Wednesday FAABnalysis -- Week 2, 9/17/14

I hate this shit.

I really, really hate this shit.

Not the injuries or unpredictability of the young season, that stuff is fine.

What I hate is the media circus that has been Ray Rice and that has now shifted gears to Adrian Peterson, as the NFL becomes more and more like TMZ.  Watching the myriad of NFL and fantasy football shows should bring us tremendous amounts of information.  Instead, it all smacks of MTV -- that started out as music videos but now bears no resemblance to the origin.  They don't even play videos anymore.

It just seems like the more we get, the worse it gets.  I follow football because for my entire adult life, I have loved the game in all facets.  I wish with so many hours of programming to fill that there would be more info about personnel changes, coaching philosophies, scheme analytics, instructional material about special teams, interviews with college scouts and what they look for, or even General Managers talking about the salary cap!  Any/all of that stuff would be interesting and totally awesome to me!  I want more football nerd stuff like Smart Football and less sensationalist social agenda bullshit that the smut-slingers at ESPN want us to digest.

There are worthwhile tidbits from the NFL shows on ESPN and the NFL Network, don't get me wrong.  But those tidbits are harder to glean when the NFL is all about damage control and public opinion and "protecting the shield" (vomit).  I have seen the Ray Rice video a thousand times, now.  Domestic violence is a serious matter and I do not mean to downplay it.  That Peterson went too far in his attempt to discipline his child is worthy of legal attention and maybe it can spur important social discussion on corporal punishment, with Peterson as the poster boy.  But I'm a customer for FOOTBALL content, not the sensationalism that now swirls around the game.

Me?  I just love football, I don't care about the other shit.  I am hopelessly old school tunnel-visioned, in a world more interested in agendas, causes, sensationalism, and "protecting the brand."  I love football because it's an escape from everything that makes real life so shitty.

I guess what I'm saying is... I just miss the music videos.

Okay, you know the drill.  Short and sweet this week, and I'm efforting to make this installment a bit more humorous than last week's.  (But the fact that I'll be "efforting" probably guarantees that it won't be funny.  Whatever.  At least it's not a text exchange transcript.)

Kirk Cousins
Winning Bid: $35 to Rookie
Dropped: Jake Locker
Losing Bid(s):

• $23 to Russ
• $16 to Ben
• $11 to Joe
• $10 to Kendall
• $3 to Nathan (why bother?)

What I read somewhere about the player: "Robert Griffin III will miss extended time with a dislocated ankle, so Cousins will get an long look in coach Jay Gruden's offense. Cousins was solid in relief during an easy win over theJacksonville Jaguars: 22-of-33 for 250 yards, 2 TDs and no turnovers. I hesitate to call Cousins a must-add, but for Bobby Three Sticks owners, Cousins is a viable replacement. He presented a decidedly mixed bag in three starts late last season, showing varied pocket presence and accuracy, but he's a good athlete with a strong enough arm. His talent compares with that of Nick Foles. With the weapons at his disposal in D.C., Foles-like upside is possible."

FAABnalysis: I'm a huge Kirk Cousins fan, dating back to his days at Michigan State (RIP, Alan).  Seeing what Jay Gruden made Andy Dalton into (think 4,200 yards and 33 TDs last season, a top-5 QB for fantasy football), and knowing that in terms of ability on the football field, Cousins is pretty damn close to Dalton, I like this situation for the Redskins and now for Rookie.  That said, Andy Dalton had MUCH better weapons to throw to under Gruden in Cincy than does Cousins in DC, and the Bengals o-line is/was MUCH better than the one the Skins put on the field.  I still like the upside here, but Cousins is a QB2 in the CKL.  I feel like Rookie overpayed.  I also feel like it was a weird bid for him to throw out there, given that he has Peyton Manning.  Rook, you would have been better served keeping your 35 bucks and sitting on Jake Locker, mi amigo.

I do have a bold prediction here, though:  Cousins takes this Redskins job and never lets it go.  I bet nobody was happy to see RG3 go down, except for Kirk Cousins... and Jay Gruden.  Cousins is a *perfect* fit in Gruden's West Coast Offense.

Donald Brown
Winning Bid: $22 to Nathan
Dropped: Olivier Vernon
Losing Bid(s):

• $18 to Paul
• $18 to Rookie
• $17 to Derrick
• $12 to Kendall
• $11 to Mark
• $5 to Ben

What I read somewhere about the player: "You knew Ryan Mathews’ run of luck and good health was too good to last, and sure enough he’ll be down for a month or more with a sprained MCL. Enter Brown, one of the more curious offseason signings given Mathews’ success last season—but, as it turns out, one of the more prudent ones as well. On paper this week’s matchup with the Bills doesn’t look particularly favorable, but then again neither did last week’s with the Seahawks. After that Brown gets the Jaguars, Jets and Raiders; two of those teams rank among the three most fantasy-friendly for running backs. Again, he may not be the long-term love of your running back life but you’re at least covered at the position for the foreseeable future, with plenty of upside in the offing."

