How to Win the Cup -- A Comprehensive Guide

I don't mean for this to be cocky or condescending, just thought it'd be fun to write and maybe enjoyable to read.  All of this stuff has just sort of become second-nature to me, almost instinctive.  I don't know, maybe it's useful to someone else?  And maybe it's applicable to other leagues?  Proceed with the mind dump...

Here is some of the wisdom I've honed and some of the fortune-cookie logic I've accumulated through winning the CKL Cup four different times:

-- Draft the players you want, not the players you feel like you need, and especially not the players your value board tells you to draft.

-- A "steal" is a lie.  You either drafted a player at the right spot, or you got caught with the hot potato.  The guy slid down the draft board for a reason.

-- Reach for draft picks.  Draft players you really like earlier than you feel like you should.  Do it often.  It's good for the soul.

-- Handcuffs are for suckers... most of the time.

-- Think of your players as "assets;" as "stocks."  The points they generate matter a lot, but almost as important is the public perception of the player.  As in, how much would someone give up to get him?  That's the key to everything - perceived value.  To that end, it's always worth it to go for the sexy players over the solid or reliable (read: boring) ones.

-- ATTEND THE LIVE DRAFT!

-- It's important to be cool with all of the other coaches in the league, if you can swing it.  Try to talk to them about stuff other than fantasy football, and build a friendship.  To me, the CKL is a bunch of friends, a brotherhood, a family.  That's what makes for good fantasy football.

-- Don't be afraid to "lose" trades.  Don't always be trying to pull one over on your trade partners, they'll be more likely to trust you during future trade negotiations.  It helps to target specific guys you want and then be willing to overpay to get them.

-- There's a fine line between being pleasantly persistent and being pushy.  Be careful when you toe that line.

-- Read, read, read, read, read, watch football games, read, read, listen to the radio and to podcasts, read, read, read and read some more.

-- Use lots of different, competing sources.  Never trust just one source, even if it's your favorite. Matthew Berry is fantastic, but if you only read Matthew Berry... you're fucked.

-- Ignore SportsCenter specifically and ESPN in general.  Too filtered and homogenized.  They pander to the audience too much.  You're better than that.

-- Feel free to fall in love with certain players, but be careful not to get blinded by your love.

Fuckin-a.

-- "Lies, damn lies, and statistics."  That's the adage.  Stats are lies.  Statistical analysis is believing those lies.  Anecdotal evidence is superior, because being able to make strong decisions based on tiny sample size is key to being the first through the door on a sleeper about to explode.

-- Don't throw good money after bad money.  Be willing and able to cut your losses and ignore sunk costs.

-- Gamble on youth, not proven veterans trying to return from injury.

-- Once a running back suffers a serious injury, it is time to cut bait.  Quick.  Hamstrings, ankles, and feet I'm not so worried about.  But ACLs (and also achilles), steer the fuck clear.  Let someone else fall on the grenade, 'cause it's about to blow.

-- Don't bring too much information to the draft.  One simple sheet to see who is available is enough.  If you need more than that, you failed in your preparation.

-- Ignore strength of schedule and bye weeks when you're drafting and trading.  Adjust on the fly, as needed.

-- Never, ever, ever think of the team you just drafted as a finished product.  It's got to be just the beginning of a constantly evolving work in progress.

-- Create and maintain a list of players on other teams you'd love to add to your own.  Use that list to conceptualize potential trades.  When you find one that feels right, go for it.

-- Be a college football fan.  Follow the college game as much as you can.  This is probably the #1 secret to my success.  I can't tell you how helpful it has been for me through the years, to know what kind of game incoming rookies and guys buried on the depth chart are bringing to the table once they get their opportunities in the NFL.

-- That's another thing: Opportunity trumps talent.

-- Be decisive.  Just in general.

-- Try your best to learn - and remember - other coaches' opinions on players.  If you can obtain a player another coach loves, you can use one trade to grease a second trade with a different team.  Try to build trades with throw-ins you know can be bargaining chips elsewhere.

-- Always, ALWAYS monitor the waiver wire closely.  FAAB bidding can tell you a lot about what other coaches feel like they need and where they feel weak.

-- Think about fantasy football in the shower, on the toilet, and on your way to and from work.  During downtimes, don't populate your mind with anything else.

