November 30, 2012
Week 13 - The Playoffs Prediction
After much strife and struggle, I see a relatively predictable path for the playoffs.
Here is how it works...
Division Champions
1. Nathan is going to win his game this week - 10-3
2. Norris beats Ben - 9-4
The Rest
3. Kendall beats Alan - 10-3
5. Paul beats Rookie and effectively eliminates me - 10-3
4. Chad wins in a squeaker - 9-4
6. Ben loses to Norris. 25 point cushion over me gets him the Oy - 9-4
1st Round
Kendall is 3rd and picks Chad as his opponent Chad and Kendall have a quiet animosity between each other's fantasy style and I think Kendall would like to prove his style of playing is better by taking Chad out.
Kendall wins that contest and moves on.
That puts Ben and Paul head to head in the nice guy finals, and I see Paul being the victor with Ben hurting for a decent flex player.
2nd Round
Nathan is going to look over the schedule and realize that Paul has the worst week 15. He'll win that game and sail on to the finals.
Kendall gets Norris. My heart wants the ratings that come from a Nathan Kendall final, but expansion team Norris will pull it out. This will teach Kendall to sit alone during the draft, and remind me to get Kendall liquored up before the draft and sit next to him.
Finals
Nathan - Norris. Thunderbear.
Nathan is back, Kendall's death grip on the cup ends, and the world is somehow better.
Book it.
Week 13 - Predictions and Promises (Part 3)
Okay, on to games that are meaningful and harder to predict.
Champeens at Daddy: Ticket to Ride
ESPN Gameline: Mark 97.6 - Chad 131.2
Everybody on the Daddys has a tasty match-up to end the CKL regular season except Colston last night. Eric Decker will continue to struggle to break 10, but Jamaal Charles, Owen Daniels and Bradshw should get theirs.
Mark, on the other side, really needs a big game out of Stafford, and a miracle shot from Forte. H Nicks and Cecil Shorts should do fine and any points from Dallas Clark is more of a cherry than a portion of the cream. Mark I want you to win because I hate Chad, but I need you to lose to get into the playoffs. Seems like I'll have to settle for Chad being nervous all week as he wins and I still miss the playoffs.
Penguins at Moose: Hard Rain
ESPN Gameline: Norris 130.5 - Ben 107.7
And for those that believe Ben "The Boss" Bledsoe is beginning to slip going into the playoffs, let me add....well yeah. James Jones is currently the flex play for the once mighty Moose and looking at the bench....that is the best fucking play Ben has. However when the rest of the team is Lynch, Megatron, V Jax, and Gonzalalistic things could be worse. You're missing a piece Ben. Best get to dropping the Benjis on a waiver wire miracle. Make it rain.
Norris is winning and everyone gets a ticket to the post season.
November 29, 2012
Week 13: Promises and Predictions (Part 2)
Alright gentlemen, time to fuck you up with some truth. Nathan and Kendall have laid out the stakes and evil duo of Ben-Kirk is here to tell you how things are going to play out.
United at Nightmare: Eat that Shit Fucker!
ESPN Gameline: Alan 108.1 - Kendall 124.9
Alan I want you to win very badly here. I love Kendall more than any man I have known, but having the Nightmare fall short of grace would add another fucking chapter to this storied season. And having the 1-11 team reach up with its dying hand and steal it away would lay a motherfucking cherry on top.But alas, the stories that make up life generally do not come from the pages of Penthouse Forum. And for you I do not see the last minute foursome with three wet slutty cheerleaders who have daddy issues and bondage tendencies. No your final curtain call this season will be swallowing the hot jizz that flows from Kendall ripe dick as he realize that he has made the playoffs again. Don't let it linger Alan, swallow it down quick and remember that Demaryius Thomas and Dwayne Bowe will still be there for you next year.
Snakes at Stick: See you next season
ESPN Gameline: Patrick 108.5 - Russ 83.7
Patrick you are going to win. Your team is better. Your match-ups are better. Russ is beating on Larry Fitz and T Rich to carry him over the line but that won't overcome Reese and Bennett weighing him down. Also his kicker sucks.
However long term I don't know who you are going to keep. Good luck with that shit.
Russ as the season closes down, let's take this moment once again to reflect with you. To reflect on another season of pointless ambition and hours of wasted effort.
Here is the historic record of failure that is your legacy.
2005 - 3-11
2006 - 5-9
2007 - 4-10
2008 - 6-8
2009 - 7-7
2010 - 4-10
2011 - 6-7
2012 - 5-8 or 6-7....does it matter?
Don't think you are getting the most improved fuck you trophy this year.
Russ you are officially the league's bent over whore just waiting patiently to be fuck. Let it not be said you are a cheap whore, because cheap whores don't garner respect when you brag about fucking them. No I think your name cares some weight in some circles among some unnamed team managers, but in the end you are a whore just the same. So ready yourself for one more meaningless encounter as someone else pounds out another W from your eternal ass of giving.And both of you please remember that this weekend I am playing for the playoffs, while you are playing with yourselves.
Editor's Note: I'm on strike.
Week 13 Predictions and Promises - Countdown to Playoffs
Oh the pressure and tension in air. Lots of new blood on the cusp of their first playoff run. It would be so fun to have the three and three mix of us blue division new comers and the orange old guard. But as Kendall demonstrated, no one is safe and Kirk is skulking around the dark, back alley like a methed-out tranny prostitute. Which song will your Under Pressure bass line lead into?
Bruisers 112, Nth 91
So, now on to the playoff predictions. Here is what I see happening:
Adios, amigos. Looking forward to a fun week of football.
Wanna be a Rock and Roll Hall of Famer or a skinny white joke of a rapper? Hey man, I appreciate the cultural significance and love, but you know in your heart it is hilarious, not good.
Kirk and I plan to wrap the regular season with our weekly predictions as well as a prediction for the playoffs. Here goes.
Roo Tang Clan (5-7) vs. Achilles Heels (4-8): A Quilt of You Bitches
ESPN Line: Heels - 18.8
Well, all those fireworks about the Jenna apparently started a raging fire that quickly burned Kirk's points edge up. What happened, man? And can we at least agree that the twist fired up league and made things interesting in an otherwise cut and dried year for playoff seperation. You know it has been fun. Admit it.
Kirk and Joe both roll in with the Stone of Shame and hoping by some miracle the CKL gods give them the Stone of Triumph.
These guys have good teams with bad fortunes. It's been said a million times. So who gets to be less unfortunate. My head says Kirk, but my heart says Joe. Kirk has the recognizable players, while Joe has the effort and upside. Kirk has greasy hair and Joe has Mr. Fantastic hair. Kirk sells cars and Joe sells shoes. Kirk likes the letter X in his kids names and Joe starts all his with the letter L. Kirk gets drunk and pukes in my car while Joe gets drunk and pukes in my toilet after singing to it. It is just so hard to choose.
Gotta go with Joe here, riding a wave of young talent. Kirk runs into frustration as the Packers / Vikes rivalry turns into a low scoring affair.
Roo 103, Heels 90
Thunder BEAR/BUCCANEER (9-3) vs. Kick Azz Giants (5-7)
ESPN Line: TBear - 13.1
No team looks stronger and more likely to garner the #1 seed than Nathan's Thunder. He loves Dougie Fresh so much that he renamed his team the TBucs. And for good reason. A rookie RB as the #2 fantasy back? Unbelievable! And a rookie QB as #1 scorer overall? Un-fucking-believable! You look like a drafting genius Nate.
On the other hand, Doc's legendary magic seems to have finally run out this year. Lots of injuries and not a lot of hope. The KAG is storing up keeper nuts for the offseason in hopes of a revival in 2013. It's not a gimme for Nathan, but the odds are stacked pretty heavily against Derrick.
TBEAR/BUC 121, KAG 96
Barclay Street Bruisers (9-3) vs. Nth Degree (3-9)
ESPN Line: Nth - 3
I have been watching the Nth Degree devolve this year like a hunk of prime rib rotting in the sun. At this point I feel like someone has tied me with a full port-a-potty on one side and the decayed beef on the other. It stinks and I can hardly breath, but thank god I am not locked inside that port-a-potty with Alan. And hey, maybe in some crazy land rotten meat is a delicacy. I mean, just because I don't like Roddy White of Run DMC doesn't mean they won't be tasty in the short term.
So, Paul should win this affair despite the shocking ESPN line. I like Luck, Rice and Ridley (and curse you for shelling out more bones than me for Moreno, who will sit on the bench). It might be close, as I am still a little iffy on rolling with two Green Bay receivers, but the Rookie is in a death spiral that seems impossible to pull out of.
