Ready...Begin
Ben: Yo. I'll be traveling to Anchorage tomorrow. Wanna knock out the pre-dick-shuns? 5:27 PM
Ben: See what I did there - hidden profanity is always funny. 5:27 PM
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Kirk: So I was in the woods camping with the kids. You able to do this, or should I call in a sub? 5:05 PM
Ben: I am ready! 5:06 PM
Kirk: Let's knock it out. Are you in Anchorage now? 5:06 PM
Ben: Yep. Just ate delicious AK sushi, so feeling sleepy and distracted from work. 5:07 PM
Ben: Where were you camping, Canteen Boy? 5:09 PM
Kirk: My sons' school does camping once a year with all the kids. I ended up with 28 8-10 years olds. And yes 8-10 year old girls are bitches. 5:10 PM
Ben: You love bitches, right? 5:13 PM
Ben: Gonna need an example. 5:13 PM
Kirk: We had to shut down a girl from passing a note to this other girl that said that no one liked her. 5:14 PM
Kirk: That shit was true, but you don't put it in a note. You slap that bitch in the field when no one is looking. 5:15 PM
Ben: Damn. What a bitch. 5:15 PM
Ben: Well, you need to pass the note to instigate the other girl to violence. Then you didn't throw the first punch. 5:16 PM
Kirk: And I don't want to flash elite status, but I send my kids to a fairly expense hippie school in Roanoke. 5:19 PM
Kirk: Some how I thought the bitches would get "weeded" out during the interview process. 5:20 PM
Ben: There's your problem. Stick to the low expectations of public school. 5:20 PM
Kirk: Yeah if bitches be stalking around every corner, then daddy can save those bills for his own needs. 5:22 PM
Kirk: This shit has started so negative, please let's start with the Friendship. I need a pick me up 5:23 PM
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Ben: Ok. I'll wait for you to lube your ass and then we can get to it. 5:24 PM
Ben: I assume you please yourself while talking about the Friendship, no? 5:25 PM
Kirk: Constantly. It's blister in the sun over here 5:25 PM
Pink Nightmare vs. The Sexy Badasses
ESPN Game Line: Kirk by 25.7Kirk: My sweet lover starts out with: Matt Ryan (QB), Giovani Bernard (RB), Rashard Jennings (RB), Crabtree (WR), Brandin Cook (WR), and Niles Paul (TE) 5:26 PM
Kirk: Niles Paul (AKA) Racist Skins TE 5:27 PM
Kirk: I sport Aaron Rodgers (QB), Matt "Sweet Team Savior" Asiata (RB), Chris Ivory (RB), Keenan "Finally" Allen (WR), G Tate (TE), and Martellus Bennet (TE) 5:28 PM
Kirk: I am assuming a Kendall lock from you 5:28 PM
Ben: Not so sure about that. Not a lock. 5:29 PM
Ben: He and I both shit the bed last week. 5:29 PM
Ben: You both have surprisingly good TEs. 5:30 PM
Kirk: That is a fucking luck struck, and no skill on my part. 5:31 PM
Ben: Oh man I could use that as a double entendre as well. Hee-Hee 5:31 PM
Kirk: So you are me, what do you do with AP? 5:31 PM
Ben: Trade. 5:32 PM
Ben: But it has to be hard to part ways. 5:32 PM
Ben: I am in the same situation. Hard to break up with the guys that brought me such joy. 5:32 PM
Ben: I am not even making gay jokes on purpose for the Friendship. 5:33 PM
Ben: They just magically appear. 5:33 PM
Kirk: Yeah but who is going to trade for AP now. Don't you think AP's value would increase in the middle to end of the season we some have given up? 5:35 PM
Ben: You mean like someone who might be 0-5? 5:36 PM
Kirk: Yeah given up the ship when you are 0-5, but we'll get to your final stand against Patrick in a minute. 5:36 PM
Kirk: Does Kendall's team as it stands right now...suck? 5:37 PM
Ben: No, you know he will make the playoffs. 5:37 PM
Ben: I gonna pick you this week in an upset. 5:38 PM
Kirk: Actually ESPN has me favored by...26 5:39 PM
Ben: Whoa! 5:40 PM
Kirk: Let me ask the Kendall question another way....heads up trade, would you swap team with Kendall? 5:40 PM
Ben: Ok then. 5:40 PM
Ben: No 5:40 PM
Kirk: Fair enough 5:40 PM
Kirk: Let's move on to the Moose.
