Wednesday FAABnalysis -- 11/21/12

We have a lot of stuff going on right now.  The trade deadline just passed.  We're balls-deep in IDP rules changes.  The Jenna von Öy is under attack.  Thanksgiving looms.  And yet, we still found time to squeeze in some auctions today.

The soundtrack for this week:

The stats:

• 21 total claims
• 9 cash claims
• $88 spent
• $9.78 per cash claim

Before we get into the FAABnalysis, a quick note on Byron Leftwich.  My man shocked the universe when he ran in a touchdown to open the scoring on Sunday night.  Okay, I know Leftwich’s lumbering windup and windmill delivery is legendarily slow, but is it my imagination or does his ball just hang in the air forever as well?  “And Leftwich goes back to pass, he sets his feet and winds up, this Byron Leftwich pass attempt brought to you by Steel City Motors where you always get the Steel City Motors promise of quality and excellence.  Annnnnnnd Leftwich releases.  The pass is at the 30... it's at the 40... it's at the 50... lots of hand checking going on... and the pass is batted down at the 40 yard line. The Steelers are really eating some clock here, that pass attempt took 36 seconds…”

Anyway, I'm glad the dude's ribs got popped.  Let's hope to never have to see that choad throw another pass.  On to today's claims...

Jalen Parmele -- $24 to Alan
dropped: Vincent Brown / other bids: $23 to Paul, $21 to Derrick, $18 to Rookie, $17 to Ben, $10 to Norris, $8 to Russ, $4 to Nathan, $0 to Joe
Did I miss something?  Did Maurice Jones-Drew die?  Is Bo Jackson coming out of retirement and working under the pseudonym "Jalen Parmele?"  Is Jalen Parmele an anagram for something wonderful and fabulous?  Planer Jam Lee?  Renal Jampeel?  A Rape Jell Men? Penal Jar El Me?  What the Fuck?  Guys, just let this be a lesson to you: Spend your FAAB money early in the season, else you end up throwing around wads of cash for a useless journeyman running back playing for a crap team, with only one more week of extended work before the injured starter returns to duty.  Jar Palm Eel En?

Julian Edelman -- $24 to Patrick
dropped: Stephen Hill / other bids: $23 to Paul, $13 to Kendall, $6 to Ben, $0 to Joe, $0 to Nathan
This was the correct big-money claim of the week.  As you might have heard, Da Gronk has a broken Gronker, and Tom Brady's balls have to slap gently against someone's chest.  Edelman stands to be one of the prime beneficiaries of the displaced Gronktacular workload, and I bet we're looking at a top-15 wide receiver down the stretch.  (Psssst, don't tell anyone, but Edelman > Welker.  For real.)

Chad Henne -- $12 to Rookie
dropped: David Wilson / other bids: $4 to Russ, $0 to Nathan
Billy Volek says hello.

Aldon Smith -- $9 to Derrick
dropped: Isaac Redman / other bids: none
At some point you have to save some face by dumping your leftover money by buying IDPs for way more than anyone else will bid.  I get it, D.  Your secret is safe with me.

Benjamin Watson -- $6 to Derrick
dropped: Donnie Avery / other bids: $1 to Mark
I think Benjamin Watson sucks because he was never man enough to drop the jamin and just be Ben Watson.  Ben Watson sounds like a tough, lumber-laying, professional tight end, pounding beers and fucking chicks.  Benjamin Watson sounds like some suburbian punk lacrosse player you'd secretly like to see your son run over and spike with his cleats on the football field.  Seriously, who doesn't shorten Benjamin to Ben?

Benjamin

Blair Walsh -- $5 to Kirk
dropped: Donald Jones / other bids: $0 to Mark
Congratulations on buying the Vikings kicker for five bucks and effectively backing up Greg Zuerlein.  I wonder how Donald Jones feels about all of this.  That's a shot directly across the bow of his self-worth.  Hey man, you just got dropped so I could pick up a backup kicker.  OUCH!


Dumpster Diving...

