Keeper Analysis - Roo Tang Clan

LeSean McCoy, RB, Philadelphia Eagles
Matt Forte, RB, Chicago Bears
Matthew Stafford, QB, Detroit Lions

Poor Roo. Poor Joe. The dude has been drop kicked Chuck Norris style (wait, I thought Chuck was more of a roundhouse guy) the last couple of seasons, and it's been brutal. Not because his teams have been bad, but quite the contrary. Dude has had great, high scoring squads, but the fantasy gods have smote him for some unknown reason with the worst string of luck the decade-old CKL has ever seen. What the hell did you do, Joe? Did you rampage FF City in your previous incarnation?

LeSean McCoy is a running back we’d all love to have on our team. A consensus top three pick in 2012, Shady (a great nickname, no doubt, but I prefer to call him “The Sean”) is a talented scat back type of runner who benefits from playing on an offense with Michael Vick, DeSean (following the scheme, I guess his father was named Sean) Jackson and Jeremy Maclin. Defenses can’t key on any one element of the Eagles attack, and McCoy takes advantage. The Sean is a fantastic anchor for the Roos.

Big Joe doubles down on valuable running backs with Matt Forte, the rock carrier for his beloved Chicago Bears. Dude got paid a couple of months ago, causing his ADP to bump up a few ticks when a potential holdout became unnecessary. Forte plays better than his talent would seem to indicate. He has good open field moves and is a plus receiver coming out of the backfield, catching over 50 balls each of his first four NFL seasons. With McCoy and Forte, Joe has a potent one-two Kanga and Roo running back duo that dwarfs the other CKL squads. That’s a huge advantage heading into CKL 11.

Slinging straight spirals for the Clan is Matthew Stafford, a gifted young signal caller for the Detroit Lions that has limitless potential on a dynamic offense. His weapons are fantastic, in All-Universe Calvin Johnson, rapidly improving second year wideout Titus Young, slot machine Nate Burleson, and a great two-way tight end in Brandon Pettigrew. The running game is a bit iffy in Detroit right now, but that should only mean more production for the pretty boy from UGA. I don’t mean that as a insult: the dude is a competitor. Remember when he threw that touchdown to win the game when his non-throwing arm was out of joint or something? I still nod with manly jealously when I think of hearing him whimper on the ground after getting straight pounded. Geez, lots of homoerotic language coming out of my fingers for a second straight year. Gotta fix that quick.

It's time for the Roo Tang Clan to kick Chuck back. Joe is completely set at two of the most important positions. He will acquire good complementary pieces at WR and TE in the first few rounds of Saturday's draft. I have absolutely no doubt Joe will be the in the playoffs this year. And now that I’ve come out and said it, Joe will probably deck me when I roll up to the Rookie’s house Friday night. There’s no curse like the love of the Calcutron.