Add/Drop/Trade/Kill/Destroy*: Prediction and Projections from the Corner Office: Week 4 (Dick Slaps, Trade Offers, Cock Push-Ups, 1993, & Spit Takes)

Kirk: It is pouring down rain in Raleigh today like me after 4 beers. Hard, strong, and kinda yellow. 2:24 PM

Ben: You can pee hard? 2:27 PM

Kirk: Damn straight! A few months ago I decided that peeing was taking too long so I started forcing my pee out. I starting doing keegals for my penis 2:34 PM

Kirk: Now I have regular and chip the porcelain 2:35 PM

Kirk: And yes. In my world peeing was taking up enough time for me to come up with a plan. 2:36 PM

Ben: Cock push-ups could help too. 2:38 PM

Ben: Thank you Jack Black. 2:38 PM

Kirk: So are you Aaron Rodgers telling the fans to chill after starting the season 0-3 or are you ready to fire sale the team? 2:41 PM

Kirk: Let me ask that another way 3:09 PM

Kirk: Historically you have to be 8-5 to even think about the playoffs in this league. You are 0-3. Do you think your team can go 8-2 from now on? 3:10 PM

Ben: I am worried, but not ready to abandon ship yet. Another loss and I may be trading to get younger (hint to league). 3:13 PM

Ben: But damn, I can't believe this team is 0-3. 3:13 PM

Kirk: I can't believe Rookie is 3-0 and commands the league alone 3:16 PM

Ben: Just a matter of time until the implosion of Sex to the Nth Degree. 4:12 PM

Ben: And explosion of the Benevolent and Awesome Moose 4:13 PM

Kirk: I'd like to think that for you and I would like you to end Russ's season this week. He is sitting on 0-3 as well. 5:39 PM

Kirk: Trade update 5:42 PM

Kirk: BSB traded Mike Wallace, Mia WR to BEAR BSB traded Montee Ball, Den RB to BEAR BEAR traded Lamar Miller, Mia RB to BSB BEAR traded Roddy White, Atl WR to BSB5:42 PM

Ben: Pretty good and even trade. 5:46 PM

Ben: No wait, I read that wrong. 5:47 PM

Ben: BEAR got the better deal in my eyes. 5:47 PM

Kirk: Long term maybe but I think Paul is playing a "What can you do for me this week game." Which I believe to be a champion's game. 6:23 PM

Ben: Paul was always looking for the one night stand. What a slut. 7:16 PM

Ben: But yeah, good strategy... 7:16 PM

Ben: You have to be happy with 2-1 given no AP and an underachieving Rodgers. 9:04 PM

Kirk: I have been very lucky. Norris I squeaked by and Russ is in a slump. I could very easily be 0-3 right now. 10:33 AM

Kirk: However post Purple Jesus I am 2-0 10:33 AM

Kirk: Let's start with this week's game of the week. "The Last Stand" You vs. Russ 10:36 AM

The Magic Stick at Jesus the Moose

ESPN Gameline: Ben by 0.7

Kirk: Russ is bringing Flacco (QB), Knile Davis (RB), LeShawn (RB), Jordy Nelson (WR), Cod a Really Patterson (WR), and Coby Fleener (TE) 10:37 AM

Kirk: You have Brees (QB), Shonn "Oh My God I have to Play Him" Greene, MegaTron (WR), Samuel Watkins (WR), Kenny Stills (WR), and Jason Witten (TE) 10:39 AM

Kirk: You also need to buy a D-Line. Drop them bitches so I can quick pick them up 10:40 AM

Kirk: In fact I am going to make a trade offer 10:44 AM

Ben: Good I like to trade. 11:06 AM

Ben: And I will be the voice of Kendall today with a "horrible, just horrible" on that Patterson nickname. 11:07 AM

Kirk: You've got a hill to climb this week. 11:32 AM

Kirk: Today is 1993 today in my world. I have been listening to only music released in 1993. Just to remind myself that people born 1993 can drink now.