FAABnalysis: What a boring player for half the CKL to be bidding on!  I guess it's the Chargers' bellcow* role that's exciting, because Donald Brown is about as vanilla as they come.  I read some complimentary stat on him pre-draft, can't remember what it was.  Something about goal line efficiency or something.  Mouthfart.  But look, there's a reason this stiff was floating around in free agency without a home despite having a solid skillset -- he's just boring as fuck.  THUNDER BEAR : CKL :: San Diego Chargers : NFL.  Sorry Nathan.

*There are two animal terms for 1st and 2nd down runners who can handle / require 18-25 carries per game: workhorse and bellcow.  I like both terms very much.  I use both.  But I find myself subconsciously choosing "workhorse" for guys I think are exciting, and "bellcow" for guys that are less exciting.  Matt Forte is a workhorse back for the Bears.  Eddie Lacy?  Workhorse for the Packers.  Kevin Parks is a workhorse for UVA.  Donald Brown is about to be the Chargers' bellcow back.  BenJarvus Green-Ellis used to be the Bengals' bellcow back (Rudi Johnson was a workhorse.)  Stevan Ridley, bellcow.

I guess it really boils down to the difference between plowing fields and being a badass and fucking chicks and popping back beers with the guys, versus being a bitch that gives good milk.

Davante Adams
Winning Bid: $16 to Nathan
Dropped: San Antonio Holmes
Losing Bid(s):

• $8 to Kendall
• $2 to Mark

What I read somewhere about the player: "In Green Bay's season opening loss at Seattle, rookie receiver Davante Adams played only nine snaps, saw no targets, and thus didn't get his name in the box score. Jarrett Boykin served as the Packers' No. 3 receiver against the Seahawks, seeing the field for 49 snaps (also drawing zero throws, because Richard Sherman).

But Boykin had an early drop in Week 2, while things weren't going well against the Jets, and the door opened for Adams ...

Sure enough, by the end of the day Adams had played 37 snaps to Boykin's 35, and the rookie had drawn six targets, catching five for 50 yards. He also had a near-TD, for what it's worth. Adams appears to have vaulted over Boykin in the Pack's receiving hierarchy, at least for the moment. Drops are nothing new for Boykin, and Adams is a second-round pick with high expectations attached.

If you aren't familiar with Adams' collegiate work, check the stats — they're plenty impressive. He hauled in a ridiculous 131 passes last season for Fresno State, gaining 1,719 yards and finding the end-zone 24 times. Adams accounted for nearly half of Derek Carr's touchdown passes. Those two routinely did stuff like this and this. Adams has decent size (6-foot-1), good hands and stellar leaping ability (39.5-inch vertical). And, again, he's been a massively productive high-volume receiver.

We shouldn't need to convince you that Green Bay's offense is capable of supporting three useful fantasy receivers, because that's been the case throughout the Aaron Rodgers era. While the rest of your league is battling over handcuff RBs this week, consider making an add with full-season viability."

FAABnalysis: The above excerpt is from the awesome fantasy sports blog, Roto Arcade.  And I'll admit it -- after seeing Adams in college a few times (while I was scouting Fresno State head coach Tim DeRuyter for UVA's potential coaching vacancy), seeing the well-run Packers organization draft him in the 2nd round, and then seeing what he did on Sunday afternoon, I wanted Davante Adams BAD.  I even lied to Joe about him, to try to keep the heat off.  Said something like "I'm agnostic about the Packers' #3 receiver; Boykin never did much."  Sorry Joe, that was pure gamesmanship.  I wanted Adams, and I wanted him BAD.  But it turns out, Adams was just my Secretary Sleeper, as Nathan put the monetary heft behind his claim.  Now I'm left here at my desk, sulking, sad, alone, watching Jim bang Pam while I find some handporn on my phone to jack off to.

That'll do.

Mohamed Sanu
Winning Bid: $12 to Norris
Dropped: Bryce Brown
Losing Bid(s): 

• $11 to Joe
• $8 to Rookie

What I read somewhere about the player: "A.J. Green has a toe injury and could miss this week’s game against Tennessee. Green’s absence would leave Sanu as the Bengals No. 1 receiver. On Sunday, Sanu only caught three passes but they went for 84 yards and a score. Tennessee is historically tough on receivers but Andy Dalton won’t have many options outside of Giovani Bernard. Sanu should be targeted heavily against the Titans if Green is out."