-- Depth is worthless.  This game is all about maximizing the talent in your starting lineup.  Use your bench as a tool for building the best starting lineup, not as a place to hold and carry depth.

-- Making the playoffs is never enough.  You have to be ready to win once you get there.  So while I said "ignore strength of schedule" above, that was only half true.  A cupcake schedule from week 14 thru 16 can be a beautiful thing.

-- Overvalue quarterbacks and undervalue running backs.  Overvalue elite tight ends and stockpile receivers.

-- Be an active participant in the narrative of the league.  If you're a bigger part of the story, it helps in so many immeasurable, intangible ways.

-- Make it a point to spend a little more than you feel comfortable spending in order to beat someone else's offer for a specific player you have targeted.  Being the guy who overpays is a good place to be, as it sets you up in a position where trades go through you instead of happening around you.

-- Never feel like a player on your team cannot be pried away.  Everyone has to have a price.  Nobody is untradeable.  Once you're married, there's no more dating.  Make that mistake in your real life, not in your fake football life.

-- Speaking of wives, make sure your wife understands how important fantasy football is to you, no matter how stupid it seems to her.  Be really happy and a great husband when you win, and  be very, very, very careful not to be an asshole to her when you lose.

-- Embrace rivalries, create new rivalries, and goad your rivals into mistakes.

-- Always remember, the enemy of your enemy is your friend.  To that end, be more willing to make mutually beneficial trades with spoiler teams as opposed to your fellow playoff hopefuls.

-- Get at least one player you like from your favorite team.  It hurts doubly bad when your player sucks and your real-life team loses, but being afraid of that is a loser's way to think.

-- Don't roster RBs and WRs from the same team.

-- Don't roster RBs and QBs from the same team.

-- DO roster QBs and WRs from the same team, if it's a potent combination.  Nothing is sweeter than a 10-point touchdown pass.

-- Play in other leagues, but no more than two other leagues (three total, including the CKL), and be completely fucking sure that you DOMINATE those Mickeymouse Bullshit other leagues.  The world needs to know that we have 14 giant, swinging dicks in the CKL.

-- Age limits for your players: QB - doesn't matter, RB - 29, WR - 32, TE - 33.  Don't bend these rules unless it's for Tony Gonzalez.

-- Find a strong-legged kicker who kicks long field goals for a bad team.  You can get him really cheap, and he'll give you some boom games.  Dan Carpenter won a game for Kirk a few years ago, and I've followed this rule ever since.

-- Speaking of boom games...  Up-and-down explosive players > steady-eddie reliable players.  ride the roller coaster, don't be afraid.

-- If a player really, really pisses you off, drop his ass on Tuesday.  Have a little integrity.  See also: Paul dumping Peyton Manning at the beginning of last season, even though he had some trade value in a keeper league.  ONIONS!

-- Plus, besides being hilarious, a Tuesday drop might flush out some FAAB cash!

-- Trying to build a roster that will score 85-90 points every week isn't good enough.  You need a team that will lay a 60 point egg on occasion but will also challenge for 120 points from time to time.  120 points wins the Cup, 90 points loses it.

-- In your valuation of players, it is vitally important that you are self-aware and do not overvalue the players on your own roster.

-- If you have players you don't like on your team, don't become a salesman in trying to trade them away.  It's easy to see through that charade, and you don't want the reputation of a snake oil salesman.  That's why I say only draft players you want, because it'll be easier to make trades down the line.

-- The above being said, every trade you make should hurt you in some way.  You have to give up something good to get something good.

-- Assume a red Q is like any other scarlet letter.  Maybe the guy will play, but if you have other options, bench his ass.  He won't be at 100%, anyway.

-- Every Monday morning, scan the box scores and jot down some notes on unknown players who produced some stats.  Beat the fantasy football media to the punch in creating your early weekly FAAB watch list.

-- Become an NFL draft nerd.

-- Remember, every draft pick you make comes at the opportunity cost of drafting a different player.  Don't throw away your picks.

-- Make it a point to own the late middle rounds.  The double-digit rounds are for kickers, IDPs, and redshirts, but rounds 6 thru 9 are where you can elevate a mediocre team into a good one and a good one into a great one.


And finally...

-- Eat your fucking sandwich.