11:51 AM

Kirk: Texting with me has to be a struggle. I went back and could barely read some of that. 11:55 AM

Kirk: Oh here's a good one. "25 years and my life is still Trying to get up that great big hill of hope For a destination." 12:06 PM

Kirk: Let me get this straight...Everyday She steps outside, gets high, and scream at the top of her lungs "What's Going On?!" 12:09 PM

Kirk: Day 2 I'm calling the cops... 12:10 PM

Kirk: Fucking hippies... 12:10 PM

Ben: I love 4 Non-Blonds. Such a weird one hit wonder group. 12:18 PM

Ben: Maybe if I pick against myself I will win...? 12:18 PM

Kirk: I think you ...wait, wait....Aerosmith "Cyrin"...."Your love is sweet misery." 12:26 PM

Kirk: Ben I got you in this one and Russ burns up in the first 1/3 of the season. 12:26 PM

Kirk: Okay movin on....Doc vs. Paul 12:27 PM

Bruisers at Azz Giants

ESPN Gameline: Paul by 6.5

Kirk: Paul is now The Other Manning (QB), Lamar Miller (RB), Alshon Jeffery (WR), Roddy White (WR), Brandin Cooks (WR), and Ladarius Green (TE) for SD 12:28 PM

Kirk: He like you is running the Devil's Threeway 12:28 PM

Kirk: But he is facing a Devil's Threeway...Kappy Nick (QB), Pierre Thomas (RB), Gronk (TE), and DeSean (WR), Steve Smith SR (WR), Marques Colston (WR) 12:30 PM

Kirk: Paul better pray to god of skinny white punks that Roddy White plays this week because he has no one on the bench. 12:32 PM

Ben: Surprisingly, I see Doc walking away with a win here. 12:36 PM

Ben: When is Kaepernick going to start earning his $20 mil paycheck. 12:37 PM

Kirk: I'm not surprised. I think Paul is in an off week and Doc has a better situation. 12:44 PM

Kirk: Rejected trade....did you counter that shit? 12:44 PM

Kirk: Nope...no counter...that is a dick slap in the face. 12:45 PM

Ben: Gotta give me a square deal man. I may look desperate, but not ready to let you take me from behind. 12:46 PM

Kirk: I go out of my way to suck you off and all you can slap my cheek with your limp dick. 12:46 PM

Ben: I'll get you a counter. 12:46 PM

Kirk: For the record...Leodis McKelvin CB for Bobby Wagner LB who is off this week. 12:47 PM

Ben: That's right, a CB who had one good week for a LB that is super consistent. 12:47 PM

Kirk: That's what I call a Joe Sellers Special 12:49 PM

Kirk: However I will not rigorously defend it out of desperation 12:49 PM

Kirk: On to the Chad vs. Rookie...Isn't this the Silent Bowl? 12:51 PM

Fuckable Fuzzball vs. Double-O Daddy

ESPN Gameline: Rookie by 6.7

Kirk: Muff Mousers have Kirk Cousins (QB), LeVeon Bell (RB), Corn Cobb (WR), Kelvin Benjamin (WR), Bradshaw (RB), and Antonio Gate (TE) 12:53 PM

Kirk: Chad rolls out Nick Foles (QB), Alfred Morris (RB), Bishop Sankey (RB), Antonio Brown (WR), Greg Jennings (WR), and Owen Daniels (TE) 12:54 PM

Kirk: Chad is a little better than this line-up. He is shopping players and is hoping he doesn't have to play Bishop "can't out run Shonn Greene" Sankey 12:57 PM

Kirk: I don't know what is in his heart, so really its me hoping he doesn't have to play Bishop Sankey 12:58 PM

Ben: Counter in, mahfakka. 12:59 PM

Ben: Gotta say Rookie fields a strong team in Bye Week Hell. 1:00 PM

Ben: The Titan RBs are horrible! 1:00 PM

Kirk: Damn I hate you! 1:11 PM

Kirk: DeAndre Levy Wes Welker for Bobby Wagner Terrance West 1:12 PM

Ben: You must not hate me too much. No decline yet...? 1:13 PM

Ben: West has potential, Welker is injury prone and hopped up on PEDs. 1:14 PM

Ben: Shit, are we publishing this long-ass thread? 1:14 PM

Ben: Negotiation - bam! 1:16 PM

Kirk: I am going to sleep on it for an minute. 1:17 PM

Note: I went back over the text on my phone and Ben stated he went with Rookie. I am going with Chad.

