Wednesday FAABnalysis -- 10/24/12

Hit play.  Do it.  JUST FUCKING DO IT, okay?

Big auction today, with one really big prize.  I'm so geeked up to get into it, I don't even want to monkeypaw around with an intro.  So this is me mailing it in...

• 27 total claims
• 15 cash claims
• $103 spent on claims
• $6.87 per cash claim

But before we dive into the analysis of the individual claims, I want to talk about the "FAAB" acronym, and we should / shouldn't be using it.  FAAB stands for "Free Agent Acquisition Budget."  So it's the pool of money, not the act of bidding or the auction itself.  Therefore, I'd like to suggest an alternate meaning: Free Agency Auction Bidding.  FAAB.  Is that good for everyone?  Sorry fantasy football industry, but I just improved upon your shitty fucking acronym.  You're welcome.  Now don't forget the reach-around, quimby.

Tally-ho!  On to today's "Free Agent Grabs" (you can figure that acronym out for yourself)...

Rashad Jennings -- $47 to Nathan

dropped: David Wilson / other bids: $41 to Alan, $40 to Norris, $36 to Rookie (fuck you for bidding one dollar more than I had available, you prick), $21 to Derrick, $20 to Chad, $14 to Ben, $13 to Paul, $12 to Joe, $11 to Kendall, $7 to Patrick

This is going to take a few paragraphs to properly cover.  But because I'm an ass, I'll use numbers to make it look like a list.

1) Eleven of the 14 CKLers were involved in this auction.  On the sidelines were Mark, Kirk, and Russ.

2) Why did Nathan bid $47?  Seems like a weird, arbitrary amount.  But then it dawned on me: Wasn't this the amount Patrick bid on Peyton Manning last season?

3) This blurb from ESPN is what caused me to throttle my $35 bid down to $11:

Jones-Drew has been diagnosed with a sprained foot and will be sidelined multiple weeks but will not need surgery, ESPN's Adam Schefter reports. 

Spin: The fact that Jones-Drew doesn't need surgery means he was able to avoid a Lisfranc injury, which is the bright side. The down side is that fantasy owners will be without one of their top picks for at least a few games. Rashad Jennings will surely be this week's top waiver-wire pickup.

So it's possible this was just a three-week rental for Nathan, not a whole-season value play.

4) I found the ownership pattern of Jennings to be a bit comical:

Added from Waivers for $47 by THUNDER BEAROct 24, 12:01 PM

Dropped by THUNDER BEARSep 12, 12:01 PM

Drafted #123 overall (9th Rd) by THUNDER BEARAug 19, 4:21 PM

By the way, if you ever want to see that, click on the player's name, then on the "Transactions" tab on the top left of the pop-up window.  Cool feature, and one that I just discovered in the last week or so.

5) Did Nathan need this guy?  Alfred Morris, Doug Martin, and Steven Jackson say hello.  Get your RB-needy selves ready to field some trade offers from THUNDER BEAR.  (Nathan, you can reach me at kendallhowell@gmail.com)

6) This claim, along with the $1 Devery Henderson claim (more on that later, though you can probably already guess what I'm going to say), reduced Nathan to $4 remaining in his budget, and in sole possession of the lead in the race for the Blown Load.  He took that honor away from me, so look for a $35 bid on Kevin Fucking Ogletree on Friday so I can go ahead and re-take the lead and stitch that one up.

7) Here's the chalk talk for Chad... Jennings is a nice 6-foot-1, 228-pound power back who grew up in Forest (between Lynchburg and Bedford) and attended Liberty University.  He's had trouble staying healthy in the NFL, but has outlasted such greats as Deji Karim and Jalen Parmele to emerge as the handcuff to Maurice Jones-Drew.  While Mojo is out, Jennings will likely be the focal point of the Jaguar offense, given that they have that surfer-cut pile of walking dogshit at quarterback.  Since it sounds like MJD's foot injury isn't the deadly and dreaded visit from that whore Liz Frank, I imagine THUNDER BEAR is looking at a 3-5 week run of goodness here, as the Jags face GB, DET, IND, HOU, and TEN in the coming weeks.  I count 2.5 weeks where Jennings might be an impact starter during that time.  Was that worth $47?


