Week 12: Predictions and Promises

Ben is laying out this week due to 2nd son related shit, so this is a solo post mother fucker.  As Billy Idol put it...I'm Dancing with Myself.

There is a lot of if then, then that this week with 4 of the teams in a 6-5 situation.  But before we get to the goods, let's blow through so of the least meaningful matches.


Juris United (4-7) at Charlie Brown Syndrome (3-8)
ESPN Gameline: Alan by 8.1

Alan presently has 5 QBs on his team.

• Eli Manning
• Ben Roethlisberger
• Josh Crown
• Sam Bradford
• Soctt Tolzien

So when I was wondering were that Rogers (QB) backups were, I needed to look no further than the Lady Justices (my new name for Alan's team).  Alan what the cold fuck is going on?  Are you collecting out of spite, because I never received a trade offer. I'm going to get real for a minute because I got brought to the mat earlier this week because I attempted to trade my entire team away for Doug Martin (everything but AP and Rodgers), and yet this hording ass bs behavior goes unchecked. CKL Sheriff...get to work!

Norris could give 2 shits anyway with Denarius Moore (WR) out and still in the line up.  Norris is now the ex-NFL kicker whose's bar failed after his coke head wife left him for that card player who "has a system" and all his teeth and doesn't go limp dick half way through an unmeaningful sexual encounter. In other words...someone needs a shower, a good meal, and maybe a hug.  

Lady Justices by 5 but I request an appeal.

Double-O Daddy (7-4) at Kick Azz Giants (1-10)
ESPN Gameline: Chad by 26.7

I want to hand it to Doc for still adding and dropping players even today. This means the gameline is out of sync, but I doubt a Nate Washington or Brandon Jacobs on the line will be able to lift Doc to a win.  Doc's team is still there to put up a fight, but Chad's only real weakness is QB and unfortunately he can't trade for any of Alan's horde anymore.  I should have put in a bid for Antonio Brown (RB) Chad, so there is something there for next year if you remember.  Chad should take this in a walk and keep his stroll on into the playoffs.
Chad by 15+

The Magic Stick (8-3) at Pink Nightmare (9-2)
ESPN Gameline: Russ by 1.9

This is your game of the week and perhaps a preview of the finals.  The headline right now is that Kendall has no TE with Jordan Reed (TE) out.  He dropped Pettigrew (TE) earlier this week but has yet to add a solid backup.  So if you want to fuck with Kendall then drop all of you extra guys and pickup a TE tomorrow during the Sunday FAAB.  Kendall is rolling $18 strong so make your bids high.

So even without a TE, Kendall is still favored by 1.9.  I'd like to care about this game but it doesn't fuck matter.  Both of these teams could lose the rest of their games and be in the playoffs so fuck it.

I go Kendall by 5+.


Glitterfist Lasersnakes (5-6) at The Champeens (5-6)
ESPN Gameline: Mark at 1.7

I like my Jenna in purple socks

This game does have some meaning but only that Mark has to score points so let's look at that for a moment. (Sorry Patrick I don't care that you and Mark have a thing going, the rest of us don't care and I don't think Mark really cares that much either.)

Stafford (QB) 20+, Forte (RB) 18 +, James Jones (WR) 12+, Welker (WR) 12+, Martellius Bennett (TE) 5+, Eddie Lacy 15+, DPs 27+, Crobsy +12 =  100 to 125.  This is a solid team on their way to the playoffs.  I admit, I completely wrote you off Mark...sorry about that.

Here are the meaningful matches

Sic Temper Tyrannis Rex (2-9) at The Sexy Badasses (6-5)
ESPN Gameline: Kirk by 14.7

I put this game in the meaningful category because I have an outside chance of the playoffs. I need some losing but there is a still a minor chance. I talked to Ben and he gave this game to me, so there is that.  I would like to take a moment and comment on the Bikini Bowl this year. I put in some solid effort this week and yet I am getting a little push back that the Rookie is actually ahead.  Let me lay it fucking straight you illiterate assholes...when it says "Kirk Whitt" that means that I posted the fucking pic.  Grind that into your rock filled skulls, Kirk Whitt.

By the way Rookie...fucking pathetic show this year.  Of course...expected.

Kirk by 7

Barlcay Street Bruisers (6-5) at The Thunderbear (6-5)
ESPN Gameline: Nathan by 6.8

This is most meaningful game of the week.  Both teams are currently in the playoffs so a loss here will most likely put someone out.  Let's make it happen by those sexy numbers.

Nathan has

• RG3 (QB) at SF which could be a big Monday Night Football game but I see a sub 20 production.  
• Reggie Bush (RB) against TB is a mix bag.  Bush has been laying off Friday practice but this week he was taking reps so it could signal a big day.  Historically he is on off, last week was off, this week should be on but 18+ seems like a stretch.  
• VJax (WR) at Detriot.  15+ I am in.
• Brandon Marshall (WR) - Chicago at the St. Louis.  To hit the line Marshall needs 15 and I don't see a problem here.  
• Antonio Gates (TE) - the #1 team against a TE in the league is the Chiefs.  This could be a problem for Gates who average 8 and is against the get 12 for the line.  
• Andre Brown (RB) at home against the Cowboys.  This is the sleeping Giant (pun) for Nathan this week.  I see easily 2 TDs.  

Add that together and I see a safe 85 points and then 25 to 30 from Defense and kicking.  105 to 115.

Paul has a little of hill to climb this week to get over the Nathan hump.

• Peyton Manning at 24.7...easily. 
• Bobby Rainey (RB) is a wild card #2 RB that Paul has as the main rushers this week.  Hit hit 34.7 points lat week and could take in a Marvin Jones 3.4 this week.  It was the pick of the FAAB and the only bet Paul has to play. 
• Alshon Jeffery (WR) is a solid WR and should get his 15.5
• Kendall Wright (WR) is a 3rd string WR in our league so rolling at number #2 is a hope. 
• Julius Thomas (TE) - Manning TE is a strong position so I go 11+
• Shave Vereen (RB) should be a 10+ against Denver. 

Add that together with 22 to 26 from the Defense and Kicking you get 103 to 110.

There is some grey area here where Paul wins but Nathan is a lot more of a solid pick.  My money is on Nathan but I have to say my heart is with Paul.

Nathan by 5.

Jesus the Moose (9-2) at Voodoo Brown (6-5)
Ben by 12.4

This Joe's last stand.  If he wins this week then he has a chance at the playoffs against Kendall next week. It's the hardest uphill of all of the 6-5 teams.  The problem of course is that Ben is stacked and has a great schedule for this week. Roddy White's performance not withstanding.  Gore (RB) will run all over top Washington.  Megatron (has his own transformer action figure)  and will destroy TB.  Newly acquired Fleener has high hopes.  It's a good game waiting on Ben.

On the other side of the field, Luck (QB) will make hay against the Cards. Zac Stacy (RB) they say will go 2 TDs and yards but I see that an over estimation.  I love Josh Gordon (WR) so I am good with 12.7.  Jimmy Graham (TE) was brilliant.  Ogbonnaya (RB) is not going to pop 12 points.

This is similar to Nathan and Paul.  Joe has a lot of ifs and Ben has solid averages to back up his predictions. I give this to Ben by 7+

Now, in honor of the Bikini Bowl...your moment of Zen.