No, not that. This:
Bruisers 112, Nth 91
So, now on to the playoff predictions. Here is what I see happening:
- Obviously Nathan and Paul are winners, so they are in. Both 10-3
- I remain optimistic and confident, so I'm not afraid to pick myself over Norris. Ben 10-3, Norris 8-5
- Pink beats Juris. Kendall at 10-3, but Paul passes him on points.
- Then it gets interesting: Mark beats Chad to send OOD to 8-5 as well.
- Kirk doesn't close the gap and the six above make it in.
- Nathan is #1 seed
- Ben #2
- Paul #3
- Kendall #4
- Norris #5
- Chad #6
- Paul calls out Chad in round one, but loses
- Norris takes down Kendall
- Nathan chooses Chad and wins
- Norris beats me in the rematch (I am not that confident)
- BEAR over Penguin in the finals
Adios, amigos. Looking forward to a fun week of football.
November 28, 2012
Wednesday FAABnalysis -- 11/28/12
Big huge haymaker bids today. I can't wait to get to it. But first, your soundtrack for today's auction action...
That's right. ABBA. Fuck yeah.
Anyway, like I was saying... If you enjoy bid porn, this week is your stroke show.
Pop open the cap on your rocketsauce and get to knuckle-dusting...
Knowshon Moreno -- $41 to Paul
dropped: Delon Carter / other bids: $31 to Ben, $28 to Norris, $25 to Chad, $20 to Rookie, $15 to Kirk, $13 to Kendall, $7 to Mark, $4 to Nathan, $0 to Joe
Well, I guess this is why you sit on your money until the end of the season. Moreno went from 1st round draft pick to the doghouse, to IR, back to the doghouse, back to IR, to inactive on game day, to THE GUY in the Denver running attack. Ronnie Hillman, you blew it thanks to pass pro worse than Know's. Jesus. Moreno faces a decent schedule down the stretch and into the CKL playoffs, but I don't see him starting over Stevan Ridley in the BSB backfield. So this was a move for some insurance at RB for Paul, along with an aggressive arm-swat type of cockblock to the others who might have wanted Moreno. Best offense = good defense? Helvin's cauliflower ear says hello.
Rashad Jennings -- $24 to Chad
dropped: Madieu Williams or DeMarcus Ware (tuesday dropped!) / other bids: $20 to Rookie, $20 to Russ, $0 to Joe, $0 to Nathan
I really don't want to be a dick to you guys throwing double Hamiltons at Jennings, but... have you seen the fucking guy play since MJD went down? If not, let me clue you in: He fucking sucks. How about 2.8 yards per carry? Does that sound good to you? And that was across a fairly large sample size, 93 rushes. Look, I get it -- nothing else to bid on. But I think I would rather just lay down to rest in the Golden Sarcophagus than throw my money at this bum. For Chad, Jennings won't start over Jammy-C or Ahmad Bradshaw, but he might give Michael Turner a run for his money in the shitty #3 role. Speaking of #3... If piss is #1 and poop is #2, what's #3?
DeAngelo Williams -- $20 to Rookie
dropped: Kurt Coleman / other bids: $10 to Kendall, $5 to Kirk, $0 to Joe
I wonder if DeAngelo is related to the world-famous Lemonjello? Hey, true story: My cousin is a 3rd-grade teacher up in DC, and she had a kid in her class named LaDynasty. That's not Lady Nasty, but it sure looks like it. Hey, I'm not a racist, I just think some of these names are getting a little bit out of hand. We need to get back to good old fashioned names like Billy Bob and Cooter. Wait, what were we talking about again?
David Wilson -- $14 to Derrick
dropped: Cedric Benson / other bids: $12 to Norris, $0 to Nathan
Let me paint a picture for you. Ahmad Bradshaw goes down with another sprained labia. Who does Chad use to fill his now-vacated flex spot? He could have had the new Bradshaw handcuff, the potentially-explosive Giants' 1st round draft pick and former Hokie David Wilson, or he could spend $10 more for the right to use Rashad Jennings. Derrick is a Giants fan and he's smart enough to know that David Wilson could be keeper-worthy if the right stars align, so I give him a heap of credit for this bold claim. Chad, I think you missed the boat, my man. Maybe the stress of trying to make your first-ever playoff appearance is getting to you?
Dumpster Diving...
Dennis Pitta, $3 to Kendall -- I tried a million times to pry him away from T-BEAR at the beginning of the season. I bludgeoned Nate with trade offers, but he wouldn't budge. Well, this is my big, giant FU to Nathan. Win in the end, motherfuck.
Brandon Jacobs, $0 to Kirk -- He lost Kendall Hunter, but was able to sneak in and land Jacobs. Smooth operation there, Kork.
Dwayne Harris, $0 to Joe -- Like him. But why not Cole Beasley or Riley Cooper?
LeGarrette Blount, $0 to Nathan -- Smart. Gotta cuff up the Muscle Hamster for this playoff run.
The rest? Suck me.
Remaining Budgets:
That's right. ABBA. Fuck yeah.
Anyway, like I was saying... If you enjoy bid porn, this week is your stroke show.
- 15 total claims
- 10 cash claims
- $108 spent
- $10.80 per cash claim
Pop open the cap on your rocketsauce and get to knuckle-dusting...
Knowshon Moreno -- $41 to Paul
dropped: Delon Carter / other bids: $31 to Ben, $28 to Norris, $25 to Chad, $20 to Rookie, $15 to Kirk, $13 to Kendall, $7 to Mark, $4 to Nathan, $0 to Joe
Well, I guess this is why you sit on your money until the end of the season. Moreno went from 1st round draft pick to the doghouse, to IR, back to the doghouse, back to IR, to inactive on game day, to THE GUY in the Denver running attack. Ronnie Hillman, you blew it thanks to pass pro worse than Know's. Jesus. Moreno faces a decent schedule down the stretch and into the CKL playoffs, but I don't see him starting over Stevan Ridley in the BSB backfield. So this was a move for some insurance at RB for Paul, along with an aggressive arm-swat type of cockblock to the others who might have wanted Moreno. Best offense = good defense? Helvin's cauliflower ear says hello.
Rashad Jennings -- $24 to Chad
dropped: Madieu Williams or DeMarcus Ware (tuesday dropped!) / other bids: $20 to Rookie, $20 to Russ, $0 to Joe, $0 to Nathan
I really don't want to be a dick to you guys throwing double Hamiltons at Jennings, but... have you seen the fucking guy play since MJD went down? If not, let me clue you in: He fucking sucks. How about 2.8 yards per carry? Does that sound good to you? And that was across a fairly large sample size, 93 rushes. Look, I get it -- nothing else to bid on. But I think I would rather just lay down to rest in the Golden Sarcophagus than throw my money at this bum. For Chad, Jennings won't start over Jammy-C or Ahmad Bradshaw, but he might give Michael Turner a run for his money in the shitty #3 role. Speaking of #3... If piss is #1 and poop is #2, what's #3?
DeAngelo Williams -- $20 to Rookie
dropped: Kurt Coleman / other bids: $10 to Kendall, $5 to Kirk, $0 to Joe
I wonder if DeAngelo is related to the world-famous Lemonjello? Hey, true story: My cousin is a 3rd-grade teacher up in DC, and she had a kid in her class named LaDynasty. That's not Lady Nasty, but it sure looks like it. Hey, I'm not a racist, I just think some of these names are getting a little bit out of hand. We need to get back to good old fashioned names like Billy Bob and Cooter. Wait, what were we talking about again?
David Wilson -- $14 to Derrick
dropped: Cedric Benson / other bids: $12 to Norris, $0 to Nathan
Let me paint a picture for you. Ahmad Bradshaw goes down with another sprained labia. Who does Chad use to fill his now-vacated flex spot? He could have had the new Bradshaw handcuff, the potentially-explosive Giants' 1st round draft pick and former Hokie David Wilson, or he could spend $10 more for the right to use Rashad Jennings. Derrick is a Giants fan and he's smart enough to know that David Wilson could be keeper-worthy if the right stars align, so I give him a heap of credit for this bold claim. Chad, I think you missed the boat, my man. Maybe the stress of trying to make your first-ever playoff appearance is getting to you?
Dumpster Diving...
Dennis Pitta, $3 to Kendall -- I tried a million times to pry him away from T-BEAR at the beginning of the season. I bludgeoned Nate with trade offers, but he wouldn't budge. Well, this is my big, giant FU to Nathan. Win in the end, motherfuck.
Brandon Jacobs, $0 to Kirk -- He lost Kendall Hunter, but was able to sneak in and land Jacobs. Smooth operation there, Kork.
Dwayne Harris, $0 to Joe -- Like him. But why not Cole Beasley or Riley Cooper?
