Nathan's Nits - Week 4

The egg or young of a parasitic insect, such as a louse.

A unit of illuminative brightness equal to one candle per square meter, measured perpendicular to the rays of the source.

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I'm repackaging my weekly posts into one combined, end of the week extravaganza. From here on out, you'll get my douchey start/sit thoughts and my uber-nerdy tables all at once. Don't complain.

Start/Sit Thoughts

• Nathan: piss poor job not having an alternative for rib-shanked Vincent Jackson.
  
  
  Austin was supposed to be my #3 WR, but he hurt his hammy like he always do. VJax was hurt in multiple ways before this contest, from his sore ribs to the first start of Rookie toothpick Mike Glennon. Depth is hard to come by in the 14-team CKL era.
  
  
  Performance: Jackson snagged a measly two catches for 27 yards. Glennon targeted him a bunch but the ball kept going to Patrick Peterson for some weird reason. Maybe VJax had a couple tackles to get his total up to 3.5? I'm too lazy to look it up. My bench bukkake of Rod "Hit The" Streater, Kendall "Wrong" Wright, and Doug "Shitty Nickname" Baldwin would've only leveraged me 2.1 points had I been Biff'd Gray's Sports Almanac. What a load of choads.
  
  
• Ben: hope TE Chandler isn’t the difference in this game, as I put a bid in on him, too. That would sting.
  
  
  I'm not gonna flex my sack trying to FAAB a backup TE, but it still woulda sucked if Chandler went off or scored more than the winning margin in this contest.
  
  
  Performance: Two catches for 28 yards. He was Ben's worst player. Everyone else scored somewhere between ten and 100 points. Asshat.
  
  
• Joe: Broyles and Dobson. Sounds MUCH more like a law firm than a starting FF WR combo. Best of luck.
  
  
  Didn't really mean to pile on, but dang Joe, how did you get into this situation? Oh wait, I remember. You took your second QB and your second TE in the draft before you had any startable WRs. Then you took Mike Williams and Kenny Britt in the 4th and 5th. Rough. I'll eat my crow if this plan all works out and you make a double rainbow streak to the playoffs come Percy time, but I ain't tuning up my spare microwave anytime soon.
  
  
  Performance: Amazingly, the two combined for 1 point. Two wide receivers, one point. Unicorn type shit. And this was in a game where you only lost by 10.8.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Alan: If you’re going to FLEX Eddie FREAKIN Royal over Ryan Mathews, well just, sheesh. That says a lot about, damn. Everything.
  
  
  I've said it before. I'll say it now. I'll probably say it forever. I always want a starting RB in my FLEX spot. True, Mathews is teh suck. But he is still getting double digit touches every week. You can't chase touchdowns, especially when its Eddie Royal.
  
  
  Performance: Royal was Royal, three catches for 42 yards. Mathews went 19 for 62 and some receiving yards for 10.3 points. At least you won (see bullet point above).
  
  
• I hate teams that have DPs on their bench. Hate them.
  
  
  Hate was too strong on Sunday morning. More like, "don't understand." But I'm coming around to the idea that DPs are good enough scorers to consider benching instead of cutting. Sooooo, maybe I'm having a teachable moment here.
  
  
• Kirk: Hoyer over Schaub is the correct play. Any hesitation? Your WR starts are very curious. I think I’d rather start Wallace and Nicks. But I’m not three and oh.
  
  
  Schaub is the weirdest FF QB going these days. Decent numbers, shitty play, pick sixes galore. But Hoyer showed more potential upside, given how unknown he is/was. Sucks that he is toast. At least you get to go shopping for another QB, Kirk! That's always a good time.
  
  
  Its weird how you looked like you had four startable wide receivers to start the week, and then they turned into four completely bench-worthy turds. Wallace/Nicks seemed the correct upside/talent calculus.
  
