Nits and Nats: Week 12 (special guest star Kirk!)

Kendall suggested that we switch up all of the weekly articles this week through random draw I was selected to do the Nits and Nats. This actually falls in my wheel house as I do charts and graphs as a job.  It truly is as sexy as it sounds.  

Speaking of which here is your boob shot. 

Oh numbers porn how I love thee.  What you get here is that Russ is the far and away the winningest son-of-bitch in the league.  He's a mack truck of spite come to run our asses down.  However a 5-6 record gets you on the outside looking in. 

The problem for Paul, Joe, Rookie, Kendall, and myself (the current playoff bound favorites) is Russ is the fucking killer at the window.  Once he gets into the playoffs he'll be raping our women and eating our cupcakes, putting his shoes on the table and shit.  The other amazing number from the all play win and loses is how dominate only a few players on Nathan's team have been.  Nathan is 5-6, same as Russ, but only seems to win in the head to head a 1/4 of the time.  That means when he wins, its with some to spare.

Nathan is the king daddy on the chart of life as I have begun to call it.  Despite being incredibly "lucky," his team is in a death spiral.  I see luck balancing out in the long term and his team finishing around the 10th place he currently holds. I am a 6-5 / 5-6 team pretending to be a 8-3.  Russ is a 8-3 team hanging at the bottom of the chart.  

The buried headline of this chart is the huge slide of Norris's team.  The last time Norris won a game Kay Hagen was a Senator in North Carolina, Ebola was a thing, and I was still picking out a Halloween outfit (king by the way.  I went as a king.)  In real terms that is 5 weeks of loses.  I think Nathan shut the door on his season last week, but there is still a shot for the backslider.  

Did I mention that Russ's team is doing well?  Also Paul is slipping a bit.  He's going to the dance but currently the Red Queen holds his team in contempt...

and I' not sure the bench is deep enough if one of his starters has a sit.  

Kendall on the other hand is the thunder phoenix that forever rises.  Yes he has to play Russ this week.  But even if he loses there, he will finish the season with Chad.  With all do respect to the champ, you are probably going to lose to the Thunder Phoenix. 

Rookie is quietly sitting on the sidelines waiting to lose in the first round of the playoffs.  I would rather him lose this week to me and then Mark.  It would be a blessing for his new family because then he could just focus on changing diapers, warming breast milk, and growing the connections of love.  Rookie why put the pressure on yourself...just lose. 

Mayor Sellers is in the playoffs.  Yes he could loss to Ben, and then Doc, but that's not going to happen.  He will probably get the bye, I would give it strong odds.  He's fucking consistent and I don't want to play him again this season.  Last time he took my quilt and this time I think he'll have my ass.  

Unless Russ forgets to play anyone for the next couple of weeks he owns the Jenna.  He's an entire Chad's week of points ahead of the field. In fact unless Kendall and Rookie completely whiff in the next couple of weeks, Russ will effectively cock block the entire field.  

That's right baby, Russ owns that shit.  Now bend it over. 

Thanks to Nathan for doing all the work of this article (charts and what not)  Sorry again for not taking the trade last night. 

Enjoyed it, hope you did.