FAABnalysis -- 9/30/15

I'm going at it a bit differently today. Instead of breaking it down by claim, I'ma take a look at the claims by team. Should be fun. Let's go.

Blackpool Penguins
-- Thomas Rawls $18 (losing bids: Husband $11, KAG $6, BrownBear $6, Nightmare $2)
-- Caleb Sturgis $1
Rawls was a bold add for eighteen bucks, but it's clear others were interested in his services. If Beast Mode misses any time, or isn't 100%, I could see this paying dividends. That said, there's also Fred Jackson, and my hunch that they'll just go RBBC. Rawls is an interesting talent, and he's young, and his offense is good, all good things. I like it, Norris. Sturgis for a buck was just a wasted dollar, you fucking homer. But overall, this was a pretty strong replacement effort after Tuesday Dropping Jacob Tamme and Cody Parkey.

What do the Seahawks have in running back Thomas Rawls?

Scroll Scroll Scroll
-- Rishard Matthews $15 (dropped: Charles Johnson; losing bids: Husband $13, TMS $13, Penguins $12, Nightmare $8, Kilikimaka $5, BrownBear $5)
-- Marvin Jones $9 (dropped: Ben Rapelisberger; losing bids: Nightmare $6, BrownBear $1)
-- Jordan Hicks $1 (dropped: Danny Trevathan; losing bids: Badasses $0)
I like seeing Nathan drop a load of bad karma by releasing the rapist. The Wheel in the Sky rewarded him by delivering a double-dip of wide receiver sex appeal in Matthews and MarJo. Not sure if I totally buy Rishard Matthews at this point, but I can see him being the Chad to Jarvis Landry's T.J. Marvin Jones, meanwhile, is going to be feasting on single coverage all season long. Five targets per game, three catches, 75 yards, and a touch. He can deliver 13.5 points in many weeks, no problem. That's a WR2 for fantasy, folks. Jordan Hicks is a sexy IDP right now, proving Nathan does his homework. A+ week for the THUNDER BEAR.

Pink Nightmare
-- Charles Clay $8 (dropped: Jared Cook; losing bids: Bruisers $6, Badasses $6, KAG $3, Penguins $2, BrownBear $0)
-- Kwon Alexander $3 (losing bids: BrownBear $0)
-- Kevin Minter $1 (dropped: Vincent Rey)
-- Cecil Shorts III $1 (dropped: Aaron Dobson)
Another week, another loss. Another week, another sub-$10 tight end addition. Another week, another defensive corps reinvention. Another week, another roster churn at the bottom of the roster. I was due a season like this, with lots of losing and a lifeless slog through 13 weeks. Fuck it. WHO DO YOU PLAY FOR?

Trophy Husband
-- Michael Vick $7 (dropped: Jameis Winston)
Rookie, you have invited this pox upon your team. I have no sympathy for you, only pride that the 13 of the rest of us were smart enough to avoid the temptation of even bidding on this assclown.
-- Ted Ginn Jr. $6 (dropped: Nelson Agholor)
-- Antonio Andrews $4 (dropped: Bishop Sankey THE CHRISTMAS POO; losing bids: Nightmare $3, BrownBear $3)
-- Dan Carpenter $0
I'll be honest, I think Ginn is a savvy add, and Andrews was the guy I wanted the most in this week's FAAB, I just didn't want to overpay. Plus, Carpenter was the best free agent kicker this week. All good, Rook. But none of it matters, because now your team is cursed. I just hope you don't have any Bengals... FUCK! Tyler Eifert and Gio Bernard. GO FUCK YOURSELF ROOKIE, YOU FUCKING COCK. YOU FUCKING ASSBAG. YOU FUCKING TRUCK STOP GLORYHOLE. YOU FUCKING FUCK-ASS MOTHERFUCKER. EAT SHIT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.

And I hate dogs!

The Magic Stick
-- Percy Harvin $7 (dropped: Michael Floyd; losing bids: BrownBear $5)
-- Malcolm Jenkins $3 (dropped: Earl Thomas)
At this point in his career, Harvin is officially an Airport Cinnabon. Meanwhile, like Nathan, Russ proved his studious nature by bringing aboard a sexy IDP option in Malcolm Jenkins. Whoops, no, sorry, I was thinking about Malcolm Smith. Who is Malcolm Jenkins? Fucking Eagles safety? Lame.

Sexy Badasses
-- Gary Barnidge $7 (dropped: Josh Hill)
-- Uani' Unga $0 (dropped: Derrick Morgan)
I kind of knew Josh Hill would be a bust this season, sorry Kirk. Also sorry that you fell for the trap that is bidding on the tight end who just played against Oakland. Good news for the rest of us: Martellus Bennett is already owned, so there won't be any unknown shitbutt (like Crockett Gilmore or Gary Barnidge) exploding this week and then teasing out our cash next Wednesday. {By the way, condolences to Russ, who has to play against the Lasersnakes and Martellus Bennett at tight end this week.}

Kick Azz Giants
-- Owen Daniels $1 (dropped: Rashad Greene - REDSHIRT BURNED!)
The Raiders play against the Bears this week, but guess who they've got in week 5? That's right, kids! It's the Denver Broncos! Smart claim, Derrick.

Barclay Street Bruisers
-- Malcolm Smith $0 (dropped: Von Miller; other bids: Nightmare $0, Badasses $0)
When you see that I also bid on the player for about the same value, you can rest easy knowing that it was a good claim. Generally speaking. (Look, you were already fully aware of this. It doesn't make me an asshole to verbalize it.)

BlackBelt BrownBear
-- Anthony Barr $0 (dropped: Sam Bradford)
Tough week for Joe, who seems to have floated five cash bids and missed on all five. But Barr is a fine consolation prize, I guess. Good IDP.

Not Involved in Today's Action
Hezballers
Sorcerers
Lasersnakes
OO Pro

Sad, guys. Sad.