Week 10: Predictions and Promises - Part 1

A bit of a gripe to start things off.  Things are a little melancholy this week in the Sexy Badassville. (You should visit Nathan.  We are known for our beaches) I appreciate everyone attempting to cheer me up with your trade offers but no... I will not trade with Aaron Rodgers for your soiled leftovers.

This is a huge week for me.  I'm 5-4 and going against Joe with my chance at the finals and my beloved Quilt on the line.  Joe has lost to me 5 times in a row.  This streak of victory is older than my second son.  And where the titty fuck is Joe Sellers to bask in my anguish? To lob a string of barbs with a deer gutting picture and caption that says. "You're next!"

5 fucking years of losing to little Kirk Whitt and you have a real chance of rubbing my fat shit talking face in the mud for all those I (for no real reason mind you) stand above and wave my fucking finger over.  Where the fuck are the good guys?  The heroes of the league to keep in check the anarchy I wish to unleash. Maybe they don't exist.  Maybe I have been fooling myself into thinking that one day I will go too far and Joe or Mark or Paul or Ben or Nathan or Norris or even Chad would speak and say...that's enough Kirk.   Maybe that world of justice doesn't exist.  And maybe...just maybe...I've taken this bit a little too far.

That being said...let's lean into this bitch because the world has no fucking heroes anymore.  The white knight formerly known as Joe Sellers is no more.  Let the rotten filth that plagues my soul find it's way onto the written page.


The Champeens (4-5) at Double-O Daddy (5-4)
ESPN Gameline: Mark by 9.5

Chad you have a nice schedule for the rest of the season.  Beat Mark (4-5), then Norris (3-6), then Doc (1-8), then Nathan (4-5) for a challenge.  You are dark horsing your way right up the back door.  You don't have a great team but it seems to be just enough.  By the by...if Tannehill (QB) had not been on your team, he would have been on mine.
 
Mark I would go with Cotchery (WR) this weekend.  I know I am stepping on Nathan's thing but I think him over James Jones (WR).  Maybe that was your plan but it needed to be said.

Mark the door is closing on your season, and even though Kendall would encourage you I think it's already shut.  Which is too bad because your team on paper has most of the pieces in place. 5 loses is too many and if you lose this week then you are bunkmates with Rookie and Doc.

I want to give this to Mark and murky the waters for the finals.



Wonderous Blunderbuss (3-6) at Jesus the Moose (7-2) 
ESPN Gameline: Ben by 30.2

It is hard to write anything about this game.  Ben is clearly on the way to the playoffs and Norris is destined for a losing season.  Ben is a TE away from being unstoppable.  Of course Ben you are an injury away from being a happy and prettier version of me.  Start working on that.

Norris you need to pull together some keepers.  I am assuming Julio Jones and Tom Brady but who the hell is left?  CJ Spiller (RB), Greg Jennings (WR), DeMarco Murray (WR), you need to trade all that shit in on something. I assume you got things working but if not...get to getting.


Ben before Brees hits the field.



Barclay Street Bruisers (5-4) at Sic Semper Tyrannis Rex (2-7)
ESPN Gameline: Paul by 25.3

Paul are you keeping Justin Blackmon (WR)?  I think you cut a cheater loose.  Rookie just start dropping players each day for fun.  What the fuck difference would it make?  If Cole Beasley (WR) fell by way side, who would notice?  But if you dropped him on Sunday and then just left the spot empty you'd be a legend of flame outs.  Keep going until in week 13 you have a kicker and the backup QB for Denver.


Paul bends Rookie over and bangs his whore ass.


Glitterfist Lasersnakes (4-5) at The Magic Stick (7-2)
ESPN Gameline: Russ by 14.8

Russ I am the official logo sheriff of the league and your logo is yet again the worst.  Doc's is a little dated and should be a Darth Vader thing or at least a fucking Giant.  Mark's sucks but it's tradition for what that is worth. Paul's is hideous and make me notice my ass when I look at his team, but yours is worse.  It's just completely unimaginative.  Why not a gif of a woman drilling herself with a thick black dildo with 50 cent (he sang that song right?) in the background smiling.  I know that exists.  I've seen a dozen times in the lamer porn sites I frequent.  Or even this one

or maybe a little more modern....

or even this...Click Here for Image.  - Not Safe for Nathan

Will Ferrell said that his father told him upon seeking an acting career that he should keep in mind that, although talent was a factor, luck seemed to play a far bigger role in celebrity success.  He didn't say it like that but I don't have time or the patience to look that shit up.  When I look at Russ's success this year I like to keep the sense of those words in mind.  How could such a well documented perennial loser field such an interesting team? Fucking luck.

Larry fucking Fitzgerald (WR) is currently the weak man on the active roster. Jordy Nelson (WR) loses A Rodgers (QB), and who the fuck cares because they are playing the weak ass Eagles...luck.  Tony Ganzalez (TE)  hurts his old man knees...no problem Jordan Cameron (TE) is there to carrying the mail.  My one complaint would be that...maybe he is a little weak in the 3 option at RB.  But what the fuck does that even mean?

Patrick...Ray Rice (RB) is an Paul sized anchor that is weighing your team down. That and you are relying on Giants and Cowboys as the workhorse of your team.  You see anyone else winning with that strategy?  Why don't add a couple of Washington Monuments on to your roster of success?  Oh wait...there's DeAngelo Hall (CB).  Yes I did attempt to pick him up this week in a moment of panic but that doesn't not take away from my conviction.  Monuments + Cowboys + Giants = 10th place.

Russ by a baker's dozen.


PS: Bad Guys: Me, Dad, Rookie, Patrick, Russ
      Good Guys: Joe, Paul, Ben, Nathan, Norris, Chad, Mark
      Neutral: Kendall, Alan

That's how I see it.  Don't like...get to work impressing me.