LeGarrette Blount, $0 to Nathan -- Smart. Gotta cuff up the Muscle Hamster for this playoff run.
The rest? Suck me.
Remaining Budgets:
Achilles Heels -- $33
Kick Azz Giants -- $32
Jesus the Moose -- $31
The Magic Stick -- $30
Blackpool Penguins -- $28
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $26
The Champeens -- $12
Pink Nightmare -- $10
Juris United -- $8
Double-O Daddy -- $6
THUNDER BEAR -- $4
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $2
Roo Tang Clan -- $0
Nth Degree -- $0
Biggest Claims to Date:
Rashad Jennings, $47 to Nathan on 10/24
Knowshon Moreno, $41 to Paul on 11/28
Kick Azz Giants -- $32
Jesus the Moose -- $31
The Magic Stick -- $30
Blackpool Penguins -- $28
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $26
The Champeens -- $12
Pink Nightmare -- $10
Juris United -- $8
Double-O Daddy -- $6
THUNDER BEAR -- $4
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $2
Roo Tang Clan -- $0
Nth Degree -- $0
Biggest Claims to Date:
Rashad Jennings, $47 to Nathan on 10/24
Knowshon Moreno, $41 to Paul on 11/28
Alex Green, $32 to Mark on 10/10
Kevin Ogletree, $26 to Kendall on 9/12
T.Y. Hilton, $26 to Chad on 11/7
Jalen Parmele, $24 to Alan on 11/21
Julian Edelman, $24 to Patrick on 11/21
Rashad Jennings, $24 to Chad on 11/28
Kevin Ogletree, $26 to Kendall on 9/12
T.Y. Hilton, $26 to Chad on 11/7
Jalen Parmele, $24 to Alan on 11/21
Julian Edelman, $24 to Patrick on 11/21
Rashad Jennings, $24 to Chad on 11/28
Greg Olsen, $21 to Kendall on 9/26
Chaz Schilens, $21 to Kirk on 10/3
Danario Alexander, $21 to Mark on 11/14
Chaz Schilens, $21 to Kirk on 10/3
Danario Alexander, $21 to Mark on 11/14
DeAngelo Williams, $20 to Rookie on 11/28
Andre Brown, $19 to Russ on 9/19
LaRod Stephens-Howling, $17 to Ben on 10/24
Daniel Thomas, $16 to Rookie on 9/26
Robert Meachem, $15 to Paul on 10/10
Chris Ivory, $15 to Alan on 11/7
Marcel Reece, $15 to Kendall on 11/7
Domenik Hixon, $14 to Nathan on 10/3
Andre Brown, $19 to Russ on 9/19
LaRod Stephens-Howling, $17 to Ben on 10/24
Daniel Thomas, $16 to Rookie on 9/26
Robert Meachem, $15 to Paul on 10/10
Chris Ivory, $15 to Alan on 11/7
Marcel Reece, $15 to Kendall on 11/7
Domenik Hixon, $14 to Nathan on 10/3
David Wilson, $14 to Derrick on 11/28
Jeremy Kerley, $13 to Derrick on 9/12
Daryl Richardson, $13 to Derrick on 9/19
Tashard Choice, $13 to Patrick on 9/26
Ramses Barden, $12 to Russ on 9/26
Brandon Bolden, $12 to Paul on 10/3
Montario Hardesty, $12 to Russ on 10/17
Ryan Broyles, $12 to Rookie on 10/24
DeAngelo Williams, $12 to Joe on 11/2
Chad Henne, $12 to Rookie on 11/21
Dexter McCluster, $11 to Nathan on 9/12
Brian Hartline, $11 to Rookie on 9/19
Sidney Rice, $11 to Joe on 9/21 (Friday FAAB Rebound!)
LaRod Stephens-Howling, $11 to Rookie on 10/10
Tim Jennings, $11 to Ben on 10/31
Emmanuel Sanders, $11 to Joe on 11/7
Danny Woodhead, $10 to Patrick on 10/10
That's it for this week. But as always, remember...
Jeremy Kerley, $13 to Derrick on 9/12
Daryl Richardson, $13 to Derrick on 9/19
Tashard Choice, $13 to Patrick on 9/26
Ramses Barden, $12 to Russ on 9/26
Brandon Bolden, $12 to Paul on 10/3
Montario Hardesty, $12 to Russ on 10/17
Ryan Broyles, $12 to Rookie on 10/24
DeAngelo Williams, $12 to Joe on 11/2
Chad Henne, $12 to Rookie on 11/21
Dexter McCluster, $11 to Nathan on 9/12
Brian Hartline, $11 to Rookie on 9/19
Sidney Rice, $11 to Joe on 9/21 (Friday FAAB Rebound!)
LaRod Stephens-Howling, $11 to Rookie on 10/10
Tim Jennings, $11 to Ben on 10/31
Emmanuel Sanders, $11 to Joe on 11/7
Danny Woodhead, $10 to Patrick on 10/10
That's it for this week. But as always, remember...
GOTTA SPEND TO WIN!
Week 12 Numbers
All Play
Notes:
- Seven teams with a mathematical shot at taking the All Play trophy. Realistically, I think its down to BEAR, Pink, Double-O and BSBs.
- Norris grabs Mr. Explosive from BEN with his CKL season high 148.6 point performance.
- Chad retains the highest low of any team this season with 81.6. Losing that award could just doom him to missing the playoffs.
- Everyone has scored over 100 this season. The lowest high score belongs to Mark with 106.3. Alan and Rookie are just in front of him, though.
Luck Index
Notes:
- I don't see Kirk "losing" the bad luck award this year. Even worse, his grasp on the Jenna has slipped.
- Joe being near the bottom again has inspired me to conduct an offseason historical review of luck. I think I have the data I need. Should be interesting to put up a lifetime luck index table on the blog during our downtime.
- Russ currently has a lead on luckiest bad team. Patrick might challenge him, though.
The Hotness
Notes:
- Rookie. Barf.
- SLOW DOWN KENDALL.
- Mark ain't quitting.
Jenna Von Oÿ
Notes:
- Kirk has led this thing all year and now he is 35.1 points back. His cheering is going to be so manic this weekend.
- Really rooting for Alan to score at least 65.2 points this week.
- Love you Jenna.
November 27, 2012
Path to the Playoffs
| Jenna, you wicked temptress. You are a damn slut. Vixen whore. |
Thanks to the Jenna von Oÿ (6th seed in the playoffs goes to the highest-scoring team not among the top 5 seeds), a very cut and dried set of CKL playoff berths are instead quite murky. We essentially have seven teams vying for six playoff spots, and one of the teams is going to lose this game of musical chairs.
Ahhhh, musical chairs. Reminds me of this video...
Anyway, the six teams with winning records all have great shots at the playoffs... but thanks to the Jenna and Kirk's Achilles Heels, no one is completely safe. Let's take a closer look at each of these seven teams' path to the playoffs, in descending order of postseason likelihood.
THUNDER BEAR -- 9-3 / 1247.6 points scored
Easy enough for the BEAR: win and you're in. And facing the 5-7 (1057.2 points scored) Kick Azz Giants, that win doesn't figure to be too terribly difficult to obtain. If the BEAR loses to the KAG, Nathan can still rest easy on a nice, fluffy 25+ points lead for any/all tiebreakers. His 66.2-point lead over the Achilles Heels is ironclad protection against falling prey to the Jenna. He might lose out on the ORANGE Division Pennant and a first round bye, but I think his playoff berth is pretty much guaranteed. Pulling for: Juris United, Jesus the Moose, Nth Degree, and The Champeens.
Pink Nightmare -- 9-3 / 1206.7 points scored
Another "win and you're in" scenario faces the Nightmare, and Kendall's game comes against the 1-11 (934.8 points scored) Juris United. So everything looks secure... until you figure in the sprawling history of insane upsets in this Polished Turd rivalry game. A loss to Juris coupled with wins by both the Blackpool Penguins and Double-O Daddy plunges the Pink Nightmare into Jenna territory, where his 25.3-point lead over the Heels feels shaky (especially considering the fact that if the Nightmare loses to Juris United, they probably didn't score many points.) Pulling for: Kick Azz Giants, Jesus the Moose, Nth Degree, and The Champeens.
Jesus the Moose -- 9-3 / 1206.4 points scored
A week 13 win for Jesus the Moose locks up a playoff spot and a first round bye as the BLUE Division champion. But here's the rub: the Moose is playing against the red-hot and super-tough Blackpool Penguins. Losing that game hands the division over to the Penguins (or maybe Double-O Daddy), and puts the Moose into position to be victimized by the Jenna. 25 points separate Moose from a fate worse than death -- winning nine games and missing the playoffs. BEAR, Nightmare, Bruisers, and O-Dad are all big Moose fans this weekend, as a win over the Penguins assures playoff berths for all four of those teams, as well. Pulling for: Kick Azz Giants, Juris United, Nth Degree, and The Champeens.
