Week 11 Predictions and Promises from a Father of Two

Hello again from that proud, foggy, sleep-deprived land known as New Baby.  Holy shit, I forgot what it was like to sleep on that damn hospital couch in 5 to120 minute segments for four days!  And I understand that women have a much more difficult lot in this process (9 months of annoyance; pain through delivery, no matter the method; and baby reliance for food), but there is plenty of pressure for dear old dad too.  I don't mind playing the servant to my wife during this initial stage, hell, she has earned a break,it's the air of worthlessness and second fiddle parent that I hate.

It is as if the general public assumes that after I wake up from passing out in the deliver room, I am going to go get my "It's a Boy" cigar, kick up my heels, and wait until my boys are old enough for little league to engage as a father.  Yes, I am competent and confident enough to give my child a bath, change a diaper, and secure the baby's head when I hold him.  Jesus, you'd think I was as old as my first son!  So, I end up overdoing it, going as far as demonstrating that I actually help my wife during breastfeeding, which only makes me seem weird or obsessed with touching boobs.  BTW - did anyone really prepare you for how big those things get?  Pretty crazy stuff that female body.

Anyway, I have an awesome new son named Rhett (Russ - how white is this name on your scale, if Lochlan was whitest name ever?).  He is so incredibly tiny and helpless, but makes me believe people are strong and able to achieve amazing things.  Hold up.  Am I really rambling about inspirational stuff on a fantasy football blog?  Ugh, where's my pillow?

His name is Rhett and we dress him in cowboy pajamas.  Higher on the white scale?

Here's my side of the week 11 predictions.

Pink Nightmare (9-1) vs. Sexy Baddasses (5-5): The Friendship 

I really thought Kendall was going to drop last week's game and pass me the #1 seed.  I am coming for that damn seed!  Watch your ass, man.  Oh wait, that is what Kirk does during the yearly Friendship man-on-man love fest.

Despite CJ0K's 20+ point performance, I have learned to never count the Nightmare out.  Especially when one of the sexiest badasses is out for the year and Kendall has traded himself into arguably the deepest team in the league.  Who among us would have had the brass cajones to sit T.Y. Hilton?  Yet he didn't perform, as our resident savant predicted.  I am telling you, Kendall has planned this out to once again scrape out a win on Monday night.  It is simply amazing.

Pink by 3.5

TREX (2-8) vs Juris United (3-7)

Woof!  This one is a dog.  What is the record for most red O's on a roster?  What is the record for most QBs on a roster?  You might not know this, but I can read minds and I just listened in on both of these guys' strategies.  Let me share:

Rookie: Surely one of these highly touted SEC running backs will eventually be dropped in adamantium and return to form.  I just hope LeVeon can score enough morphine to run through the pain for the remainder of the year, so I don't look as ridiculous for making him #1.

Alan: Please be good Percy.   Please be good Percy.  Please be good Percy.  Hmmm, let me see who desperately needs a shitty, third-tier QB and is dumb enough to trade for a keeper.  Maybe I could use some fancy lawyer talk to influence the deal.  No, at this point my hunting rifle would be a better bet for trades or just to put this team out of its misery.

Both score under 80 and Rookie takes the win.

Where to begin: death wish, blowing a phallic object, English joke? 

The Magic Stick (7-3) vs Barclay Street Bruisers (6-4)

Russ has hit a bit of a wall the past few weeks and Paul is in the scrum for the playoffs.  Across all players, I'd say Russ wins more of the head-to-head, but Paul has Peyton Manning at home against the undefeated Chiefs.  Not sure how you all feel, but I am waiting for Kansas City to show their true color - vomit green.  I also imagine Manning wants to make a statement about his awesomeness while aw shucks-ing the media with a giant slice of humble pie.  Or maybe he'll just put us in trance with his enormous forehead.

So, I am going out on a limb here and calling for another giant day for Manning, which will put a bit of a damper on the Knowshon numbers (adamantium anyone?).

Manning, er BSB over The Stick by 5 in a pretty serious upset.

Double-O Daddy (6-4) vs. Charlie Brown Syndrome (3-7)

At least Norris will win the creativity award this year for names.  Personally, this week's is my favorite.  Then again I am a Peanuts fan, especially the animated theme music and dance.

Also, Lucy is a classic bitch and the first animated character I'd smack, if that were possible.  That's right, I want to punch a cartoon rendering of an eight year old girl.

Safe to say there is little going right for Charlie Brown.  Sorry Norris, but the hits just keep on hitting.  

Daddy wins this one in a laugher by 20 or so.