lot easier to figure out who is worth having.

Option #6
Combine option #4 and option #5 into the PERFECT defensive players system for the CKL, born from two years of trial and error, research, and discussion.

This is obviously going to get my vote, and is ultimately where I want to steer this thing.