Predictions from the Corner Office Week 13: Special Guest Russ!

Ben and Kendall did the dance last week. In a fit of lover's rage I decided to fall into bed with Russ.  

"Jealous yet Ben?" You will be...

Predictions from the Corner Office: Week 13

Kirk: Okay let's do this. 7:30 PM

Russ: Fuck yeah 7:30 PM

Russ: So my POWER POLL completely fucked up week 13 playoff implications 7:31 PM

Kirk: Why do you say that? 7:32 PM

Kirk: I liked your power poll. 7:32 PM

Russ: I didn't quite realize how many teams are still in the running. Especially Norris. 7:33 PM

Kirk: Norris isn't in the running. 7:33 PM

Russ: If I get the fifth seed he will have a great chance to get in 7:33 PM

Russ: Only rookie can make up the points diff and that is if he loses 7:34 PM

Kirk: All of this is above my pay grade. 7:35 PM

Kirk: Let's think this out after we call the games. 7:36 PM

Russ: Who makes the most cheese in the league? Do we know that? 7:36 PM

Kirk: There are a lot of variables and unknowns out there. It's not me by a shot. 7:37 PM

Kirk: I like your direct approach. 7:37 PM

Kirk: This is going to be fun. 7:37 PM

Russ: Would it be disrespectful to predict each owners salary? You don't have to name your own. 7:38 PM

Kirk: I don't know what Doc does or Patrick. 7:38 PM

Russ: Even better 7:38 PM

Russ: Patrick is a "writer" and makes ends meet by house sitting on Huntington Beach *** 7:40 PM

Russ: ***not true 7:38 PM

Kirk: People feel really weird about salary. I once told the students on my hall that as an RA I made $10/day to keep up with them. 7:39 PM

Kirk: I wanted them to know that I didn't get paid enough to really care. 7:40 PM

Kirk: The other RA on my hall had a shit fit. 7:40 PM

Russ: The card swipers at UVA dining halls made more than bus drivers 7:41 PM

Kirk: Fuck, that is some shit. 7:41 PM

Kirk: No CDL. 7:41 PM

Russ: RAs and bus drivers - paid too little with waaaay too much responsibility 7:42 PM

Kirk: I bet you don't get drug tested as a swiper. 7:42 PM

Russ: Exactly 7:43 PM

Kirk: I think Ben makes the most in the league. 7:44 PM

Kirk: At least based on employees under him he should. 7:44 PM

Russ: I'll save my estimate for the predict 7:44 PM

Russ: Flying around from MT- I think you are right 7:45 PM

Kirk: All of the games this week have a theoretical consequence. 7:48 PM

Russ: All but the Yado Patrick game 7:48 PM

Kirk: Let's start there. 7:49 PM

Glitterfist Lasersnakes (5-7) vs.  The Hezballers (5-7)

ESPN Gameline: Yado by 7.9

Russ: Light that shit 7:49 PM

Kirk: Patrick has Matt Ryan, Rashad Jennings, Dez Bryant, Isiah (stealing West's touches) Crowell, Justin Hunter, and Antonio Gates. 7:50 PM

Kirk: I was really disappointed that Patrick missed that Arian Foster no play from last week. 7:51 PM

Russ: I think we need a fine system 7:52 PM

Russ: I hate that 7:52 PM

Kirk: It didn't matter in the end but still.... 7:52 PM

Kirk: I wanted to put that out there. 7:52 PM

Russ: And I hate that willie young is still I'm his lineup 7:53 PM

Russ: It's the spirit. Just having a fully active roster is not that hard. 7:53 PM

Russ: And foster was banged up for more than a week 7:53 PM

Kirk: You and I are still in this thing, so you have more interest. I get that. But I have been in a losing situation 7:53 PM

Russ: Dude. I am the saddest sack franchise. I KNOW CKL LOSING 7:54 PM

Kirk: I didn't completely mail it in. 7:54 PM

Russ: I usually increase my posting in bad years 7:55 PM

Russ: Keeps me from getting too distant 7:55 PM

Kirk: Yado "Needs to Post More" Yakub: Has Romo, Justin Forsett (RB), Steven Jackson (RB), D-Thomas (WR), Josh Gordon (WR), and Zach Ertz (TE) 7:56 PM

