Keeper Analysis - Pink Nightmare

Arian Foster, RB, Houston Texans
A.J. Green, WR, Cincinnati Bengals
Jimmy Graham, TE, New Orleans Saints

The Pink Nightmare requires no introduction. We are the spokes of the CKL and Kendall is the hub. Everyone knows Kendall, but more importantly, Kendall knows everyone. The Pink Nighmare knows winning. They have enjoyed four years of late night warm milk from the above pictured trophy, doubling the closer contender (Mark). The shadow is LONG. 

ENOUGH: This preface only serves one purpose: to make it clear that the dude can do whatever he wants with his keepers. He has long ago proven his FF chops. Who am I to judge?

Arian Foster rolls into the 2012 as the consensus number one overall fantasy football pick in nearly every league type. What else can I add to that? The cat just oozes cool (he recently announced he went vegan). Seriously, you should be following him on Twitter. I wish I had something negative to say about him, but I don’t. So I’ll just make some shit up. Ben Tate is going to significantly eat into his touches. The hamstring issue he suffered last preseason is going to flare up again. He won’t be getting enough protein. Who am I kidding, though? Dude is a slam dunk.

Speaking of dunks, isn’t that Jimmy Graham’s touchdown celebration of choice? Yep, just Googled it.

 

Were you any good at basketball, J?

I guess wearing the jersey is better than a post-coital tramp stamp.

Graham is a true son of a bitch. He played for “The U” on their basketball team and had barely any football under his belt when selected by the Saints. Which means he still has a lot of potential to learn the game. Think about that for five seconds. Yeah, I’m depressed too. Graham will be the number one tight end in the game this year. Gronkowski will probably have an STD flare up or something.


What do you know, Kendall’s third keeper finally seems like someone not destined to be the best player at their respective position. Kendall traded Megatron (and other considerations) for A.J. Green (and other considerations) earlier this offseason. This baffled me at at first. But then I thought about Kendall’s Bengal love and his theoretical respect for the Madden Curse, and this trade became excusable. Forgive me, perhaps I’m still despondent over shipping Don Mega off for Jahvid Best. 

(Five minutes of soul-sucking depression have passed). 

Anyway, A.J. Green is a legit number one fantasy receiver. He drips with talent and has a young signal caller in Andy Dalton to aid in his development. Other than tight end Jermaine Gresham, there doesn’t seem to be a viable threat to a large number of targets in the passing game. Which means he should improve on last year’s 14th place finish among wideouts. Great.

Kendall did us all a favor when he traded out Calvin Johnson. He gave us a glimmer of hope. If the stars align, if he strolls under all the ladders he can find and my black cat walks 100 miles up I-81/I-64 just to cross his path, then maybe we’ll postpone the CKL from having its first five-time winner. I’m not holding my breath.