LaRod Stephens-Howling -- $17 to Ben
dropped: Haloti Ngata or Cameron Jordan (tuesday drops!) / other bids: $15 to Kendall, $13 to Derrick, $8 to Joe, $4 to Paul, $4 to Nathan

This is what I said two weeks ago, when Rookie claimed LRSH for $11:

Oh man, I love this little guy. Loved him at Pitt, loved what he's done in the pros when he's gotten a chance. I'm not sure if he's the guy for the Cards. If he is, I'm not sure he can withstand the pounding. If he can, I'm not sure it'll matter -- like I said before, Arizona straight SUCKS at running the football. If it does matter, I'm not sure LRSH can hold off Powell, Smith, and possibly Ivory. Add up that uncertainty, and you're looking at a longshot lottery ticket here, in my estimation. For $11, I think that's fine, because the upside is Darren Sproles.

Well, he cleared the Smith and Ivory hurdles, and put up 20 carries for 104 yards and a touchdown against the Vikings' good-to-quite-good run defense.  That, on top of 4 receptions for 45 yards.  It was a cool 20-point day for LaRod.  As the stubborn William Powell owner, I still think that LRSH has - at best - a half of this split backfield, but I'd have my head all the way up my ass if I didn't admit that maybe a small, shifty, explosive, dynamic guy like Stephens-Howling is exactly what the Cards need to have running the ball, given the sad state of affairs along their offensive line.  (No holes?  Just squirt outside.  There's a sex joke in there somewhere, can't believe I let it slip away.)

Sometimes I make bids I know won't win the auction just so I can say I made a bid and gave an effort.  This was one of those times.  Couldn't justify bidding what it'd take to land this guy, as having two Cardinal running backs on your team at the same time is like looking in the mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times.  Ben, I wish you the best of luck as you hitch a wagon to this 5-foot-7, 185 pound stallion.

Ryan Broyles -- $12 to Rookie

dropped: Terrell Sucks / other bids: $1 to Derrick, $0 to Kendall

Nate Burleson finally died and opened up a spot for either/neither Titus Young Senior and/or Ryan Broyles.  Not sure what the appeal is here.  It's not like Broyles holds any NCAA receiving records or anything.  Wait, what?  Oh.  Shit.  Anyway, it sounds like Young Sr. will play outside opposite Megatron, with Broyles manning the slot.  If the Lions can pump some life into Fat Face Matt Stafford and figure out the art of the forward pass, maybe this guy Broyles might be worth a damn.  He's a young guy with talent who is about to see his role increase, so I understand the bid.  $12 on a $2 or $3 value, though... that's just showoffy wad-slapping, Rookie.  Go make it rain somewhere else, you pud.

Charles Tillman -- $6 to Alan

dropped: Charles Woodson (tuesday drop!) / other bids: $3 to Ben

Chaz Woodson broke his collarbone.  I thought it was a really mean-spirited move to tuesday drop his ass for that.  But now we know just how cold and heartless the Juris United machine can be.  In any case, Tillman represents a nice upgrade, as he is the 3rd-highest PPG scorer among defensive backs, behind only Cortland Finnegan's three picks and a TD and Antoine Winfield's two picks and a sack to go along with gaudy tackle numbers.  Tillman should have been snatched up, $6 was an appropriate bid, and 12 of the rest of us were caught sleeping here.

Dumpster Diving...

Greg Little, $3 to Russ -- I don't really know or understand what ails the Magic Stick, but I am pretty certain Little is not the cure.  The guy makes catches (read: horrific drops) like he has dicks for fingers.