Barclay Street Bruisers -- 9-3 / 1197.2 points scored
The Bruisers are the fourth 9-3 team, and thus the last "win and you're in" playoff hopeful. They face the Nth Degree (3-9 / 996.7 points scored) in week 13, and that looks like an easy win, given Nth's late season collapse and emergence as one of the worst teams in the league. But if the fates turn cruel and the Bruisers end up as Luisers, there's still the safety net of both the Blackpool Penguins and/or Double-O Daddy losing. If the Bruisers lose and both of those teams win, Paul will be stacking his wobbly 15.8-point advantage against whatever the Achilles Heels can score in week 13, or trying to outpace the Nightmare or Moose (if either/both lose) in order to avoid being von Oÿed by the Heels. Pulling for: Kick Azz Giants, Juris United, Jesus the Moose, and The Champeens.
Blackpool Penguins -- 8-4 / 1222 points scored
I lied. There's one last "win and you're in" team, and it's the Blackpool Penguins. You see, a win over the Moose in week 13 means the Penguins end up tied with the Moose, with more points scored. Therefore, there would be no way the Penguins could lose their spot to the Jenna. However, a loss to the Moose puts the Moose, BEAR, Nightmare, and Bruisers into the playoffs, and forces Norris to fight against Kirk for that 6th seed, or maybe Chad for the 5th seed (if the O-Dad also loses). The Penguins hold a healthy 40.6-point lead over the Heels, so there's not a whole lot to worry about for Norris. Pulling for: Kick Azz Giants, Juris United, Nth Degree, and The Champeens.
Double-O Daddy -- 8-4 / 1216.5 points scored
Here's where things start to get really scary. O-Dad is playing his week 13 game against The Champeens, and you know Mark will be fired up to try to win this game after last season's harsh words were exchanged between these two coaches. The Peens are 4-8 on the season, with 991.7 points scored. Not a great team, but still a potentially dangerous opponent. An O-Dad loss puts the Moose, BEAR, Nightmare, and Bruisers into the playoffs, and forces Chad to fight against Kirk for that 6th seed, or maybe Norris for the 5th seed (if the Penguins also lose). O-Daddy currently holds a 35.1-point lead over the Heels, so it's a nice pillow of points to rest upon. Pulling for: Kick Azz Giants, Juris United, and Nth Degree.
It seems likely to me that these six teams with winning records will ultimately make it to the playoffs. However, if things go badly for any of the six, here is the challenger:
Achilles Heels -- 4-8 / 1181.4 points scored
The path to the playoffs for the Heels is pretty simple: score, score, score, score, and score some more in week 13. Hope that both the Penguins and Daddy win, and the Nightmare and Bruisers lose, so you can take a crack at the three lowest point totals among the six teams with winning records -- Pink Nightmare's 1206.7, Jesus the Moose's 1206.4, and Barclay Street Bruisers' 1197.2. It's a longshot for the Heels, but the possibility exists for a team with a losing record to make it to the Big Dance.
Best of luck to all seven of these teams on the path the playoffs!
Week 11 Numbers
All Play
Notes:
- Same six teams tightly packed at the top.
- Blue jumps from a 60 game advantage to 81! Glad these divisions mean nothing.
- All of a sudden Joe is Mr. Consistency with a league low 14.44 standard deviation. Ben is comfortable being explosive with a 23.66.
- Five teams are averaging in triple digits. That seems impressive to me, but I haven't taken the time to compare it to anything.
Luck Index
Notes:
- Joe and Kirk won, which brings them back to the pack a bit. In fact, Alan now has worse luck than Joe.
- Still plenty of time for anyone to win the luck contest this year. Ben is only up 0.6.
- Nine lucky teams compared to five unlucky teams. So weird.
The Hotness
Notes:
- I think this is the most stratified its been all year. The cream rising, the chaff falling.
- The top seven are all playoff contenders. It doesn't appear anyone is going to back in.
- What's colder than cold? Rookie and Alan.
Jenna Von Oÿ
Notes:
- Norris made a big move to get within shouting distance of Kirk.
- Joe is running out of time.
- Everyone should manage 1,000 total points in the regular season; but will they?
November 25, 2012
Week 12 Predictions & Promises (Part 2)
This may be a little rushed but it has taken me 4 days to work up the nerve to look the league with Norris and Kendall scoring so many points and Chad and I playing this week. I am ill with nerves as I write this, and I had to sub in Crabtree over Amendola.
Nightmare at Giants:
ESPN Gameline: Kendall 131.9 - Doc 112.5
Doc, Kendall is going to win. He already has 110.5 points and AJ Green still needs to play. Kendall is going to the playoffs and is my dark horse right now for the cup if Kendall could ever be considered a dark horse.
Penguins at Nth - Fuck the Oy
ESPN Gameline: Norris:109.2 - Rookie 115
Rookie I don't know if I need you to beat Norris or not, but I do know that I need Norris to stop scoring. Norris if you do score 130 like you are predicting, will you stop whining on the message board? Because it would almost be worth it for me to not go to the playoffs. How about this Norris. If you want to go to the playoffs...win more games. That way you don't have to deal with the Oy in the first place.
Norris is way out in front so I have him penciled in for a win. That and the Rookie is a disappointment to me, the league, and his brother, but still has a attractive doctor wife who seems to genuinely have affection for him, so point to Rookie.
Champeens at Stick: Oh how I miss the North
ESPN Gameline: ..........didn't bother to look.
Are they still playing? I mean who cares really. Good luck next season Mark. Fuck you Russ.
Bear at Moose: Playoff Preview
ESPN Gameline: Nathan 120.1 to Moose 128.7
This is everyone's favorite game right now because the Nathan destiny team of hope has a real chance of falling into Oy territory to finish the season and a tough march to the Cup. Both teams are in playoffs but I need Nathan to win out for my own purposes. He has the start and I think Ben's match-ups will lay the Moose down gently.
Go Bear.
Nightmare at Giants:
ESPN Gameline: Kendall 131.9 - Doc 112.5
Doc, Kendall is going to win. He already has 110.5 points and AJ Green still needs to play. Kendall is going to the playoffs and is my dark horse right now for the cup if Kendall could ever be considered a dark horse.
Penguins at Nth - Fuck the Oy
ESPN Gameline: Norris:109.2 - Rookie 115
Rookie I don't know if I need you to beat Norris or not, but I do know that I need Norris to stop scoring. Norris if you do score 130 like you are predicting, will you stop whining on the message board? Because it would almost be worth it for me to not go to the playoffs. How about this Norris. If you want to go to the playoffs...win more games. That way you don't have to deal with the Oy in the first place.
Norris is way out in front so I have him penciled in for a win. That and the Rookie is a disappointment to me, the league, and his brother, but still has a attractive doctor wife who seems to genuinely have affection for him, so point to Rookie.
Champeens at Stick: Oh how I miss the North
ESPN Gameline: ..........didn't bother to look.
Are they still playing? I mean who cares really. Good luck next season Mark. Fuck you Russ.
Bear at Moose: Playoff Preview
ESPN Gameline: Nathan 120.1 to Moose 128.7
This is everyone's favorite game right now because the Nathan destiny team of hope has a real chance of falling into Oy territory to finish the season and a tough march to the Cup. Both teams are in playoffs but I need Nathan to win out for my own purposes. He has the start and I think Ben's match-ups will lay the Moose down gently.
Go Bear.
November 23, 2012
Week 12 Predictions and Promises
Welcome back all to the one-day-late predictions show. Kirk and I really need to get our sh!t together and back on track for true predictions. Maybe by playoff time.
Anyway, hope everyone had their fill of bird, sides and sweets with a spatting of football all day long. We are in the home stretch and, as usual, things are tight in the playoff race. Lot of opportunity for spoilers and clinchers this week.
Achilles Heels (4-7) vs. Double O-Daddy (7-4): Bus 15 Battle
ESPN Line: Heels - 11
Does it seem strange that the only bus related trophy in this league involves two non-bus drivers? 8 out of 14 of us drove for the prestigious University Transit Service and only Chad and Kirk have a bus-based trophy!?! That is a travesty. Commissioner, I demand a trophy awarded to the ex-driver with the highest points total or best record. We can call it "Gillig Style" or "Flxible Shuffle" or "Unit 5-0's Fat Ass" or something...? We gotta get this covered.