Kirk: IN the meantime....Joe vs. Patrick 1:23 PM

Lasersnakes vs. Voodoo Brown

ESPN Gameline: Joe by 16.1

Kirk: Red Queens still in Judgement over Patrick's team...5 Qs in the active line-up. 1:24 PM

Kirk: Tom Brady (QB), Arian Foster (RB) Q, Dez Bryant (WR) Q, Andre Johnson (WR) Q, Joique Bell (RB) Q, Greg Olsen (TE)....Thomas Davis (LB) Q 1:25 PM

Kirk: Voodoo Child has Culter (QB), Dougy Martin (RB), Hakeem Nicks (WR), DeAnelgo Williams (RB), Frenchy Garcon (WR), and Jimmy Jam (TE) 1:27 PM

Ben: Miss you, Garçon, but fuck you for blowing up like that post trade. 3:40 PM

Ben: I am going JINX here. Cutler has surprised me; Brees to Jimmy is due; and Pierre is sure to continue the hot hand just to piss me off. 3:43 PM

Kirk: What about West for Welker straight up? 4:08 PM

Kirk: Yeah the red Queen hangs Patrick. Voodoo moves to 3-1. 4:09 PM

Kirk: The other game of the week is Kendall Norris 4:10 PM

Blackpool Penguins vs. Pink Nightmare

ESPN Gameline: Norris by 6.1

Kirk: Norris has Luck (QB), DeMark (RB), Julio Jones (WR), Jordan Matthew (RB), Darren Sproles (RB), and Larry Donnel otherwise known as the TE for the Giants. 4:12 PM

Kirk: He also has my vote for logo of the week 4:12 PM

Kirk: Kendall is Matt Ryan (RB), Rashad Jennings (RB), Niles Paul (aka Washington's TE), and Devil's Threeway of Maclin, Crabtree, and Allen Hurns 4:13 PM

Kirk: He is the punch guy for the Jaguars 4:14 PM

Kirk: I think Norris has this one. 4:15 PM

Ben: Tough one! Hard to pick against Kendall, but Norris looks very strong. 4:17 PM

Ben: Also, I could do that trade. Still need a couple DPs. Sigh. 4:17 PM

Kirk: Also why do you think Kendall Howell is hanging onto Matt Prater ? A suspended kicker for Denver who is on a bye week? 4:18 PM

Ben: Gamesmanship. 4:18 PM

Kirk: That's different game than I am playing. 4:59 PM

Kirk: So Kendall or Norris boss? 4:59 PM

Ben: Norris 5:00 PM

Kirk: And the bye week trade happens. Terrance West for Wes Welker. Both of us taking a risk, both of us hoping for a miracle. 8:02 PM

Kirk: Wes Welker is better off without me. I'm off the field activity jinxed. 8:03 PM

Kirk: Okay we move on to Yado (2-1) and Nathan (1-2). 8:12 PM

The Hezballers vs. THUNDER BEAR

ESPN Gameline: Yado by 3.4

Kirk: Yado is rolling with Romo (QB), Stevie Jackson (RB), CJ Spiller (RB), Terrance Williams (WR), James Jones (WR), and Zach Ertz (TE) 8:13 PM

Kirk: Nathan has Alex Smith (QB), Feddie Jackson (RB), Donnie Brown (RB), Brandon Marshall (WR), Mike Wallace (WR), and Travis Kelce (TE) aka KC's TE 8:16 PM

Ben: Do these teams look like this because of bye week or just because? 8:23 PM

Ben: Of course the 0-3 guy has no room to talk such shit. 8:57 PM

Kirk: Fucking Spit Take Funny.....FSTF........just happened 9:45 PM

Ben: I am not sure what you just said or meant... 9:58 PM

Kirk: That was funny 10:12 PM

Ben: Larry Donnell dropping science on Pink Nightmare! 10:00 PM

Ben: And the 'Skins. Yeah, them too. 10:00 PM

Note: Technically no one called this game during the text session. For the record I am going with Yado.

The Champeens vs. The Sexy Badasses

ESPN Gameline: Mark by 14.4

Kirk: Okay last game Mark and I 10:14 PM

Kirk: Kirk: Aaron "Calm Down Cheeseheads" Rodgers (QB), Matt Asiata (RB), Khiry Robinson (RB0, Keenan Allen (WR), Cecil Shorts III (WR), and Martellus "Who Knew?" Bennet (TE)10:16 PM

Ben: Oh man, I shoulda traded you for Bennett! 10:17 PM

Kirk: Mark: Stafford (QB), Matt Forte (RB), Eddie Lacy (RB), Vic Cruz (WR), Julian Edelman (WR), and Dwayne Allen (TE) 10:17 PM

Kirk: He was my leading scorer last week. 10:18 PM

Ben: Peens might put a hurtin' on you this week if Rodgers doesn't show again. 10:54 PM

Ben: Mark is my lock of the week. Sorry dude. 10:58 PM