Kirk: You come into this week 0-4. If my theory holds true you have 1 loss left to give 5:42 PM
Jesus the Moose vs. Glitterfist Lasersnakes
ESPN Gameline: Ben by 19.3Kirk: You come into this week 0-4. If my theory holds true you have 1 loss left to give 5:42 PM
Kirk: What player do you hold responsible for your team's situation. 5:43 PM
Ben: Witten has been a bum. 5:43 PM
Ben: Mega under achieves. 5:44 PM
Ben: Knowshon's injury is a bitch 5:44 PM
Kirk: Ben: Brees (QB), M Lynch (RB), Brian Quick (RB), Megatron (WR), Sammy Watkins (WR), Jason Witten (TE) 5:44 PM
Kirk: Patrick: T Brady (QB), Arian Foster (RB), Ben Tate (RB), Dez Bryant (WR), Andre Johnson (WR), Greg Olsen (TE) 5:45 PM
Kirk: I think you have this in a blow out. 5:46 PM
Ben: Hope so, shit... 5:46 PM
Ben: I feel like the team has devolved to Cactus Jockey status. 5:47 PM
Kirk: Ben Tate being back doesn't help the situation. 5:47 PM
Kirk: What the fuck is up with Jesus the Moose by the way? 5:48 PM
Kirk: What does that even mean? 5:48 PM
Ben: Just something that came out if my mouth when I saw a giant moose a few years ago. 5:49 PM
Kirk: Well played. Same shit that came out of my mouth when I saw a moose. Fucking 3 cars accident big. 5:51 PM
Ben: The moose also looked like he was walking on water, so yeah. 5:52 PM
Kirk: Yeah I am going with the Moose. This should be your week and we can finally start writing Patrick off for this season. 5:54 PM
Kirk: Okay game of the week this week. 3-1 Norris vs 3-1 Champion Chad 5:55 PM
Double-O Daddy vs. Blackpool Penguins
ESPN Gameline: Norris by 3.9
Ben: With Andrew Luck's performance so far, Norris looks like the team to beat. 5:56 PM
Kirk: Norris: Lucky Luck (QB), DeMark (RB), Lorenzo Taliafero (RB), Julio Jones (WR), AJ Green (WR), Larry Donnell (TE) 5:57 PM
Ben: Larry Donnell, why didn't I bid on you? 5:58 PM
Kirk: Chad: ( Nick Foles (QB), Alf (RB), Bishop Sankey (RB). And Tony O Brown WR), Eman Sands (WR), Delanie Walker (TE) 5:58 PM
Error: this message was not successfully delivered. 5:58 PM
Kirk: Chad: Nick Foles (QB), Alf (RB), Bishop Sankey (RB). And Tony O Brown WR), Eman Sands (WR), Delanie Walker (TE) 5:59 PM
Ben: Amazing that that is a 3-1 team. 6:00 PM
Kirk: I was chasing the Rainbow Retreads is my excuse. 6:00 PM
Ben: New names are taking over the top slots for sure. 6:00 PM
Ben: Maybe Norris's attempt at all those 30 day self-improvements really worked. 6:02 PM
Ben: Everything is coming up NoBunn! 6:03 PM
Kirk: He's amazing and constantly improving. 6:04 PM
Ben: And his hair is just dreamy. 6:04 PM
Ben: (Sellout coming soon Norris) 6:04 PM
Kirk: I give this to Norris. I really like Chad's team but he needs a QB to lead it. And Delanie Walker. That was out of the blue for me. 6:05 PM
Kirk: On the otherside of the coin is the desperately struggling (1-3) Doc and (1-3) Mark. 6:07 PM
Kirk: Doc: Rivers (QB), Shane Vereen (RB), Gronk (TE), and the Devil's 3-way of Colston (WR), Steve Smith (WR), and Eric Decker (WR) 6:08 PM
Kirk: There is no hit in that parade. 6:08 PM
Kirk: No Smith is doing well. Rivers needs to pass to Keenan Allen a lot more. 6:09 PM
Kirk: Mark: Stafford (QB), Matt Forte (RB), Victor Cruz (WR), Eddie Lacy (RB), Reggie Waynge (WR), and Heath Miller (TE) 6:10 PM
Kirk: Mark's team is very strong and I really felt lucky beating him. 6:11 PM
Ben: Sorry, had a long call there. 7:35 PM
Ben: Still only 3:45 here. 7:36 PM
Ben: But yeah, I give this one to Mark. 7:36 PM
Kirk: No problem. Few more left on the junket 7:43 PM
Voodoo Brown vs. THUNDER BEAR
ESPN Gameline: Joe by 30.1Kirk: Joe (3-1) vs. Nathan (2-2) 7:43 PM
Kirk: Joe: Cutler (QB), Dougy Fresh Martin (RB), Zac Stacy (RB), Frenchie (WR), Torrey Smith (WR) Jimmy Johns (TE). 7:44 PM
Kirk: Bear: Alex Smith (QB), Smok-a Bush (RB), Money Ball (RB), Brandon Marshall (WR), V-Jac (WR), and Travis (AKA the Chiefs' TE) Kelce (TE) 7:47 PM
Kirk: How mad are you as Joe with a tattoo of a Bear on your leg playing the team that should be your team name by rights 7:47 PM
Kirk: Me...fucking furious, but then as Joe I am always furious. 7:48 PM
Ben: That is true. Maybe Joe should adopt the "steal names" approach. Kick-ass Sexy Magic Pink BEAR named Jesus from Barclay. 7:54 PM
Ben: Best team name ever! 7:54 PM
Kirk: Joe I hope you are fucking paying attention. Genius has been sent in from Alaska for your ass. 7:56 PM
Kirk: Alaska! 7:56 PM
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Ben: Glitter could probably fit in there somewhere too. 7:56 PM
Kirk: I'm sorry Glitter...do we have a team named Glitter? I thought we kick out all the bitches.... 7:57 PM
Kirk: Oh that's right...fucking Patrick.... 7:58 PM
Kirk: I mean...great name Patrick and your much feared team of fabulousness.
