Kirk's half of this weekly exercise was beyond impressive. The amount of funny and research he put in his part makes me feel inadequate. And he did that drunk. God, you are sexy, Kirk. Hope I can give you guys a fraction of the wood Mr. Whitt provided.
Pink Nightmare (5-0) vs. The Champeens (2-3) - The d20
Line: Pink by 2.2
The train keeps a-rollin' for Kendall's Pink Nightmare. He is in championship form with seemingly no need to look in the mirror until week 12 versus Russ (although I like to think I'll give him a run next week). Everything seems to be going right for the commissioner after Romo miraculously dropped 40+ against Double-O Daddy last week to pull off a victory. I was as guilty as anyone of counting Pink down. But that is the problem with this team every year - each player can go off for big numbers on any given week. I just didn't think a putz like Romo had it in him (thanks again, Tony for passing to Terrance Williams).
The 'Peens get their shot at exposing any skid marks in the Nightmare's perfectly laundered record. ESPN seemed to like their chances before Thursday, but neither Forte nor Bennett lived up to those predictions. I think it is still a possibility, but with a Bronco receiver on both teams and Romo back at home, Mark would need a miracle from Stafford and a new team around Cecil Shorts.
It seems like we will all be looking at an even larger erection in a suburban Richmond home on Monday.
Pink by 18
Kick Azz Giants (0-5) vs. Glitterfist Lasersnakes (2-3)
Line:Snakes 22.8
On the other end of the spectrum sits poor Doc. What's a guy gotta do to get a win? Based on name recognition or rank, the players should all be in place, but it just hasn't come together for the KAG. Maybe, just maybe, Gronk will stop being such a cock-tease and get on the field. But at this point that sounds doubtful. WTF is happening to good ol' Rob? Too much meatheadness outside of work? Lovers' quarrel with Tom Terrific? And then there's Kaepernick, who I was sold on earlier in the year. Maybe it's that damn McDonald's commercial about the wings that is killing Colin and Flacco. That is one piece of shit ad - I have no desire to try that Mighty garbage. By the way, both of those guys need to talk with their agents about getting a better idea for their next McGig.
I'm going with the Snakes by 10 or so, unless Gronk plays. In that case, KAG by a couple.
Sexy Badasses (3-2) vs. THUNDER Bear (2-3) - Michael Bolton Lead Pipe Free for All
Line - Sexy 8.5
Well, it would feel like cheating to pick BEAR knowing that Brandon Marshall went for 20.7 on Thursday, so let's see if I can rationalize a vote for the Badasses. Wait, there are two - Aaron Rodgers and Adrian Peterson. Wait, three - Kirk's willingness to post nude and semi-nude pics as often as possible. Why is he the only one? Are we afraid? Do we feel too classy, guys? Is this not a league full of heterosexual men? Did you not realize that the internet was created for pornography?
Nathan I'd like to see win because of all the things he posts as well. You do so much analysis and research it makes my head spin. Love it, but it doesn't excite in the same way Kirk's go-to move does. Nathan is the highest common denominator to Kirk's low. These guys please two very different parts of our brains. We need them and we need to thank them.
This will be a high-scoring affair and Nathan will at least keep up, especially if weak-link VJax wakes up. Call me a cheater - THUNDER Bear by 5.
Well done Ben. Worth the wait as always.
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