Jared Allen, $4 to Rookie -- WHAT?  He was out there to be claimed?  Who the hell dropped him?  Nice job sneaking in like a thief in the night and grabbing this guy, Rookie.  Condolences to Russ, who also bid four bucks.

Dallas Clark, $2 to Mark -- I bet you're all thinking I'm going to say something about an airport Cinnabon.  But no!  I think this was a really smart claim.  There's definitely a pulse still beating in Clark's chest, and the Bucs offense is riding a serious storm surge.

Harry Douglas, $2 to Ben -- Will the ATL shut down Julio Jones so he can get his leg right?  If they do, Benjamin just scooped up the guy to have in such a scenario.  Not a terrible speculative add.

Bilal Powell, $0 to Joe -- I still like Adrian Murrell Junior, and I still think Shonn Greene is a turd with two legs.  We'll see what cooks here with the Jets; this could end up being a nice grab and stash for Joe.

Christian Ponder, $0 to Joe -- Okay, yeah, this is an upgrade over Foles.

Lance Dunbar, $0 to Joe -- Maybe the guy in Dallas?  Big maybe.  But still, this was a nice trio of free claims for Joseph.

Cedric Peerman, $0 to Kendall -- I always try to add a UVA guy for a good luck charm heading into the end of the season.  Plus, with the Law Firm now in pink, I'm hedging my bets a little bit.

Delone Carter & Mike Goodson, both $0 to Paul -- Lottery tickets, but they're more like expired $1 scratch-offs.

Lance Ball, $0 to Nathan -- Goodbye Rashad Jennings, we hardly knew ye.  $47 down the tubes...

The rest?  I didn't even notice.



Remaining Budgets:

Kick Azz Giants -- $47
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $46
Double-O Daddy -- $35
Achilles Heels -- $33
The Magic Stick -- $33
Jesus the Moose -- $31
Blackpool Penguins -- $28
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $26
Nth Degree -- $20
The Champeens -- $13
Pink Nightmare -- $13
Juris United -- $8
THUNDER BEAR -- $4
Roo Tang Clan -- $0



Biggest Claims to Date:

Rashad Jennings, $47 to Nathan on 10/24

Alex Green, $32 to Mark on 10/10

Kevin Ogletree, $26 to Kendall on 9/12

T.Y. Hilton, $26 to Chad on 11/7

Jalen Parmele, $24 to Alan on 11/21

Julian Edelman, $24 to Patrick on 11/21

Greg Olsen, $21 to Kendall on 9/26

Chaz Schilens, $21 to Kirk on 10/3

Danario Alexander, $21 to Mark on 11/14

Andre Brown, $19 to Russ on 9/19

LaRod Stephens-Howling, $17 to Ben on 10/24

Daniel Thomas, $16 to Rookie on 9/26

Robert Meachem, $15 to Paul on 10/10

Chris Ivory, $15 to Alan on 11/7

Marcel Reece, $15 to Kendall on 11/7

Domenik Hixon, $14 to Nathan on 10/3

Jeremy Kerley, $13 to Derrick on 9/12

Daryl Richardson, $13 to Derrick on 9/19

Tashard Choice, $13 to Patrick on 9/26

Ramses Barden, $12 to Russ on 9/26

Brandon Bolden, $12 to Paul on 10/3

Montario Hardesty, $12 to Russ on 10/17

Ryan Broyles, $12 to Rookie on 10/24

DeAngelo Williams, $12 to Joe on 11/2

Chad Henne, $12 to Rookie on 11/21

Dexter McCluster, $11 to Nathan on 9/12

Brian Hartline, $11 to Rookie on 9/19

Sidney Rice, $11 to Joe on 9/21 (Friday FAAB Rebound!)

LaRod Stephens-Howling, $11 to Rookie on 10/10

Tim Jennings, $11 to Ben on 10/31

Emmanuel Sanders, $11 to Joe on 11/7

Danny Woodhead, $10 to Patrick on 10/10



That's it for this week.  But as always, remember...

GOTTA SPEND TO WIN!