But on to Kirk v Chad in the Bus 15 Battle. The Heels continue their insane losing struggles, despite an amazing array of weapons. DOOD seems to mprove every week and hopes to wreak havok in the playoffs. Actually, both are on the verge of playoffs and face a strange twist in this matchup. Kirk has the Jenna Van Oy points if Chad makes the playoffs by record, so if Kirk wins, he may actually knock himself out of the running. Weird, but cool, my friends.
My call is a close game. If it weren't the day after the game, I would have said that Hernandez is a great play and the difference maker, but he kinda flopped. Then there is AP agains the Bears - tough. I want to pull for you Kirk, but the Daddy is going to punish you. And not in the "I have been a bad boy" kinky way that i know you like. This will be more like the "Oops, I embarassed my big brother in front of his friends" punishment. You think you might get in a few good shots and compete, but in the end there is no contest and you leave demoralized.
Daddy 109, Heel 105
Roo Tang Clan (4-7) vs. Juris United (1-10): Blue Balls
ESPN Line: Roo - 4.9
I am excited that Alan is challenging my worst ever record. The 1-win history is lonely, Alan. Come join me. And, if I'm not mistaken, one more loss results in the Poop Pretzel. Mmmmmm!
Fortunately Juris is up against Mr. Lucky. Joe has been selling his wares hard for many a week. Has everyone felt like they just got off the plane in India, too? The guy drives a hard bargain and has shaped a competitive team with some very worthy keepers. You never know who will be on Joe's team from week to week, but you can always be assured that some form of bad luck will hamper the likelihood of a W. Perhaps this week it will be Jalen Parmelee expoding for 25? Or Harvin Missing the game? Maybe Mike Nugent will kick 6 field goals? Or, oh wait, there it is - Vereen on the bench with 19.3.
So, Alan is hoping and praying to double his win total, but I just don't see a ton of sure things on the roster. The names and matchups don't inspire confidence (nor do the injuries on the bench). It has been a tough season for Juris. Unless Percy Harvin does sit this week out, you should open wide for that oncoming pretzel.
Roo 97, Juris 82
Glitterfist Lasersnakes (5-6) vs. Barclay Street Bruisers (8-3)
ESPN Line: Barclay - 3
Hard to argue againt Paul's team this week, especially since Miles Austin was injured before he caught a ball and some Thursday night points are on the bench for GFLS.
But there is some intrigue. You have Paul hedging his bets with two Green Bay WRs. There is the natural comparison of Luck to Manning. And finally, Fred Jackson's back in for what I am sure will be less than a game before he is injured again.
I'd put money on Manning and Jackson carrying close to half of Patrick's points this week. Ballard and Jackson have some real potential though. If the two of them show up to the tune of 15+ each, I could see a close one. But what the Snakes really need is a miracle (and someone to turn back time so he could play Edelman instead of Austin).
Paul continues to look strong and poised for the playoffs. A win this week puts him in great position. I see that happening in a big way.
Barclay 112, Snakes 83
Anyway, hope everyone had their fill of bird, sides and sweets with a spatting of football all day long. We are in the home stretch and, as usual, things are tight in the playoff race. Lot of opportunity for spoilers and clinchers this week.
Achilles Heels (4-7) vs. Double O-Daddy (7-4): Bus 15 Battle
ESPN Line: Heels - 11
Does it seem strange that the only bus related trophy in this league involves two non-bus drivers? 8 out of 14 of us drove for the prestigious University Transit Service and only Chad and Kirk have a bus-based trophy!?! That is a travesty. Commissioner, I demand a trophy awarded to the ex-driver with the highest points total or best record. We can call it "Gillig Style" or "Flxible Shuffle" or "Unit 5-0's Fat Ass" or something...? We gotta get this covered.
But on to Kirk v Chad in the Bus 15 Battle. The Heels continue their insane losing struggles, despite an amazing array of weapons. DOOD seems to mprove every week and hopes to wreak havok in the playoffs. Actually, both are on the verge of playoffs and face a strange twist in this matchup. Kirk has the Jenna Van Oy points if Chad makes the playoffs by record, so if Kirk wins, he may actually knock himself out of the running. Weird, but cool, my friends.
My call is a close game. If it weren't the day after the game, I would have said that Hernandez is a great play and the difference maker, but he kinda flopped. Then there is AP agains the Bears - tough. I want to pull for you Kirk, but the Daddy is going to punish you. And not in the "I have been a bad boy" kinky way that i know you like. This will be more like the "Oops, I embarassed my big brother in front of his friends" punishment. You think you might get in a few good shots and compete, but in the end there is no contest and you leave demoralized.
Daddy 109, Heel 105
Roo Tang Clan (4-7) vs. Juris United (1-10): Blue Balls
ESPN Line: Roo - 4.9
I am excited that Alan is challenging my worst ever record. The 1-win history is lonely, Alan. Come join me. And, if I'm not mistaken, one more loss results in the Poop Pretzel. Mmmmmm!
Fortunately Juris is up against Mr. Lucky. Joe has been selling his wares hard for many a week. Has everyone felt like they just got off the plane in India, too? The guy drives a hard bargain and has shaped a competitive team with some very worthy keepers. You never know who will be on Joe's team from week to week, but you can always be assured that some form of bad luck will hamper the likelihood of a W. Perhaps this week it will be Jalen Parmelee expoding for 25? Or Harvin Missing the game? Maybe Mike Nugent will kick 6 field goals? Or, oh wait, there it is - Vereen on the bench with 19.3.
So, Alan is hoping and praying to double his win total, but I just don't see a ton of sure things on the roster. The names and matchups don't inspire confidence (nor do the injuries on the bench). It has been a tough season for Juris. Unless Percy Harvin does sit this week out, you should open wide for that oncoming pretzel.
Roo 97, Juris 82
Glitterfist Lasersnakes (5-6) vs. Barclay Street Bruisers (8-3)
ESPN Line: Barclay - 3
Hard to argue againt Paul's team this week, especially since Miles Austin was injured before he caught a ball and some Thursday night points are on the bench for GFLS.
But there is some intrigue. You have Paul hedging his bets with two Green Bay WRs. There is the natural comparison of Luck to Manning. And finally, Fred Jackson's back in for what I am sure will be less than a game before he is injured again.
I'd put money on Manning and Jackson carrying close to half of Patrick's points this week. Ballard and Jackson have some real potential though. If the two of them show up to the tune of 15+ each, I could see a close one. But what the Snakes really need is a miracle (and someone to turn back time so he could play Edelman instead of Austin).
Paul continues to look strong and poised for the playoffs. A win this week puts him in great position. I see that happening in a big way.
Barclay 112, Snakes 83
November 21, 2012
Wednesday FAABnalysis -- 11/21/12
We have a lot of stuff going on right now. The trade deadline just passed. We're balls-deep in IDP rules changes. The Jenna von Öy is under attack. Thanksgiving looms. And yet, we still found time to squeeze in some auctions today.
The soundtrack for this week:
The stats:
Before we get into the FAABnalysis, a quick note on Byron Leftwich. My man shocked the universe when he ran in a touchdown to open the scoring on Sunday night. Okay, I know Leftwich’s lumbering windup and windmill delivery is legendarily slow, but is it my imagination or does his ball just hang in the air forever as well? “And Leftwich goes back to pass, he sets his feet and winds up, this Byron Leftwich pass attempt brought to you by Steel City Motors where you always get the Steel City Motors promise of quality and excellence. Annnnnnnd Leftwich releases. The pass is at the 30... it's at the 40... it's at the 50... lots of hand checking going on... and the pass is batted down at the 40 yard line. The Steelers are really eating some clock here, that pass attempt took 36 seconds…”
Anyway, I'm glad the dude's ribs got popped. Let's hope to never have to see that choad throw another pass. On to today's claims...
Jalen Parmele -- $24 to Alan
dropped: Vincent Brown / other bids: $23 to Paul, $21 to Derrick, $18 to Rookie, $17 to Ben, $10 to Norris, $8 to Russ, $4 to Nathan, $0 to Joe
Did I miss something? Did Maurice Jones-Drew die? Is Bo Jackson coming out of retirement and working under the pseudonym "Jalen Parmele?" Is Jalen Parmele an anagram for something wonderful and fabulous? Planer Jam Lee? Renal Jampeel? A Rape Jell Men? Penal Jar El Me? What the Fuck? Guys, just let this be a lesson to you: Spend your FAAB money early in the season, else you end up throwing around wads of cash for a useless journeyman running back playing for a crap team, with only one more week of extended work before the injured starter returns to duty. Jar Palm Eel En?
