Wednesday FAABnalysis -- 11/14/12

As always, click play and let the sounds wash over you.  DOLEMITE!

• 14 total claims
• 9 cash claims
• $49 spent
• $5.44 per cash claim

Danario Alexander -- $21 to Mark

dropped: Shane Vereen / other bids: $21 to Patrick, $14 to Kirk, $10 to Alan, $4 to Kendall

First things first -- the guy is scoring points.  Also, he's still relatively young.  Nobody has ever doubted his talent.  The problem here is that his knees have been rebuilt with labia tissue, and he can't stay healthy.  If he stays healthy, this could end up being a very good claim for Mark, as Dx looks like the Chargers' new #1 receiver.  Weirdly.

Diagram of Danario Alexander's knee...
and also Rookie's face.

Greg Hardy -- $7 to Alan

dropped: Derrick Morgan / other bids: none

Alan's skills include writing, lawyering, seeming cooler than he is, understanding eminent domain, telekinesis,  speedy draft picks through the turns, and overpaying for IDPs.  As a Panthers fan, I can tell you that Greg Hardy is legit, and is #5 in ppg scoring along the d-line.  So if you have the money to burn, go right ahead!

I dare you to find a picture of Greg Hardy looking happy.
Seriously, he ALWAYS has a pre-rape face.  Check it out.

Donald Jones -- $5 to Kirk

dropped: Lance Briggs / other bids: none

70 yards and a coin toss for a touchdown.  I guess that's worth bringing aboard, even though they're the ugliest 70 yards and a touch you'll ever see.

Welcome to the Achilles Heels!

DeAngelo Hall -- $5 to Paul

dropped: Kurt Coleman / other bids: $2 to Chad, $0 to Derrick

The thing I like best about DeAngelo is the fact that he just oozes class.

Anyone worried about Paul winning the Cup this season can now rest easy.  He just cursed his team and this season's effort.  Just ask Mark.

Dumpster Diving...

Colin Kaepernick, $3 to Derrick -- Love this guy, and he'll give you nice rushing yardage from the QB spot without the cost of a Cam Newton or a Bob Griffin.  Let's hope Alex Smith dies from his concussion and Kappy takes over for good.

Jacob Tamme, $1 to Russ -- Good eye, Russell.  That was a nice little job, snaking in for a guy about whom everyone else forgot... wait for it... including Peyton Manning.  BOOM!  NAILED YOU WITH A SHITTY PLAYER BURN!  (Joel Dreessen 4 Eva!)

Nick Foles, $0 to Joe -- I knew someone would get him.  Never in a million years did I think he'd go for $0.  The Iggles o-line is in shambles, but if the pass pro is just good enough, Foles can make reads and all the throws.  Kid's big and has an Indiana Jones whip for a throwing arm.  He was a lot of fun to watch at Arizona.  In fact, some highlights...

PS -- Why the fuck didn't the Cardinals draft Foles after he slid to the 3rd round?  Bengals of the desert, I tell ya.

Anyway, bonus points to Joe for choosing the fresh fruit over another airport Cinnabon.

And double bonus points due to the fact that Foles looks so much like Wooderson.

Yeah, well, listen. You ought to ditch
the two geeks you're in the car with now
and get in with us. But that's all right,
we'll worry about that later. I will see you there.
All right?

Evan Royster, $0 to Kendall -- Brace yourself.  I just handcuffed Alfred Morris.  What in the hell has this world come to?

The rest? You guys can enjoy your new toys, but don't expect me to comment.

Remaining Budgets:
Kick Azz Giants -- $62
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $52
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $47
Achilles Heels -- $39
Double-O Daddy -- $38
Nth Degree -- $36
Jesus the Moose -- $34
The Magic Stick -- $33
Juris United -- $32
Blackpool Penguins -- $28
The Champeens -- $15
Pink Nightmare -- $13
THUNDER BEAR -- $4
Roo Tang Clan -- $0


Biggest Claims to Date:

Rashad Jennings, $47 to Nathan on 10/24

Alex Green, $32 to Mark on 10/10

Kevin Ogletree, $26 to Kendall on 9/12

T.Y. Hilton, $26 to Chad on 11/7

Greg Olsen, $21 to Kendall on 9/26

Chaz Schilens, $21 to Kirk on 10/3

Danario Alexander, $21 to Mark on 11/14

Andre Brown, $19 to Russ on 9/19

LaRod Stephens-Howling, $17 to Ben on 10/24

Daniel Thomas, $16 to Rookie on 9/26

Robert Meachem, $15 to Paul on 10/10

Chris Ivory, $15 to Alan on 11/7

Marcel Reece, $15 to Kendall on 11/7

Domenik Hixon, $14 to Nathan on 10/3

Jeremy Kerley, $13 to Derrick on 9/12

Daryl Richardson, $13 to Derrick on 9/19

Tashard Choice, $13 to Patrick on 9/26

Ramses Barden, $12 to Russ on 9/26

Brandon Bolden, $12 to Paul on 10/3

Montario Hardesty, $12 to Russ on 10/17

Ryan Broyles, $12 to Rookie on 10/24

DeAngelo Williams, $12 to Joe on 11/2

Dexter McCluster, $11 to Nathan on 9/12

Brian Hartline, $11 to Rookie on 9/19

Sidney Rice, $11 to Joe on 9/21 (Friday FAAB Rebound!)

LaRod Stephens-Howling, $11 to Rookie on 10/10

Tim Jennings, $11 to Ben on 10/31

Emmanuel Sanders, $11 to Joe on 11/7

Danny Woodhead, $10 to Patrick on 10/10


That's it for this week, but as always, remember...

GOTTA SPEND TO WIN!