7:58 PM
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7:58 PM
Ben: Once I get to hotel, I'll send a much better AK pic. 7:59 PM
Kirk: Please do. 8:00 PM
Kirk: The game for me is the final word on the no real debate. Nathan is playing Alex Smith as the clear starter for his team 8:01 PM
Kirk: However in the next 3 weeks, Nathan plays Glitter Chubbies, me, and Doc. So even with a loss here, he could go 5-3 rolling into the last 5 games. 8:03 PM
Kirk: I think Joe has a good starting line-up miss a RB and no clear Bench. He's a paper Bear at best. 8:04 PM
Kirk: Nathan has maybe... 2 good TEs. That's it. Team summarized. 8:06 PM
Kirk: Joe wins and rolls. 8:06 PM
Ben: Stone Bear tattoo over Thunder BEAR. 8:08 PM
Kirk: Okay Russ and Paul 8:10 PM
The Magic Stick vs. Barclay Street Bruisers
ESPN Gameline: Paul by 1.0
Kirk: Russ: Flacco (QB), LeeShawn McCoy (RB), J Charles (RB), Jordy Nelson (WR), Cordarrelle (1 too many Rs) Patterson (WR), Jace "Not a Typo" Amaro (TE - NYJ) 8:12 PM
Kirk: Paulie: Eli "the Phoenix" Manning, Andre Ellington (RB), Julius Thomas (TE), Devil's 3 Way - Roddy White, Alshon Jeffrey, Jeremy Maclin 8:13 PM
Kirk: If you are Russ...you loss to Paul...do you firesell this "dream" team 8:14 PM
Ben: He looked strong last week. 8:19 PM
Ben: Jammy C is a man. 8:20 PM
Kirk: I can't in good consciousness ever pull for Russ. He is evil. I want this to be Paul's year, and I am starting to believe now that hooked up to a miracle 8:22 PM
Kirk: I'm over playing the Eli Manning 33+ points in one game, but for Paul I would dare to dream 8:23 PM
Kirk: If not it's Carson "Hot Dog" Palmer or Andy Dalton. 8:24 PM
Ben: Gotta disagree here. I think Russ has the hot hand. 8:32 PM
Kirk: Okay last one.....Rookie vs. Yado 8:36 PM
Fuck Ready Felines vs. The Hezballers
ESPN Gameline: Rookie by 47.5
Kirk: Rook is Manning (QB), Le'Veon Bell (RB), Antonio Gates (TE), and the Devil's 3 Way....Randall Cobb (WR), Kelvin Benjamin (WR), and Deandre Hopkins (WR) 8:38 PM
Kirk: Yado brings Romo (QB), Steven Jackson (RB), CJ Spiller (RB), Terrance Williams (WR), and Zan Ertz (TE) 8:38 PM
Kirk: I assume D Thomas (WR) joins the team but he has yet to make the substitution. 8:39 PM
Kirk: Probably Percy Harvin for Terrance Williams 8:40 PM
Kirk: Its a little bit of a train wreck as the Thursday night game begins. 8:41 PM
Kirk: Is Rookie's team worth being in the same sentence as our beloved Norris? 8:41 PM
Ben: No to Rook v Norris, but he still has some horses (whores-es?). 8:48 PM
Ben: Yado has been in the good side of luck so far. I think Rook helps even it out a bit here. 8:48 PM
Ben: Never mind on the email address. 8:50 PM
Kirk: Okay man that is a wrap. Don't fuck any of those slobo oil rig women. 9:01 PM
Kirk: They are a bit too strange, and enjoy some first nation bullshit. 9:02 PM
Ben: Don't worry, Alaska isn't exactly known for their beautiful women... 9:03 PM
Ben: I take it back, Anchorage has surprised me tonight. 10:32 PM
Kirk: Really? 11:15 AM
Ben: On the pretty girls, yes. On me screwing around, of course not. 11:17 AM
Bonus: Enjoy the Dave Chappelle Rick James bit.
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