Wednesday FAABnalysis -- 10/2/13

Hello October.

You know the drill.  Play the song, let it serve as the soundtrack to this week's edition.  Jesus, do I really need to explain this to you every fucking week?

Does anyone even give a shit about these stats?  I don't really think they're particularly meaningful or anything.  HOWEVER, it does prove that I can do basic math, so fuck it.  Stats.

-- 16 claims
-- 14 cash claims
-- $93 total FAAB money spent
-- $6.64 average per cash grab

Interesting auctions this week.  Very interesting.  Get ready for a lot of dick and shit jokes, but maybe more football and fantasy football talk than usual.


Jake Locker -- $22 to Paul
Dropped: Brandon Myers
Other Bids: none
Oh man, the guy who dropped E.J. Manuel, getting spendy to claim Jake Locker.  Amazing.  To me, Paul runs his fantasy team like Barry Sanders.  Not with record-shattering numbers mind you, but a guy you can't help but root for, and more jukes than anyone ever.  The changes in direction are breathtaking.  This is the guy who dropped Peyton Manning, once upon a time.  This is the guy who just burned the redshirt on Kenbrell Thompkins by inserting him into the starting lineup (and getting 18.7 points out of him).  You have to learn to expect the unexpected when it comes to Paulie, and I totally DIG that about him.  But this specific claim... well... it's a mixed bag.  Locker's out 4-6 weeks with his busted hip.  That's a long time to hold on to damaged goods on your bench, grinding through the bye weeks.  But when he's back, Locker should be able to reconvene posting top-12 fantasy QB numbers, because the Titans seem at least somewhat legit, and lawd knows they have a lot of very interesting weapons for Locker to throw to.  So I guess I kinda like the player, hate the injury, loathe the overbid, and mourn the fact that Paulie just bid against himself and only himself, and talked himself into $22.  Ouch.  One final note, and bear with me on a semi-weird human evolution analogy.  Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are Modern Man.  Tim Tebow is Nebraska Man.  Jake Locker is Neanderthal Man.  I hope that made sense.  If not, fuck you.
ClaimGrade: D

From left to right: Monkey, Matt Cassel, Tebow, Locker, Manning

Rashad Jennings -- $16 to Rookie
Dropped: Felix Jones
Other Bids: $12 to Norris, $0 to Patrick
$16 for the Raiders' #3 RB, with Run-DMC and Dancing Bear nursing fairly minor injuries?  Yuck.  I get the bid, as Rookie is the DMC owner and probably needs the juice this week with Le'Veon Bell on bye.  But I hate that this is what we've come to.  Sixteen bucks for a bum like Jennings?  Not the FAAB Utopia I envisioned when I led us to this system, to 14 teams with 18 players per team.  Jennings should not be on a CKL roster.  Three yards per carry against the Redskins' putrid defense tells you all you need to know.  There's zero upside here.  Again, I get the reason why Rookie did this... but I also get why Type-2 Diabetics sometimes visit the Wood Grill Buffet.
ClaimGrade: D

Yeahbuddy.

Sean Lee -- $12 to Russ

Dropped: Donnie Avery
Other Bids: $6 to Nathan, $3 to Derrick, $3 to Norris, $0 to Ben
I think this is probably the future of FAAB and also of IDPs in our league -- high-cost roster churning.  Good IDPs will be dropped during byes, and money will be spent to claim them when they're back.  My advice is to avoid the market altogether by cultivating a garbage bench like I have!  But as for Sean Lee, I think it was a nice, strong move for Russ.  Lee's a good-to-great IDP in our league.  18 tackles against the Chargers is eye-popping.  Meanwhile, this is the sound of six dollars being flushed down the toilet.  Turns out, Donnie Avery actually IS a tampon with legs.
ClaimGrade: B+

Donnie Avery: dropped!

Matt Cassel -- $8 to Alan
Dropped: Mario Williams
Other Bids: $5 to Norris
Ummmmm.  Uhhhhh.  Alan and/or Norris, do you remember the Matt Cassel that used to play for the Chiefs?  With Eli Manning and Ben Roethlisberger all he has at quarterback, Alan is rightfully panicked.  But Cassel ain't the answer, bro-ham.  I'd bet my life on it.  He had a pretty good game against the Steelers in London... but... ummmmm... fuck man, I have no idea how to put this nicely.  Matt Cassel is... the quarterback equivalent of a hystorectomy, having him on your fantasy football team is like having gonorrhea, and starting him is like falling into a swimming pool filled with AIDS blood.
ClaimGrade: F

Looks like a regular blood pool, but there's AIDS in there!

