Week 5 - Predictions and Promises: Part 1

Afternoon here is you latest supply of overbearing misinformed nonsense that will either favor your position or attempt to piss you off openly.

We stand 5 weeks in and based on the maths you have to win at least 8 games to be in the playoffs.  Last year Ben got in with 9-4 and had to use the Jenna to do it.  Yeah you can chase that Jenna but for the most part 8-5 is the bar you have to overcome.

So with 9 weeks left let's see who is not going to the playoffs.


Not Going to the Playoffs

Doc (0-4)  Doc you have to go 8-1 at least to be in the playoffs.  David Wilson and Gronk fucked you.  It sucks because you are better than this but we're friends so let me lay it out straight.  Start making trades, it's not going to happen.  You have to play Ben, Nathan, and to a lesser extent me.  You won't win at least 2 of those games. Pack up the plantation. Sell Sell Sell

Probably Not Going to the Playoffs

Mark, Rookie, Patrick, Joe (1-3) It's a hard pill to swallow this early in the season but unless you do a major overhaul and win at least 7 out of the next 9 games you all are fucked.  Flat fucked.

That leaves 10 teams with at least an average shot of going to the playoffs.

Almost a lock

Kendall (4-0) - Kendall can lose 5 of the next 9 games and still have a decent shot at the playoffs.  If he won 5 he'd be in.

Closing In

Paul, Russ, Chad, and Me (3-1).  I'm fucked I see a nice string of loses coming my way in the next 3-4 weeks. However Chad, Russ and Paul need to win 5 maybe 6 games out of 9 and they are in.  It's not an easy road but very do able.

Borderline

Nathan, Alan, Ben, Norris (2-2)  50/50 won't cut it fellas.  You either start winning or starting chasing the Jenna. You need to win 6 of the next 9 and really 7, so get to it.

None of this is opinion it's just math.  Can things change? Yes, but if you don't have the team by now, chances are you aren't going to.  So read the charts, spend the money, take the trade, and stop banking on the 3rd string Browns QB to win you games. I mean really...why the fuck do you have 3 QBs on your roster anyway? You know he's out for the season right?

And now on with the show.

Double-O Daddy at Pink Nightmare
ESPN Gameline: Kendall by 6.1

Big game here and everyone wants Chad to pop Kendall's losing cherry this week, but with 3 big red Qs in the line up you know Chad is sweating.  Jamaal Charles (RB), Danny Amendola (WR), and Andre Johnson (WR) are only 50% of Chad's points so yeah it's time to worry.  Josh Gordon (WR) picked up 14 so things are going in the right direction but there is still a long weekend to go.

Kendall mixed the pot a little this week, and now has 3 QBs in his roster.  I am never one to question genius but if I had 2 QBs on the bench it would be because I was either preparing for a off-week or looking to switch out my starter.  Romo (QB) is ranked 13th in a 14 team league and his bye week is week 11 so maybe...just saying.  

Newly acquired Steve Johnson (WR) shit the bed and so did phenom Jordan Cameron  (TE) on Thursday. That leaves Kendall with newly acquired Erik Decker (WR) and the law-firm of Green (WR)-&-Foster(RB) to put the Pink back in contention.

The buried headline in this game is that both teams have switched up at least two members of the defense this week.  Chad bought Stephen Tulloch (LB), and DeAndre Levy (LB) off waivers.  Kendall traded for Luke Kuechly (LB), Bobby Wagner (LB), and Kiko Alonso (LB).

It's a nut buster but I give the edge to Kendall because the worst is now behind him in terms of let downs in scoring. Chad on the other hand has no where to go if one of the Qs turn to Os.

Kendall by 5.



The Magic Stick at Thunder Bear
ESPN Gameline: Nathan by 10.3

Russ unlocked the cruise control this week and actually picked some up off of waivers.  For $12 and the loss of Donnie Avery (WR), Russ bought Sean Lee (LB).  Kendall's opinion on the pick is on the blog (FAAB Analysis.)  If it were me, I would be shopping Cam Newton (QB).  He is the weak link on a strong team, and Greg Olsen (TE) and DeAngelo Williams are who I would use as trade bait.  Putting it out there Russ, you team is coasting toward the consolation bracket.  You need to drive that bitch.

It's so nice to see Reggie Bush (RB) winning.  He is a lucky charm Nathan and may be enough to cancel out the bad mojo of Michael Vick (QB).

Both teams roll thick with players, but I feel like Nathan is on the up and Russ is on the down so I'll go with the 10 of ESPN.

Nathan by 10.


Sic Semper Tyrannis Rex at The Champeens
ESPN Gameline: Mark by 17.6

Based on the earlier prose about the maths of the situation, neither of these teams are going to playoffs.  However the other way to look at it is that one of these teams is really really not going to the playoffs. And that team is Rookie.  Rookie you got nothing and I had so much hope.  Coby Fleenor (spelled like that to the bane of Kendall) (TE), Lamar Miller, and Sam Bradford are sexy but no one on the team is bad-ass.  You need both.

Mark has both sexy, badass, and players with weak opponents.  Mark you will live to fight another day. Rookie...at least you get to take the rest of the season off to pursue your other hobbies....bottle sorting or butter wedging.....face smearing....lawn darting...clown chasing....leaf...something.

Mark by 20.