Julian Edelman -- $24 to Patrick
dropped: Stephen Hill / other bids: $23 to Paul, $13 to Kendall, $6 to Ben, $0 to Joe, $0 to Nathan
This was the correct big-money claim of the week. As you might have heard, Da Gronk has a broken Gronker, and Tom Brady's balls have to slap gently against someone's chest. Edelman stands to be one of the prime beneficiaries of the displaced Gronktacular workload, and I bet we're looking at a top-15 wide receiver down the stretch. (Psssst, don't tell anyone, but Edelman > Welker. For real.)
Chad Henne -- $12 to Rookie
dropped: David Wilson / other bids: $4 to Russ, $0 to Nathan
Billy Volek says hello.
Aldon Smith -- $9 to Derrick
dropped: Isaac Redman / other bids: none
At some point you have to save some face by dumping your leftover money by buying IDPs for way more than anyone else will bid. I get it, D. Your secret is safe with me.
Benjamin Watson -- $6 to Derrick
dropped: Donnie Avery / other bids: $1 to Mark
I think Benjamin Watson sucks because he was never man enough to drop the jamin and just be Ben Watson. Ben Watson sounds like a tough, lumber-laying, professional tight end, pounding beers and fucking chicks. Benjamin Watson sounds like some suburbian punk lacrosse player you'd secretly like to see your son run over and spike with his cleats on the football field. Seriously, who doesn't shorten Benjamin to Ben?
Blair Walsh -- $5 to Kirk
dropped: Donald Jones / other bids: $0 to Mark
Congratulations on buying the Vikings kicker for five bucks and effectively backing up Greg Zuerlein. I wonder how Donald Jones feels about all of this. That's a shot directly across the bow of his self-worth. Hey man, you just got dropped so I could pick up a backup kicker. OUCH!
Dumpster Diving...
Jared Allen, $4 to Rookie -- WHAT? He was out there to be claimed? Who the hell dropped him? Nice job sneaking in like a thief in the night and grabbing this guy, Rookie. Condolences to Russ, who also bid four bucks.
Dallas Clark, $2 to Mark -- I bet you're all thinking I'm going to say something about an airport Cinnabon. But no! I think this was a really smart claim. There's definitely a pulse still beating in Clark's chest, and the Bucs offense is riding a serious storm surge.
Harry Douglas, $2 to Ben -- Will the ATL shut down Julio Jones so he can get his leg right? If they do, Benjamin just scooped up the guy to have in such a scenario. Not a terrible speculative add.
Bilal Powell, $0 to Joe -- I still like Adrian Murrell Junior, and I still think Shonn Greene is a turd with two legs. We'll see what cooks here with the Jets; this could end up being a nice grab and stash for Joe.
Christian Ponder, $0 to Joe -- Okay, yeah, this is an upgrade over Foles.
Lance Dunbar, $0 to Joe -- Maybe the guy in Dallas? Big maybe. But still, this was a nice trio of free claims for Joseph.
Cedric Peerman, $0 to Kendall -- I always try to add a UVA guy for a good luck charm heading into the end of the season. Plus, with the Law Firm now in pink, I'm hedging my bets a little bit.
Delone Carter & Mike Goodson, both $0 to Paul -- Lottery tickets, but they're more like expired $1 scratch-offs.
Lance Ball, $0 to Nathan -- Goodbye Rashad Jennings, we hardly knew ye. $47 down the tubes...
The rest? I didn't even notice.
Remaining Budgets:
The soundtrack for this week:
The stats:
- 21 total claims
- 9 cash claims
- $88 spent
- $9.78 per cash claim
Before we get into the FAABnalysis, a quick note on Byron Leftwich. My man shocked the universe when he ran in a touchdown to open the scoring on Sunday night. Okay, I know Leftwich’s lumbering windup and windmill delivery is legendarily slow, but is it my imagination or does his ball just hang in the air forever as well? “And Leftwich goes back to pass, he sets his feet and winds up, this Byron Leftwich pass attempt brought to you by Steel City Motors where you always get the Steel City Motors promise of quality and excellence. Annnnnnnd Leftwich releases. The pass is at the 30... it's at the 40... it's at the 50... lots of hand checking going on... and the pass is batted down at the 40 yard line. The Steelers are really eating some clock here, that pass attempt took 36 seconds…”
Anyway, I'm glad the dude's ribs got popped. Let's hope to never have to see that choad throw another pass. On to today's claims...
Jalen Parmele -- $24 to Alan
dropped: Vincent Brown / other bids: $23 to Paul, $21 to Derrick, $18 to Rookie, $17 to Ben, $10 to Norris, $8 to Russ, $4 to Nathan, $0 to Joe
Did I miss something? Did Maurice Jones-Drew die? Is Bo Jackson coming out of retirement and working under the pseudonym "Jalen Parmele?" Is Jalen Parmele an anagram for something wonderful and fabulous? Planer Jam Lee? Renal Jampeel? A Rape Jell Men? Penal Jar El Me? What the Fuck? Guys, just let this be a lesson to you: Spend your FAAB money early in the season, else you end up throwing around wads of cash for a useless journeyman running back playing for a crap team, with only one more week of extended work before the injured starter returns to duty. Jar Palm Eel En?
Julian Edelman -- $24 to Patrick
dropped: Stephen Hill / other bids: $23 to Paul, $13 to Kendall, $6 to Ben, $0 to Joe, $0 to Nathan
This was the correct big-money claim of the week. As you might have heard, Da Gronk has a broken Gronker, and Tom Brady's balls have to slap gently against someone's chest. Edelman stands to be one of the prime beneficiaries of the displaced Gronktacular workload, and I bet we're looking at a top-15 wide receiver down the stretch. (Psssst, don't tell anyone, but Edelman > Welker. For real.)
Chad Henne -- $12 to Rookie
dropped: David Wilson / other bids: $4 to Russ, $0 to Nathan
Billy Volek says hello.
Aldon Smith -- $9 to Derrick
dropped: Isaac Redman / other bids: none
At some point you have to save some face by dumping your leftover money by buying IDPs for way more than anyone else will bid. I get it, D. Your secret is safe with me.
Benjamin Watson -- $6 to Derrick
dropped: Donnie Avery / other bids: $1 to Mark
I think Benjamin Watson sucks because he was never man enough to drop the jamin and just be Ben Watson. Ben Watson sounds like a tough, lumber-laying, professional tight end, pounding beers and fucking chicks. Benjamin Watson sounds like some suburbian punk lacrosse player you'd secretly like to see your son run over and spike with his cleats on the football field. Seriously, who doesn't shorten Benjamin to Ben?
 |
| Benjamin |
Blair Walsh -- $5 to Kirk
dropped: Donald Jones / other bids: $0 to Mark
Congratulations on buying the Vikings kicker for five bucks and effectively backing up Greg Zuerlein. I wonder how Donald Jones feels about all of this. That's a shot directly across the bow of his self-worth. Hey man, you just got dropped so I could pick up a backup kicker. OUCH!
Dumpster Diving...
Jared Allen, $4 to Rookie -- WHAT? He was out there to be claimed? Who the hell dropped him? Nice job sneaking in like a thief in the night and grabbing this guy, Rookie. Condolences to Russ, who also bid four bucks.
Dallas Clark, $2 to Mark -- I bet you're all thinking I'm going to say something about an airport Cinnabon. But no! I think this was a really smart claim. There's definitely a pulse still beating in Clark's chest, and the Bucs offense is riding a serious storm surge.
Harry Douglas, $2 to Ben -- Will the ATL shut down Julio Jones so he can get his leg right? If they do, Benjamin just scooped up the guy to have in such a scenario. Not a terrible speculative add.
Bilal Powell, $0 to Joe -- I still like Adrian Murrell Junior, and I still think Shonn Greene is a turd with two legs. We'll see what cooks here with the Jets; this could end up being a nice grab and stash for Joe.
Christian Ponder, $0 to Joe -- Okay, yeah, this is an upgrade over Foles.
Lance Dunbar, $0 to Joe -- Maybe the guy in Dallas? Big maybe. But still, this was a nice trio of free claims for Joseph.
Cedric Peerman, $0 to Kendall -- I always try to add a UVA guy for a good luck charm heading into the end of the season. Plus, with the Law Firm now in pink, I'm hedging my bets a little bit.
Delone Carter & Mike Goodson, both $0 to Paul -- Lottery tickets, but they're more like expired $1 scratch-offs.
Lance Ball, $0 to Nathan -- Goodbye Rashad Jennings, we hardly knew ye. $47 down the tubes...
The rest? I didn't even notice.