FAABnalysis: Calm the fuck down, dudes.  AJG is not hurt that bad!  Meanwhile, propers to me for being on the Mosanu bandwagon first... and second...

Interesting note: Norris just effectively [sort of] handcuffed his best WR.  That's the world we live in, in a 14-team CKL in today's NFL.  Adapt and evolve, or go extinct.

Not the top-seller in the Bengals Pro Shop...
but solidly in the top 53!

Niles Paul

Winning Bid: $10 to Kendall
Dropped: Dexter McCluster ("Fun DMC")
Losing Bid(s):

• $9 to Ben
• $4 to Derrick
• $3 to Chad

What I read somewhere about the player: "To the surprise of no one, über-brittle Jordan Reed lasted all of seven snaps into the 2014 season before straining a hamstring. Add that to the list of maladies that have plagued the promising tight end—the worst of course being the concussion and the prospects of another hit to the head sidelining Reed for an even lengthier period of time. But Jay Gruden found a replacement right on the Redskins’ roster in Paul, who may elude some of your searches because some venues consider him a wide receiver. With 15 targets, a dozen catches, 185 yards and a touchdown through two games you can just call him the team’s most prolific pass-catcher and enjoy his productivity. Reed’s not coming back any time soon, and if/when he does there may not be a gig for him to come back to."

FAABnalysis: I'll admit, watching Owen Daniels snag those two touchdowns last Thursday while Dennis Pitta was in-line blocking has really been fucking with my head.  I don't know, man.  Fuck it.  I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  Other people get lucky with these shot-in-the-dark pickups, why can't I?

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Awful!  Awful joke!

I am clearly on tilt right now, folks!  On full fucking tilt!

EXCLAMATION POINT!!!

Niles Paul is starting for the Pink Nightmare this week, fuck all of you.

(Just playin'.  Pitta's still my guy.)

Larry Donnell
Winning Bid: $8 to Norris
Dropped: Stepfan Taylor
Losing Bid(s):

• $5 to Joe
• $5 to Chad
• $4 to Ben
• $3 to Derrick
• $2 to Mark
• $1 to Paul
• $0 to Kendall

What I read somewhere about the player: "Donnell is slow and isn't a great athlete, but I was impressed by how many difficult catches he made in Week 2. That's a good quality when you're grabbing passes from scattershot Eli Manning. Through two games, Donnell has 12 grabs, which puts him in the top 10 among TEs. In a checkdown-heavy Giants offense, Donnell has won the role of Eli's security blanket."

FAABnalysis: More people bid on Larry Donnell than on Donald Brown this week.  I don't really know where to stick that information, how to process it, or how I should wield it.  Larry Donnell.  Larry Fucking Donnell.  This guy:

Larry Donnell

Otherwise known as the Giants' starting tight end.

I was one of the bidders, so I have no room to talk.  But Norris, we'll be happy to see Larry dumped back onto the free agent junkheap sometime in the next couple of weeks.

Dumpster Diving...

Larry Foote, $7 to Mark -- Yado bid $3, Ben and Norris bid $2, and Rookie put in a claim, so this was a rare hotly-contested IDP claim.  Foote's been tickling the ballzack of the 10 point threshold in each of the first two weeks, so it looks like a nice claim for Mark.

Dan Carpenter, $4 to Yado

Emmanuel Lamur, $3 to Ben -- He's an unknown, but I can tell you the Bengals LOVE him.  Opposing teams are testing him by running right at him... and he's piling up the tackles as a result.  He's also Cincy's best linebacker in coverage, so unlike Vontaze Burfict and Rey Maualuga, Lamur never leaves the field.

Stephen Tulloch, $3 to Ben -- This is how you rebuild a CKL defense!

Damien Williams, $2 to Ben -- Me?  Personally?  I'm an Orleans Darkwa backer in this nutso in-flux Dolphins backfield.

Mother fucking right, Orleans Darkwa.
TULANE UNIVERSITY GREEN WAVE, FUCK YEAH!

RISE THE FUCK UP!

GET YOU SOME!

RECOGNIZE!

BOOM!

I'll stop now.  But who the fuck is Damien Williams?

Robert Turbin, $1 to Joe -- Ghouling is bad karma, man.  I tried to tell you once already.

Johnny Manziel, $0 to Mark

$0, bro.  Just stop.

Shayne Graham, $0 to Nathan -- Dropped the Nooge in order to pick up this piece of shit?  I am officially revoking your Kinda-Fan of the Cincinnati Bengals membership card, Nathan.

Jelani Jenkins, $0 to Kendall -- Is it a bad sign when you've never really heard of a player you just picked up to be a starting IDP?  Or am I just where three-quarters of the CKL has already been for the last four years?


That's it for this week.  But remember...

GOTTA SPEND TO WIN!