Kirk: Yado is freaking dangerous now. 7:56 PM

Russ: Yeah glad he's out the playoff picture 7:56 PM

Russ: 133 is no joke 7:57 PM

Kirk: So Patrick not caring <<<<<<<<<<<< Yado rising. 7:58 PM

Russ: I like Yado big 7:58 PM

Kirk: Speaking of rising, let's look at Kendall. 7:59 PM

Pink Nightmare (7-5) vs. The Procodile (4-8)

ESPN Gameline: Kendall by 16.1

Kirk: Kendall has Tom Brady @ GB, Jermey Hill RB, Giovani Bernard RB, Martavis Bryant (WR), Mike Evans (WR), and Greg Olsen (TE) 8:00 PM

Kirk: So I traded MIke Evans to Kendall, your traded Mike Evans to me. 8:00 PM

Russ: I can't believe I didn't keep him 8:01 PM

Russ: The double Bengal banger 8:01 PM

Kirk: You needed Golden Tate in the moment. 8:01 PM

Russ: Still do 8:02 PM

Kirk: Evans was 3 weeks from becoming Mike Evans. 8:02 PM

Russ: But Evans got mature real quick 8:02 PM

Russ: Kendall is the annointer of elite ckl receivers 8:02 PM

Kirk: He is. I congratulate Kendall for the trade me made with me. He saw the talent and I did not. I called him and told him that. 8:03 PM

Russ: What a humbling moment 8:04 PM

Kirk: When you see a guy make a great play, you have to call it. 8:04 PM

Russ: Maybe so. I damn near did a cartwheel when he let me send him cam though 8:06 PM

Kirk: I don't trust that guy, but Kendall has a soft spot in his heart for him. He and I traded out a trade where I got Cam and he got Rodgers. 8:07 PM

Kirk: Sorry we talked out a trade where I got Cam and he got Rodgers. 8:07 PM

Russ: I would have fought you the next time we hung out 8:08 PM

Kirk: Neither of us could pull the trigger on it. 8:08 PM

Russ: Good for you 8:09 PM

Kirk: I couldn't give up Rodgers, but really Kendall talked himself out of giving up Cam. 8:09 PM

Russ: Oops 8:09 PM

Russ: This is like LSU - Sam Houston st 8:20 PM

Kirk: Everybody has their can't quit player. I keep AP for way too long. 8:36 PM

Kirk: Chad is not fielding a team this week, so that will help Kendall. 8:37 PM

Russ: I respect your not dropping him and convincing chad that he was worth keeping 8:37 PM

Kirk: Chad came to me and made that trade. I took his first offer. 8:37 PM

Russ: That's a tingly feeling when you know you're gonna accept a trade without further negotiation 8:39 PM

Russ: Even worse when the guy accepts your offer 8:39 PM

Russ: That's the hard part about trading with a ckl outsider. You don't develop the repoire to do useful trade banter 8:40 PM

Kirk: It was a good trade for me, and I hope Chad gets some value from him next year. There is value there but I'm trying it win now. 8:41 PM

Russ: And chad needs 30 from brown just to keep it close 8:41 PM

Russ: That trade took you out of my personal ckl disrespect list 8:41 PM

Kirk: It means something to me. It does. 8:42 PM

Russ: The ckl doesn't need us at each other's throats to thrive 8:43 PM

Russ: The hate bowl is basically over now too 8:43 PM

Russ: Forced angst is bad for middle aged men 8:44 PM

Kirk: True enough, especially when you don't spend any time with them. 8:44 PM

Kirk: "Russ I hate you because....of that time....you know....fucker" 8:45 PM

Kirk: That's all I got now. 8:45 PM

Russ: Familiarity breeds contempt - omits marriage joke 8:45 PM

Russ: I have a coworker who got mad at me today because I made fun of his shitty weekend effort 8:46 PM

Russ: In our work ff league 8:46 PM

Kirk: Chad could go Tannehill (QB), Doug Martin (RB), Brown (WR), Torrey Smith (WR), and ....no he is going to lose. 8:46 PM