Jeremy Kerley -- $8 to Nathan
Dropped: Rod Streater
Other Bids: $5 to Alan
Ohmygod, this was a genius move.  Sam Antonio Holmes is hamstrung, Stephen Hill is concussed, and SOMEBODY has to catch passes for the Jets.  I'm ashamed that I missed this particular play.  Kudos to Alan and especially Nathan for acting on the chance.  Stars are aligning here, and Kerley has the magic of real, tangible, palpable NFL opportunity.  He's a good young player, and I love the upside here.  Bravo, Nathan.  I don't even have a dick or shit joke for you on this one!
ClaimGrade: A+

Of course, he might be triple-covered, but...

Sean McGrath -- $6 to Alan
Dropped: A.J. Jenkins - REDSHIRT BURNED!
Other Bids: none
Okay, who the fuck is Sean McGrath?  (Consults internet...)  Oh shit, young dude is catching a lot of passes in KC.  I'm embarrassed that I've never heard of the guy.  After some quick research, this looks like it could be a case where Alan beats the dinner bell.  Good for you, Alan!  The upside here is that you freed yourself from the yoke of a truly terrible redshirt.
ClaimGrade: ?

Sean McGrath

Kellen Winslow -- $5 to Joe
Dropped: Harrison Smith
Other Bids: $3 to Ben, $2 to Derrick, $0 Nathan
When opportunity knocks, sometimes you can hear it waaaaaaaaaaay down the hallway in the retirement home.  Time to soldier up one more time, KW2.
ClaimGrade: C+

Tashard Choice -- $5 to Norris
Dropped: DeMarcus Ware / Jake Locker - TUESDAY DROPPED!
Other Bids: none
Cinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnabon!
ClaimGrade: D-minus

Dumpster Diving...

Chris Ogbonnaya, $3 to Norris -- I have a [strong] feeling that Silent-G is going to be the Browns' best running back this season, for both real life AND for fantasy.  Now that might not mean very much (Montario Hardesty says hello!)  Meanwhile, it just dawned on me: the Browns loved what Dion Lewis was doing in training camp and in the preseason before he broke his leg.  Maybe that's why they traded T-Rich, they felt like they had their RB of the future in Lewis?

Mike Goodson, $0 to Nathan -- Maybe Nathan can tell us how it feels to crack open the FAAB results on Wednesday at 12:01 and find out that you just landed two Jets.

Well, okay.

*NEW SECTION!* Best Claims Available on Friday
I'm doing this just because my ego is big enough to allow for it.  I'm only listing guys who I think are worthy of CKL rosters.  (For example, Carson Palmer need not apply.)
-- QB Ryan Fitzpatrick
-- RB Brandon Bolden
-- RB Khiry Robinson
-- WR Keenan Allen
-- WR Kris Durham
-- WR Rod Streater
-- WR Donnie Avery
-- LB Rey Maualuga
-- LB Akeem Dent
-- LB Curtis Lofton

Chris Ivory without the fiberglass?

Remaining Budgets
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $96
Blackpool Penguins -- $88
Jesus the Moose -- $83
The Sexy Badasses -- $81
THUNDER BEAR -- $78
Kick Azz Giants -- $77
Double-O Daddy -- $76
The Champeens -- $75
Pink Nightmare -- $75
The Magic Stick -- $74
Juris United -- $58
Voodoo Brown -- $34
Sic Semper Tyrannis Rex -- $34
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $12

Top-10 Biggest Claims of the Season
1) Willis McGahee -- $55 to Paul on 9/20/13
2) Jake Locker -- $22 to Paul on 10/2/13
3) Felix Jones -- $21 to Rookie on 9/18/13
4) James Starks -- $20 to Joe on 9/18/13
5) E.J. Manuel -- $18 to Mark on 9/20/13
6) Rashad Jennings -- $16 to Rookie on 10/2/13
7) Jonathan Franklin -- $15 to Alan on 9/25/13
7) Donald Brown -- $15 to Kirk on 9/14/13
9) Coby Fleener -- $13 to Rookie on 9/20/13
10) Sean Lee -- $12 to Russ on 10/2/13


That's it for this week's edition, but as always, remember...

GOTTA SPEND TO WIN!