Week 4: Predictions and Promises - Part 1

Hey...look at this!

Thunder Bear (2-1) at Jesus the Moose (1-2) 
ESPN Gameline: Ben by 28.6

I don't know if its right that I should assume that Ben is going to win. This is what is fucking with the those of us  Moose Country Loyal.  It just doesn't seem right.  That being said Ben is looking good this week. Brees (QB) is playing at home against Miami.  Lynch (RB) is running against Houston.  Megatron (Decepticon) is running at home against the Bears. Gore (Old) has already posted some good numbers at the Rams. It looks like a walk.

Nathan has a team that I like but would not want to own.  First of all RG3 (QB) would scare the dog piss out of me every week.  He has been pretty good (lower 1st tier) with W1: 21.4, W2: 23.9, and W3: 14.7. He's got a lot of well advertised talent but the injury and the fact he is a Redskin makes him the equivalent of dating an Irish Ginger.  Sure you'll have fun for a while but sooner or later she's going get drunk and knife you.

Reggie Bush (RB) as a Lion and it just doesn't seem right.  I love Reggie "Smoke a da" Bush from when he almost lifted the Heels to a cup, but a Lion? It just seems unnatural.  And typically when I think of things as being unnatural, nature soon after ends it.  For Example: I liked Clear Pepsi, but nature fucking hated it and end that crazy ass shit.

Yeah Yeah Yeah.... Doug Martin (RB), Brandon Marshall (WR), V Jaxs (TE), it just isn't enough to over come Ben.

Ben by 15

Voodoo Browns (1-2) at Juris United (1-2)
ESPN Gameline: Alan by 4.1

Joe hasn't made the big trade yet and next week is the last week of my prediction. For those new readers, I predicted in the first week that Joe will trade Luck (QB), Jimmy Graham (TE), and/or Trent Richardson (RB) by week 4-5. That will happen this week after he loses to Alan.  Book it.

Joe gave up on the Giants running game when dropped De-Rel Scott (RB) for Hillman (RB) this week. He also pulled a Kirk this week in bottom barreling with Malcolm Floyd (WR).  I have had Floyd on my team 7 or 8 times over the years and he has never, not one time, paid off for me. I get what Joe is doing here and it makes sense with Fitzgerald kinda injured, but it won't happen. I wish you better luck Joe but let's face it, you have no luck.  

Alan has been a on minor pickup tear this week.

• Burleson (WR) for Johnathan Franklin (RB)
• Dropped Fred Davis (TE) for Ted Ginn (WR) 
• Akers (K) for Succop (K)
• Wake (DE) for Mathis (LB). 

Franklin and Ginn are on bye and may turn out to be flashes in the pan but I give Alan credited for making some "hold'em" pickups.

In truth though the only thing different about Alan's team in terms of personnel from last week, when he scored 49.2 total points, is that he has a new kicker and a new LB.  However the match-ups are lot better.

• Ben "fuck a helmet" Roethlisburgermistergrankister faces the Vikings.
• MJD (RB) is home against Indy.  
• Double Dwayne Bowe (WR) is home against the hapless Giants.  
• De-marry-us Thomas (WR) at home against the Eagles. 
• Eddie Royal (WR) at home with the Cowboys. 

Three of these guys should pop, and I see that as being enough to send Joe's team to the trading block and being auctioned off for magic beans.

Alan will win by a puff of smoke or 1, whichever is less.

Clitterfist Laserworms (1-2) at Barclay Street Bruisers (2-1) 
ESPN Gameline: Paul by 18

Remember when Paul and Patrick made a trade last week.  Remember when Patrick "won" out of the trade based on the numbers.  Remember when I said Paul was too smart to be dumb.  Hey Remember that $5 you owe me. Yeah...going be needing that...

Patrick...Ahmad Bradshaw (RB) is out this week and doesn't really matter anymore since Trent Richardson (RB) is playing for Indy now. You need to trade him out for some on the bench.

Let's see who you can trade him out for...

Nate Washington (WR)..snicker - TM Kendall Howell
Santonio Holmes (WR)...wow...yeah...

And you have the double dick fuck position of trying to decide so you go with the Questionable Ray Rice (RB) or the lesser Baltimore RB Bernard Pierce.  Good luck with that one.

And on this side...Paul has Peyton (QB), Boldin's (WR) 15 points, Kendrell Thompkins (WR), Julius Thomas (TE), Giovani Bernard (RB), and Darren "Piece of Shit" Sproles (RB).  It's not perfect but it is young & sexy, and this week Patrick is going to out think himself.  Paul rolls.

Paul by 10

Pink Nightmare (3-0) at Kick Azz Giants (0-3)
ESPN Gameline: Kendall by 11.2

Dad once Gronk is back you'll be a lot stronger team than your record suggests.  But until then you will be about 5-10 points less because you paid the price for healthy Gronk at the expense of a more rounded team.  But that is not why you are going to lose this week.  You're going to lose because you are playing Kendall, and Kendall technically has already secured bye in the playoffs.

Kendall by 20.