Russ: As if ff shittalk is off limits 8:46 PM

Russ: No more time on that dumpster fire 8:47 PM

Russ: Let it burn #ferguson 8:47 PM

Russ: Wow I said that 8:47 PM

Russ: Terrible human 8:47 PM

Kirk: that was awesome...I'm lovin it. 8:47 PM

Kick Azz Giants (6-6) vs. Voodoo Brown (8-4)

ESPN Gameline: Mayor Sellers by 16.7

Kirk: Okay then. Is there any chance that Doc will beat Mayor Sellers. 8:48 PM

Kirk: That would be good for business. 8:48 PM

Russ: I wanna say no 8:49 PM

Kirk: Damn it. 8:49 PM

Russ: But Odell 8:49 PM

Kirk: Fucking Amazing. 8:50 PM

Kirk: Doc needs to win for me. 8:50 PM

Russ: And cutler could shit himself 8:50 PM

Russ: Doc has better matchups 8:50 PM

Kirk: As much shit as we all have talked about Doc's team, and written him off. He could have a winning season. 8:51 PM

Russ: But the idps will see joe through 8:51 PM

Russ: Yeah. It's the lack of presence 8:51 PM

Russ: He could have turned gronk into something 8:52 PM

Kirk: You are complete right. He should have trade Gronk early. He could have gotten a lot from him this year. 8:53 PM

Kirk: Tight Ends sucked this year. 8:53 PM

Kirk: I like Mayor Sellers in this game in my head, but my heart is with Doc in a final swipe at the establishment. 8:53 PM

Russ: If he picks the right flex and joe has cube issues 8:53 PM

Russ: Seriously worst te year ever 8:53 PM

Russ: Anyone who hoarded te this year should NOT HAVE DONE THAT 8:54 PM

The Magic Stick (6-6) vs. RAINBOW WOLF (6-6)

ESPN Gameline: Russ by 28.4

Kirk: You are going to completely rape Nathan this week, and it doesn't even matter. 8:54 PM

Russ: True 8:55 PM

Russ: I want whoever takes the Jenna to know: I didn't use a rubber! 8:56 PM

Kirk: You could have better IDPs and a better TE, but other than that. 8:57 PM

Kirk: I hoping for the bye just to avoid you for as long as possible. 8:57 PM

Kirk: Hoping those red Qs turn to Os from Johnson and Lynch. 8:58 PM

Russ: See both of them get 10 days off and will be fresh for round 1 9:00 PM

Russ: I would not mind them both resting this week 9:01 PM

Russ: I got 28 last week from my idps 9:02 PM

Russ: That is joe lite 9:02 PM

Kirk: That's impressive. I was happy with 23.4 9:05 PM

Russ: Nothing wrong with that 9:05 PM

Kirk: Although my secret playoff weapon is the Chad gift of Lavonte David 9:06 PM

Russ: I know 9:06 PM

Russ: That dude is a monster 9:06 PM

Kirk: I have been very lucky with IDPs and Adam Vinatieri this season. 9:09 PM

Russ: All monster team: qb: luck; rb1: lynch; wr1: megatron; wr2: Gordon; flex: BECKHAM; te: gronk; idps: David, watt, kuechly 9:09 PM

Russ: That dude is on kicker roofs 9:09 PM

Russ: Roids 9:09 PM

Kirk: So you take your game. 9:10 PM

Kirk: I would like to think I take my game against Ben. 9:10 PM

Dream Smasher (4-8) vs. The Sexy Badasses (9-3)

ESPN Gameline: Me by 40.2*

Russ: Yeah he doesn't have a clue who to start 9:12 PM

Kirk: I need Fitz to stay down. 9:12 PM

Russ: And no sexies nor badasses on that bench 9:12 PM

Russ: Or on the wAiver wire 9:12 PM

Kirk: He doesn't have any money anyway. 9:13 PM

Russ: You gotta get off that welker though 9:13 PM

Russ: Welker autocorrects to weaker 9:13 PM

Kirk: funny. 9:13 PM

Kirk: I picked him up as a hedge against Sanders. 9:14 PM

Kirk: Sanders was banged up and Questionable until late on Sunday. 9:14 PM

Russ: Anytime you can handcuff a wr2 you gotta do it 9:14 PM

Russ: Unfortunately for you boldin is not playing the Beltway bandits again 9:15 PM

Kirk: Yeah that was a big help last week. Allowed me to talk shit to Rookie. 9:17 PM

