FAABnalysis -- 10/7/15

It was a must-win game for me in week 4, and I turned in the week's second-highest score... and lost to the high scorer.  So fuck you, FAABnalysis.  I'm going to mail it in, and do just a good enough job to put the rest of you shitbags in check, but not expend any real energy on the effort.

This week's FAABnalysis - superlatives style!

BIGGEST CLAIM
Ben Roethlisberger - $14 to Paul
I get it.  He'll be back soon, and he's a rapist, and Paul loves rapists.  Wait, what?  Oh, sorry, I meant he has weapons, and could produce top-10 QB numbers in the season's second half.  That's what I meant.

BEST CLAIM
Willie Snead - $9 to Rookie
I bid $7, so that made it a competitive auction.  And maybe there's something to this Brees/Snead synergy.  It sure as hell isn't happening for Brandin Cooks, amiright?

FUTURE FRANCHISE PLAYER
Nelson Agholor - $10 to Kendall
But only because it's such a shitty franchise.

DEADLIEST DROP
Teddy Bridgewater - dropped by Corey
He hasn't produced in 2015 and he's on bye this week, but I have trouble believing he's not a future top-10 NFL quarterback.

MOST LIKELY TO RETURN TO FREE AGENCY
Jameis Winston - $0 to Joe
Impatient team, middling player, deep position.  I'd be shocked if Famous Jameis is a BrownBear this time next week.  Not to mention the fact that this looks like a simple bye week fill-in.

CONGRATS, YOU'RE ON THE 3rd STRING!
Kamar Aiken - $7 to Chad
OO Pro is actually pretty WR-needy, and I like the symmetry of Chad losing Triple-S (Steve Smiff Senior) and trying to replace him with Clay Aiken, but this isn't going to work out.  Not for the Ratbirds, and not for the O-Pros.

MOST IMAGINATIVE PROJECTION

Jay Cutler - $4 to Russ
It's over, dude.  You gotta let it go.  You popping bottles and fucking your wife in the weightlessness of space is more realistic than Smokin' Jay ever being worth a damn in fantasy football.

OVERBIDDER'S PARADISE
Ben Roethlisberger - $14 to Paul
Only one other person bid, and it was Nathan... for $0.  Of course, honorable mention goes to Rookie on the $11 Sam Bradford claim and to yours truly, who plopped down $10 for Nelson Agholor when nobody else even bid.  FUCK...ing awesome.  Been that kind of season in Nightmareville.

ROOKIE COACKTEASE OF THE WEEK
Jamison Crowder - $5 to Kendall
I believe!  I really, really believe!  ... Until I don't.

PLAYER APTLY NAMED AFTER FEMALE ANATOMY AWARD
Boobie Dixon - $3 to Patrick
Ha ha, "Boobie."

THE WISHFUL THINKING! AWARD (aka THE NO CHANCE IN HELL AWARD)
Chris Givens - $3 to Nathan
I'll be the first to admit that the Plinko chip can click and clack its way down the board in mysterious and wondrous ways, but in no way can I imagine it sliding into the "Chris Givens is a productive wide receiver in Baltimore!" slot.

AIRPORT CINNABON OF THE WEEK
Benjamin Watson - $1 to Chad
Yep, must be bye weeks.

PRICIEST IDP
Hau'oli Kikaha - $5 to Rookie

He's a one-dimensional pass rusher who has dumbassed his way into three sacks and a handful of tackles playing for a bad Saints team.  I'll go ahead and cue up the inevitable 2 tackle / zero sack performance in week 5... and we'll see Rook tossing a Lincoln at the next young sackster a week from now, I guess.

BOOMERANG OF THE WEEK

Vincent Rey - $0 to Kendall

Welcome back, Vinny Rey.

PENNY ANTE OF THE WEEK

Theo Riddick - $0 to Nathan

Talented young player, fighting through the franchise's apparent desire to marginalize him.  You'll hear some Zach Zenner buzz this week, but I think it's cool that Nathan went for Riddick.  (The Lions, by the way, are a mess.  I mean, if there's Zach Zenner buzz, you know you're a mess.)

KICKER OF THE WEEK
Sebastian Janikowski - $0 to Norris

Kick some ass, SeaBass.