Remaining Budgets:
Kick Azz Giants -- $47
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $46
Double-O Daddy -- $35
Achilles Heels -- $33
The Magic Stick -- $33
Jesus the Moose -- $31
Blackpool Penguins -- $28
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $26
Nth Degree -- $20
The Champeens -- $13
Pink Nightmare -- $13
Juris United -- $8
THUNDER BEAR -- $4
Roo Tang Clan -- $0
Biggest Claims to Date:
Rashad Jennings, $47 to Nathan on 10/24
Alex Green, $32 to Mark on 10/10
Kevin Ogletree, $26 to Kendall on 9/12
T.Y. Hilton, $26 to Chad on 11/7
Jalen Parmele, $24 to Alan on 11/21
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $46
Double-O Daddy -- $35
Achilles Heels -- $33
The Magic Stick -- $33
Jesus the Moose -- $31
Blackpool Penguins -- $28
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $26
Nth Degree -- $20
The Champeens -- $13
Pink Nightmare -- $13
Juris United -- $8
THUNDER BEAR -- $4
Roo Tang Clan -- $0
Biggest Claims to Date:
Rashad Jennings, $47 to Nathan on 10/24
Alex Green, $32 to Mark on 10/10
Kevin Ogletree, $26 to Kendall on 9/12
T.Y. Hilton, $26 to Chad on 11/7
Jalen Parmele, $24 to Alan on 11/21
Julian Edelman, $24 to Patrick on 11/21
Greg Olsen, $21 to Kendall on 9/26
Chaz Schilens, $21 to Kirk on 10/3
Danario Alexander, $21 to Mark on 11/14
Andre Brown, $19 to Russ on 9/19
LaRod Stephens-Howling, $17 to Ben on 10/24
Daniel Thomas, $16 to Rookie on 9/26
Robert Meachem, $15 to Paul on 10/10
Chris Ivory, $15 to Alan on 11/7
Marcel Reece, $15 to Kendall on 11/7
Domenik Hixon, $14 to Nathan on 10/3
Jeremy Kerley, $13 to Derrick on 9/12
Daryl Richardson, $13 to Derrick on 9/19
Tashard Choice, $13 to Patrick on 9/26
Ramses Barden, $12 to Russ on 9/26
Brandon Bolden, $12 to Paul on 10/3
Montario Hardesty, $12 to Russ on 10/17
Ryan Broyles, $12 to Rookie on 10/24
DeAngelo Williams, $12 to Joe on 11/2
Chaz Schilens, $21 to Kirk on 10/3
Danario Alexander, $21 to Mark on 11/14
Andre Brown, $19 to Russ on 9/19
LaRod Stephens-Howling, $17 to Ben on 10/24
Daniel Thomas, $16 to Rookie on 9/26
Robert Meachem, $15 to Paul on 10/10
Chris Ivory, $15 to Alan on 11/7
Marcel Reece, $15 to Kendall on 11/7
Domenik Hixon, $14 to Nathan on 10/3
Jeremy Kerley, $13 to Derrick on 9/12
Daryl Richardson, $13 to Derrick on 9/19
Tashard Choice, $13 to Patrick on 9/26
Ramses Barden, $12 to Russ on 9/26
Brandon Bolden, $12 to Paul on 10/3
Montario Hardesty, $12 to Russ on 10/17
Ryan Broyles, $12 to Rookie on 10/24
DeAngelo Williams, $12 to Joe on 11/2
Chad Henne, $12 to Rookie on 11/21
Dexter McCluster, $11 to Nathan on 9/12
Brian Hartline, $11 to Rookie on 9/19
Sidney Rice, $11 to Joe on 9/21 (Friday FAAB Rebound!)
LaRod Stephens-Howling, $11 to Rookie on 10/10
Tim Jennings, $11 to Ben on 10/31
Emmanuel Sanders, $11 to Joe on 11/7
Danny Woodhead, $10 to Patrick on 10/10
That's it for this week. But as always, remember...
Dexter McCluster, $11 to Nathan on 9/12
Brian Hartline, $11 to Rookie on 9/19
Sidney Rice, $11 to Joe on 9/21 (Friday FAAB Rebound!)
LaRod Stephens-Howling, $11 to Rookie on 10/10
Tim Jennings, $11 to Ben on 10/31
Emmanuel Sanders, $11 to Joe on 11/7
Danny Woodhead, $10 to Patrick on 10/10
That's it for this week. But as always, remember...
GOTTA SPEND TO WIN!
November 17, 2012
Week 11 Predictions and Promises
Thunder BEAR (8-2) vs. Pink Nightmare (7-3): The Rookie's Undying Admiration
ESPN Line: TBear - 1.3
Nate and Kendall usher in the game of the week with a tasty trade that somehow makes them both more dangerous. There aren't a lot of holes on either of these squads, but that will only make these focus more negative attention on the minor weak spots.
For TBear, the weak link has been Vernon Davis. Every year he is supposed to break out and every year he hits a tragic trough in production. It sure feels like a low point for Nathan's TE. Here's hoping it was just a sign of the coming tsunami.
Pink has Romo to thank for his position of greatest concern. None of us were sleeping on Kendall (although some of appear to have been sleeping with him), but the tales of his potential demise have transformed to a real playoff contender. He has again wheeled and dealed his way to power. If he manages to upgrade Romo, we are all entering a world of pain.
I have mistakenly picked against the nightmare too many times.
Pink 122 - BEAR 109
Champeens (4-6) vs. Roo Tang Clan (3-7)
ESPN Line: Peens - 8.1
This is a waiver wire extravaganza. What do you think, two offensive players each that we all thought would regularly start? Injuries and byes abound as these two ex-champions rub their vaginas together and in hopes of miraculously conceiving a win.
I imagine Mark desperately wants to finish above .500, while Joe has made no secret that he is in fire sale mode. It just seems like Mark has landed more quality in his fill-in efforts. So, if the four stars cancel each other out, I'd bet on Shorts, Alexander, Pitta and Brown to give more value than Foles, LeShoure, Sanders and Stewart.
It will be ugly, but the Peens come out with a W. 85-80
Blackpool Penguins (6-4) vs. Kick Azz Giants (5-5)
ESPN Line: Penguins - 18
Is the Doc voodoo magic back? Has Norris's wad dried up and left the tube sock crusty? A lot of intrigue if the Penguins drop this one. It doesn't seem likely, but stranger things have happened.
The KAG are not at their strongest. Chris Johnson and Bradshaw are on the bench. The injuries just don't seem to be clearing up. And somehow Danny Glover was cast in Predator 2.
Blackpool is back a full strength with the exception of Jared Cook...so, yeah, still full strength. The only thing lacking for Nossir is all that creative energy he and Paul unleashed last week on the message board. Can't imagine he doesn't come out ahead this week.
BPP 91 - KAG 83
Achilles Heels (3-7) vs. Juris United (1-9)
ESPN Line: Juris - 6.4 (???)
I'll never understand the ESPN lines. No offense Alan, but this seems so illogical it hurts my brain. Sure, AP is out on bye, but Kirk has a ton of guys that regularly explode.
Looking a little deeper though, Juris does have much better matchups. The Heels' team is up against the likes of Chicago and Baltimore, but they also get Rodgers in a shootout potent game Amendola showing he belongs against the Jets. I don't think the matchups will be enough to overcome what should be a superior team.
Alan will need a lot of help and I don't see any life lines dangling from the CKL sky.
On a side note, are we calling Kirk's team lucky or unlucky with the new playoff setup? Bad luck for high points and low wins, but good luck for tons of losses and the points route (Jenna Van Oy) to the playoffs?
Heels run away with it 100 - 80
ESPN Line: TBear - 1.3
Nate and Kendall usher in the game of the week with a tasty trade that somehow makes them both more dangerous. There aren't a lot of holes on either of these squads, but that will only make these focus more negative attention on the minor weak spots.
For TBear, the weak link has been Vernon Davis. Every year he is supposed to break out and every year he hits a tragic trough in production. It sure feels like a low point for Nathan's TE. Here's hoping it was just a sign of the coming tsunami.
Pink has Romo to thank for his position of greatest concern. None of us were sleeping on Kendall (although some of appear to have been sleeping with him), but the tales of his potential demise have transformed to a real playoff contender. He has again wheeled and dealed his way to power. If he manages to upgrade Romo, we are all entering a world of pain.
I have mistakenly picked against the nightmare too many times.
Pink 122 - BEAR 109
Champeens (4-6) vs. Roo Tang Clan (3-7)
ESPN Line: Peens - 8.1
This is a waiver wire extravaganza. What do you think, two offensive players each that we all thought would regularly start? Injuries and byes abound as these two ex-champions rub their vaginas together and in hopes of miraculously conceiving a win.