Cecil Shorts, $3 to Mark -- Two things I like about this one: 1) Ben bid $7 for him, but didn't pick him up because he was out of rooster space after the LRSH claim, and 2) Shorts has been sitting there, literally begging one of us to pick him up, for weeks.  The guy's explosive, and it looks to me like he has a bead on the #1 receiver job in JAX.

DeMarcus Ware, $3 to Chad -- In the words of the immortal Paul Gilbert: ":FARTSOUND:"

Chris Cooley, $2 to Mark -- Cooley somehow managed to escape the glue factory, and has the glory of playing for the NFL minimum (plus a case of Natty Lite) to serve as the Redskins' #3 tight end behind future hall-of-famers Logan Paulsen and Niles Paul.  What Mark did here is what those in the industry call "getting cute."

Leonard Hankerson, $2 to Joe -- The Roo Tang Clan is now just a Josh Morgan away from collecting the entire set of shitty non-Garçon (alt-135) Redskin wide receivers!

Devery Henderson, $1 to Nathan -- Nate just bought a Cinnabon at the airport.  Enjoy the jizzy hot syrup.

Delanie Walker, $0 to Derrick -- Huh?

Brady Quinn, $0 to Joe / John Skelton, $0 to Norris -- Living proof that this league is hellbent on rostering every single starting quarterback in the NFL.  I can't wait to watch you fools fall all over yourselves to pick up that shitbag Alex Smith on Friday.

Shane Vereen, $0 to Paul -- What does Paul have in common with 30 non-Tom Coughlin NFL head coaches?  They are all severely mindfucked by Bill Belichick.  Ridley/Bolden/Vereen.  Ridbolreen.  Paul, if you could Dr. Thoreau that shit, more power to you.  From where I'm sitting, this just looks like the sucking Sarlacc Pit of New England running backs.  (Patrick, he's primed for you to dangle Woodhead in a trade offer!)

Jamie Harper, $0 to Kendall -- Oh, great.  The guy who might end up being the Titans' goal line back.  *sigh*  Well, I know who I'm dropping in the mad scramble to pick up Alex Smith on Friday!

I'm not going to waste my time commenting on the rest of the flotsam and jetsam this week.  If you made a claim that wasn't covered in the above commentary, just know that nobody cares and that it wasn't important.

Remaining Budgets:
Blackpool Penguins -- $72
Kick Azz Giants -- $72
Double-O Daddy -- $66
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $63
Juris United -- $63
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $61
Jesus the Moose -- $58
Achilles Heels -- $50
The Magic Stick -- $44
Roo Tang Clan -- $40
The Champeens -- $40
Nth Degree -- $37
Pink Nightmare -- $35
THUNDER BEAR -- $4

Biggest Claims to Date:

Rashad Jennings, $47 to Nathan on 10/24

Alex Green, $32 to Mark on 10/10

Kevin Ogletree, $26 to Kendall on 9/12

Greg Olsen, $21 to Kendall on 9/26

Chaz Schilens, $21 to Kirk on 10/3

Andre Brown, $19 to Russ on 9/19

LaRod Stephens-Howling, $17 to Ben on 10/24

Daniel Thomas, $16 to Rookie on 9/26

Robert Meachem, $15 to Paul on 10/10

Domenik Hixon, $14 to Nathan on 10/3

Jeremy Kerley, $13 to Derrick on 9/12

Daryl Richardson, $13 to Derrick on 9/19

Tashard Choice, $13 to Patrick on 9/26

Ramses Barden, $12 to Russ on 9/26

Brandon Bolden, $12 to Paul on 10/3

Montario Hardesty, $12 to Russ on 10/17

Ryan Broyles, $12 to Rookie on 10/24

Dexter McCluster, $11 to Nathan on 9/12

Brian Hartline, $11 to Rookie on 9/19

Sidney Rice, $11 to Joe on 9/21 (Friday FAAB Rebound!)

LaRod Stephens-Howling, $11 to Rookie on 10/10

Danny Woodhead, $10 to Patrick on 10/10


That's it for this week. But as always, remember...

GOTTA SPEND TO WIN!