Russ: His big three are good to roll against any squad but your 4-10 mauls him esp if jpp is pooperific again 9:17 PM

Russ: I lost to that cockface this year 9:17 PM

Russ: It hurts being crushed by your contemporary. 9:18 PM

Russ: Shit forgot to add in my salary estimates 9:18 PM

Russ: Ben: 120k 9:18 PM

Russ: You: 75+ great travel perks 9:19 PM

Russ: Kendall: 63k 9:19 PM

Kirk: and state benefits 9:19 PM

Russ: Doc: 110k 9:19 PM

Russ: Rookie: 0 (I think he quit) 9:20 PM

Kirk: He earns the reward of being a good father. 9:20 PM

Russ: didn't men leArn from women: parenthood doesn't pay! 9:21 PM

Russ: Nathan: 51k 9:20 PM

Russ: Mark: 55k 9:20 PM

Kirk: and all the beer he can drink 9:21 PM

Kirk: That is at least 5% of my salary 9:21 PM

Russ: Chad 55k 9:21 PM

Kirk: and state benefits. 9:22 PM

Kirk: My kids cost me an enormous amount. 9:22 PM

Russ: I know it 9:22 PM

Russ: Fucking leeches man 9:22 PM

Russ: Joe: 65k 9:22 PM

Russ: Norris: 70k 9:22 PM

Kirk: Why more for Norris than Chad. They both teach in Virginia. 9:23 PM

Russ: Because Norris always has more, whether or not it's measurable 9:23 PM

Kirk: haha 9:23 PM

Russ: Also, rainbows ain't cheap 9:24 PM

Kirk: Rainbows coming out his ass... 9:24 PM

Kirk: People pay him for the joy of his presence. 9:24 PM

Russ: They call it the rainbow honorarium 9:24 PM

Russ: I talked shit about his sick kid in the POWER POLL . That can't be good for my ff karma 9:25 PM

Kirk: Can't be afraid of that shit. Funny is funny. 9:26 PM

Kirk: I imagine all my bad karma gets off balanced by Rookie. 9:27 PM

Kirk: I don't know how that works, it just does. 9:27 PM

Russ: My wife and I can't decide whether my son slept in his puke or shit over the weekend 9:27 PM

Russ: Yeah 9:27 PM

Kirk: haha 9:27 PM

Kirk: Either way he slept...can't be that bad. 9:28 PM

Russ: That's what I said 9:28 PM

Kirk: My kid gets up....walks into my room...taps on my shoulder and says..."I had bad dream, I can't remember what happened." 9:29 PM

Kirk: This means. I woke up....now its your problem 9:29 PM

Russ: Obviously your answer was : "back to bed, fucko!" 9:30 PM

Kirk: I did tuck him in. 9:30 PM

Kirk: That's it though. 9:30 PM

Russ: I got called for a 5 yd penalty tonite: delay of tuck in 9:31 PM

Kirk: By your son or your wife. 9:31 PM

Russ: Is there anything worse in life than your 5 yo sounding dismayed and disappointed in you 9:31 PM

Kirk: Your wife....my sons will forget that shit. 9:32 PM

Russ: Son...that's a dad duty 9:32 PM

Russ: Any excuse to not sleep 9:32 PM

Kirk: Speaking of fathers...could Mark close the door on Rookie's season? 9:34 PM

Trophy Husband (6-6) vs. The Champeens (5-7)

ESPN Gameline: Rookie by 17.1

Russ: Yessir rookie has a tough peypey matchup 9:35 PM

Russ: It could be an agonizing slow roast Sunday nite 9:35 PM

Kirk: I'm giving this to Mark out of spite to both Mark and Rookie 9:36 PM

Kirk: Rookie get a better kicker you idiot. 9:36 PM

Kirk: Matt Prater, Blair Walsh, Caleb Sturgis 9:37 PM

Kirk: No one is going to pick them up 9:37 PM

Kirk: Caleb Sturgis would be my pick and was. 9:38 PM

Russ: Kicker hate! I might claim sturgis just to troll that bitch 9:38 PM

Kirk: I'm doing it right now. You take Prater. 9:39 PM

Russ: He has 8$ 9:39 PM

Russ: Nice 9:39 PM

Kirk: Fuck you Rookie! 9:39 PM

Russ: pay up buttsack! 9:40 PM

Russ: Remember when calling a dude buttmunch was in style 9:41 PM

Barclay Street Bruisers (8-4) vs. Blackpool Penguins (5-7)