I imagine Mark desperately wants to finish above .500, while Joe has made no secret that he is in fire sale mode. It just seems like Mark has landed more quality in his fill-in efforts. So, if the four stars cancel each other out, I'd bet on Shorts, Alexander, Pitta and Brown to give more value than Foles, LeShoure, Sanders and Stewart.
It will be ugly, but the Peens come out with a W. 85-80
Blackpool Penguins (6-4) vs. Kick Azz Giants (5-5)
ESPN Line: Penguins - 18
Is the Doc voodoo magic back? Has Norris's wad dried up and left the tube sock crusty? A lot of intrigue if the Penguins drop this one. It doesn't seem likely, but stranger things have happened.
The KAG are not at their strongest. Chris Johnson and Bradshaw are on the bench. The injuries just don't seem to be clearing up. And somehow Danny Glover was cast in Predator 2.
Blackpool is back a full strength with the exception of Jared Cook...so, yeah, still full strength. The only thing lacking for Nossir is all that creative energy he and Paul unleashed last week on the message board. Can't imagine he doesn't come out ahead this week.
BPP 91 - KAG 83
Achilles Heels (3-7) vs. Juris United (1-9)
ESPN Line: Juris - 6.4 (???)
I'll never understand the ESPN lines. No offense Alan, but this seems so illogical it hurts my brain. Sure, AP is out on bye, but Kirk has a ton of guys that regularly explode.
Looking a little deeper though, Juris does have much better matchups. The Heels' team is up against the likes of Chicago and Baltimore, but they also get Rodgers in a shootout potent game Amendola showing he belongs against the Jets. I don't think the matchups will be enough to overcome what should be a superior team.
Alan will need a lot of help and I don't see any life lines dangling from the CKL sky.
On a side note, are we calling Kirk's team lucky or unlucky with the new playoff setup? Bad luck for high points and low wins, but good luck for tons of losses and the points route (Jenna Van Oy) to the playoffs?
Heels run away with it 100 - 80
Week 11: Predictions and Promises
As the season rolls, the dynamic duo of Bledsoe Whitt continues to be more and more late and lazy about our predictions, but then maybe you should have predicted that yourself.
I am going to post up a math wrap up next week. With the holiday it should be easier. But until then you'll have the settle with this picture of a hot math teacher.
Daddy vs. Lasersnakes: Laser or not the snakes suck
ESPN Gameline: Patrick 84.7 - Chad 120.0
Patrick the fact that your record is better than mine is proof positive of the need of the Joe rule (Jenna von Oy) a.k.a the sixth position. Right now you have Peyton Manning and maybe in a stretch Jason Witten. Why hasn't the fire sale started? Oh because you go nothing to burn.
Also why do you still have $50 in your budget? Hoping to cash in week 15 on a last minute running back in hopes of keeping yourself out of the basement?
Yes this the 2nd time I have gone after you team, and maybe its disappointment in my own team that drives me, but I don't sense the desperation.
Make me eat my words. Spend more than $15 dollars on waivers and don't go 0-3 to Chad this week, Paul next week, and Russ to finish the regular season.
PS: I think Carson Palmer this week.
Chad you are on the ups and you team looks bound for the playoffs. I am secretly pulling for you to win to help solidify my claim for the Jenna von Oy. Please don't tell Kendall.
Nth at Stick: Who Cares about the 3s & 7s
ESPN Gameline: Rookie 117.4 - Russ 97.3
I really wish I had a better record so that I could relax and enjoy both Russ and Rookie having bad seasons.
He is my routine each week. Check to see if I am winning. Then immediately check to make sure that Russ is losing. Then drink in the warm satisfying knowledge that the Rookie is struggling once again. I use to then say a silent prayer to the god of fat middle aged laze-abouts that Ben was winning, but I take that on faith now.
SO....here we go....
Russ, Tamme is a pipe dream and a fitting add to your team. As absolute proof that he sucks...I drafted him in the eight round. I bet you are a little disappointed that Nate Washington can't suck it up for you this week.
Rookie is going double TE this week with Gates and MIller. Brian Hartline didn't pay out on Thursday, and neither did his kicker.
It's Rookie's bye week and he's struggling. I see Russ getting the upset.
Bruisers at the Moose: Upset Bitches
ESPN Gameline: Paul 108.6 - Ben 124.8
I have convinced myself that Paul is going to win this week. Right now between Ben and Paul that have 3 Packer WRs playing, and for the money I think James Jones is going to be the odd man out. I think V Jacks is going to flop again because I am bias against him due to Chad trying to entice me with him a couple of weeks ago. Brees and Megatron will go off, but I think Paul has enough juice in the tank to win out.
Ben you are in the playoffs this year, but Paul is going too, and he increases his cup chances with a strong showing this week. Book it.
I am going to post up a math wrap up next week. With the holiday it should be easier. But until then you'll have the settle with this picture of a hot math teacher.
Daddy vs. Lasersnakes: Laser or not the snakes suck
ESPN Gameline: Patrick 84.7 - Chad 120.0
Patrick the fact that your record is better than mine is proof positive of the need of the Joe rule (Jenna von Oy) a.k.a the sixth position. Right now you have Peyton Manning and maybe in a stretch Jason Witten. Why hasn't the fire sale started? Oh because you go nothing to burn.
Also why do you still have $50 in your budget? Hoping to cash in week 15 on a last minute running back in hopes of keeping yourself out of the basement?
Yes this the 2nd time I have gone after you team, and maybe its disappointment in my own team that drives me, but I don't sense the desperation.
Make me eat my words. Spend more than $15 dollars on waivers and don't go 0-3 to Chad this week, Paul next week, and Russ to finish the regular season.
PS: I think Carson Palmer this week.
Chad you are on the ups and you team looks bound for the playoffs. I am secretly pulling for you to win to help solidify my claim for the Jenna von Oy. Please don't tell Kendall.
Nth at Stick: Who Cares about the 3s & 7s
ESPN Gameline: Rookie 117.4 - Russ 97.3
He is my routine each week. Check to see if I am winning. Then immediately check to make sure that Russ is losing. Then drink in the warm satisfying knowledge that the Rookie is struggling once again. I use to then say a silent prayer to the god of fat middle aged laze-abouts that Ben was winning, but I take that on faith now.
SO....here we go....
Russ, Tamme is a pipe dream and a fitting add to your team. As absolute proof that he sucks...I drafted him in the eight round. I bet you are a little disappointed that Nate Washington can't suck it up for you this week.
Rookie is going double TE this week with Gates and MIller. Brian Hartline didn't pay out on Thursday, and neither did his kicker.
It's Rookie's bye week and he's struggling. I see Russ getting the upset.
Bruisers at the Moose: Upset Bitches
ESPN Gameline: Paul 108.6 - Ben 124.8
Ben you are in the playoffs this year, but Paul is going too, and he increases his cup chances with a strong showing this week. Book it.
November 15, 2012
Week 10 Numbers
All Play
Notes:
- Its tight at the top. Any of six teams, heck maybe even eight, could still take this thing.
- Blue is a full 60 games better than Orange. 60!
- After my disastrous Week 10 performance, Chad takes over the lead in the "Highest Low" category. 79.9 as a low score is pretty darn good. Considering he is tied at the top of this thing, its pretty clear (and has been for a while) that Chad is a serious threat for the Cup.
- Conversely, the "Lowest High" is currently a three team race of Mark (106.3), Alan (106.6) and Rookie (106.8).
Luck Index
Notes:
- Kirk, yet again, reaching historic levels of bad luck. If it weren't for the Heels, Joe would be at the bottom. Again. We need to mail him a rabbit's foot or something.
- The total cumulative luck index for the six current playoff teams is 2.0. If we were operating under last year's rules, where Norris would be in and Kirk would be out, that number would shoot up to 6.1. The rule is doing exactly what it was intended to do: de-emphasize the role of luck for making the playoffs. Its a good rule. Granted, it sucks for whoever would've been the sixth seed under the previous rules.
- Eight lucky teams compared to six unlucky teams. Kirk and Joe are so unlucky they're shifting the balance of luck's power over the entire league.
The Hotness
Notes:
- Didn't even have to change my first note from last week: "Yep. Chad has to be the favorite right now."
- Pink jumps up the list and the Penguins fall. In and out of the playoff field they dance.
- Top five on this list are currently in the playoffs. Joe and Mark have been hotter than Kendall of late, but that isn't really helping their chances.
Jenna Von Oÿ
Notes:
- Second place in the race for the sixth spot is closer than last week, but that's mostly because it was Norris swapping in for Kendall.
- Joe falls back further.
- At this point, Joe and Norris just have to hope Kirk trips up the last three weeks of the season. Unfortunately, hope is not a plan.
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