  
  Performance: Starters: Hartline 3.4, Rice 1.1; Bench: Wallace 3.2. Nicks 4.1. A wash, basically. But not the good kind. More like Steve-O's clothes after the poo cocktail. We were both wrong, in different ways.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Chad: interesting move rolling with two non-LB DPs. Makes me want to look into who else is doing it.
  
  
  Which, of course, I haven't done yet. But LBs seem like the meat and potatoes DP players: tackle machines, slight sack/interception chances.
  
  
• Mark: any thought of going with Hill over Rodgers?
  
  
  This might be some repressed bitterness over Quizz never working out for the BEAR, but mostly its just me artificially generating content. As I said above, I always prefer the volume touch back over the boom/bust receiver.
  
  
  Performance: Hill was concussed and left the game with baygollies. Quizz looked as good as he ever has and got ya 8.8 points. Great jerb.
  
  
• Russell: Sanders over flash-in-the-pan Avery feels correct.
  
  
  Sanders is steady, but he won't win you games. Avery is a major risk to completely bust.
  
  
  Performance: Sanders 4 for 57, Avery 2 for 23. Win.
  
  
• Rookie: Pryor going forward? Wait and see with Le’Veon? Bastard snuck T. Williams by me. Shoulda thrown a single at that skank.
  
  
  Pryor was a late, late scratch, so this wasn't a decision at all. Rookie had to roll with Bradford. Who probably should be hitting the bricks right about now. But instead, he's in line to start for Nth Rex yet again. Sorry Rook but the vector is down this year.
  
  
  I get waiting to see what Bell provides you. I also get being patient with new addition Williams.
  
  
  Performance: This one is a gut bunch. Start Bell and you win. Start Williams over Austin and you win. I think your process is sound, Rookie, but it sucks when the results are flaunting all these hot skanks you could've banged, but now you're committed and have to bury that regret somewhere no one can ever find it.
  
  
  
  
• Norris: when are you going to bench Brady? Torrey Smith on the bench is a stone cold MISTAKE.
  
  
  Brady deserves patience, true. But the thought had to be there, depleting valuable attention and decision making reserves. Smith benched for Denarius Moore, eh? This is going to sound harsh, Norris, because it is going to BE harsh, but I think you've just disqualified yourself for Coach of the Year. Want to trade Smith to me? I'll start him.
  
  
  Performance: Brady outscored your bench tandem of Locker and Geno Smith, the former of which had something really weird happen to his hip. Moore scored 6.6 while Smith was covered with lightning like that pansy ass villain from Super Man IV. Five for 166 and a touch. It should've cost you, Norris, but you were playing Rookie. Bonus propers for having 109.9 points on your freaking bench. Talent cabinet loaded and (hopefully not) locked.
  
  
• Paul: Will Blackmon emerge as an option?

Week 4 Numbers

All Play

Notes:

• Kendall and Russ are the class of the table. Everyone else is nearly a week out of it.
• Pretty balanced between the meaningless divisions right now.
• Nightmare still has a vice grip on the CKL Triple Crown.
• Joe's Voodoo continues to score within a very narrow window. Odd.
• Wouldn't expect anything less than a league-leading explosiveness from The Sexy Badasses. They're so hot and cold! Just the way I like it.

Luck

Notes:

• Alan is the only coach to get to that elusive 1.0 in either direction. He's been the most affected by luck, and its in a good way.
• You'd have to think Mark and Derrick should see a win or two soon.

Jenna

Notes:

• Wins and losses have consequences. Ben beat me, taking me out of the playoff picture. Good news for Paul, who is now in.
• Ben, you gotta share Jenna with us. Sloppy seconds and all.
• Joe, Rookie, Derrick and Alan already look to be in rough shape for a playoff spot.

Hotness

Notes:

• Its the season premiere of the hotness, and Ben leads the way. Jenna and The Hotness!? Selfish bastard.
• Mark, take heart, you're up there with the big boys. Keep it up and you'll be thinking Jenna/playoffs. You can do it. BE INSPIRED.