ESPN Gameline: Norris by 27.1

Kirk: Okay last game. Norris "1 more makes 7" Bunn and Paul "Back Slider" Gilbert. 9:41 PM

Kirk: Paul needs Julius Thomas (TE) to come back. 9:42 PM

Kirk: I need him to stay down so Sanders gets more looks. 9:43 PM

Russ: Agreed 9:43 PM

Russ: Sanders got sassy while Thomas was healthy 9:43 PM

Russ: Norris might have a free pass this week because he should put up enough points to get Jenna if I stay out of 6th 9:44 PM

Kirk: I need that positive thinking. 9:44 PM

Russ: If I was the man I'd tank this weekend to keep Norris out 9:45 PM

Russ: Commish, let's get a reading on this: can I rest my starters to prepare for week 1 of the cup chase? 9:45 PM

Kirk: That would be ballsy. 9:46 PM

Kirk: That's next level shit. 9:46 PM

Russ: Oh how mad would that make rainbow brite? 9:46 PM

Russ: I'm sure id score 57 pts in the next game 9:46 PM

Kirk: New nickname. Done. 9:46 PM

Kirk: Meanwhile Paul is thinking "Do I play Sanchez against the Cowboys or Eli against the Jaguars?" 9:47 PM

Russ: Or he's thinking how good a second bag of Cheetos would be right now 9:48 PM

Kirk: I hope Paul is thinking that. 9:48 PM

Kirk: Okay let's look how we think this will play out. 9:49 PM

Playoff Prediction!

Kirk: Kirk: 10-3 Kendall: 8-5 Mayor Sellers: 8-5 Paul: 8-5 You: 7-6 Rookie: 6-7 Mark: 6-7 Norris: 6-7 Doc: 6-7 Nathan: 6-7 Yado: 6-7 Patrick: 5-8 Chad: 4-9 Ben: 4-9 9:52 PM

Kirk: Kendall and I get the bye. 9:53 PM

Russ: I will say Paul is the 3rd because joe probably doesn't outscore him by more than 30 9:53 PM

Russ: Norris gets the j 9:54 PM

Kirk: So Paul plays Norris 9:54 PM

Kirk: You play Mayor Sellers. 9:54 PM

Russ: No way 9:54 PM

Russ: I think he calls out joe in that sitch 9:55 PM

Kirk: Oh that's right. 9:55 PM

Russ: And Norris and I go at it in an epic opening round 9:55 PM

Kirk: You will win that match. 9:56 PM

Kirk: Mayor Sellers will beat Paul 9:56 PM

Russ: And you call out....kendall 9:57 PM

Kirk: You play Mayor Sellers. 9:57 PM

Kirk: Then you and me in the final. For a first timers Cup. 9:57 PM

Russ: I like my chances here 9:58 PM

Russ: Long way to go 9:58 PM

Kirk: Truly I think you are the team to beat. Mayor Sellers is scary. Norris is the dark horse pick. 9:59 PM

Kirk: Kendall is the sentimental favorite. 9:59 PM

Kirk: But you are the beat monster. 9:59 PM

Kirk: beast monster. 10:00 PM

Russ: Kendall is no sentimental favorite 10:01 PM

Russ: Paul would be. Also no one really believes in him right now 10:01 PM

Kirk: I blame Palmer for that 10:02 PM

Russ: Some players are not worth the risk 10:03 PM

Russ: You mean a low upside injury prone qb got hurt? 10:03 PM

Kirk: Is it funnier to post this before the FAAB or after. 10:03 PM

Russ: Before especially if rookie sees it 10:04 PM

Kirk: Okay ill get it up tonight. Thanks again. 10:04 PM

Russ: He will have to decide whether to wash those cloth diapers by hand AGAIN (you know he does cloth) , before the wife smashes a dirty one in his face 10:05 PM

Russ: This was fun 10:05 PM

Kirk: They are definitely cloth....asshole. “Save the world for my kids!”....loser. 10:05 PM