Stats. Chicks dig 'em.
-- 25 claims
-- 21 cash claims
-- $111 total FAAB money spent
-- $5.29 average per cash grab
On to the claims...
Mike James -- $31 to NorrisDropped: LeGarrette Blount -- REDSHIRT BURNED!
Other Bids: $17 to Rookie, $13 to Patrick, $9 to Nathan, $4 to Ben, $2 to Joe
In the last week, Norris has spent $84 in order to bring aboard Joseph Randle and Mike James. I don't want to sound too harsh, because I understand Norris might be in a fragile state right now... but... you might be doing it wrong. I understand that it's been a shitty season in Blackpool. 2-5 and going nowhere fast. Tom Brady is sucking (from a FF perspective). C.J. Spiller and DeMarco Murray can't stay healthy. Devastating injury for Julio Jones. Jared Cook failing to break the 5-point barrier after week 1's 25-point explosion. J.J. Watt is only the 33rd-best DP after you drafted him to be the best. Other than Torrey Smith, there hasn't been many bright spots for the Penguins. I understand that. But this bid was just nuts, just like last week's $51 Randle bid was a little bit nuts. But you know what? YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT? I love it, Norris. If life hands you lemons, chuck that shit in the garbage and go buy a beer. Life hands you chicken feathers, use 'em to stuff a pillow and lay down the highest-priced hooker you can find. All you can do is whatever you can do, and I sincerely hope Mike James is the next coming of Arian Foster for the Bucs and for the Blackpool Penguins. You never know until these guys get in the game, so buckle up waiting for your next high-priced investment to take the field as Tampa's bellcow back.
Nobody knows how this is going to work out. All we know is that $31 was a $14 overbid. But who cares about that shit? If you got the guy and he ends up being a player, nobody will care that you overpaid.
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| Here it is, Norris. Your destiny. |
Peyton Hillis -- $13 to Derrick
Dropped: Reggie Wayne -- TUESDAY DROP!
Other Bids: $5 to Patrick, $4 to Kirk, $3 to Ben, $2 to Joe,
Ahhh, the Juggernaut. I love the Juggernaut! What's the story with this guy? Why hasn't he been able to hold down a job in the NFL? Obviously, I'm a huge fan, as I still have a halfway boner for Mike Alstott, and Hillis is like the second coming. So why was he a street free agent? Nathan, if you know the answer, leave it in the comments, because I am legitimately curious.
Meanwhile, Doc - one of our resident Giants die-hards - made a strong move to land Hillis, so he must know something we don't. I mean, nobody knows better that David Wilson is a big ol' stinky pile of dog's excrement. But what about Andre Brown's looming return? Is $13 the price you pay for a two week rental? Or maybe the G-Men like what they've found in Hillis? It's interesting. If the Giants had an o-line at all, imagine the split backfield between Hillis and Brandon Jacobs. Now that's some intoxicating power. Wow. Put both of those guys on the field at the same time, maybe with a huge blocking fullback like Bear Pascoe... jeez, that'd be fun to see. Hillis 252, Jacobs 265, Pascoe 283... that's 800 pounds of nuts to flex. Oh, if the Giants only had an offensive line.
Anyway, I love the Juggernaut. I'm glad he's FF-relevant again. I'm happy to watch him play on Sundays, because I'm a fan.
Joseph Fauria -- $11 to Rookie
Dropped: Khiry Robinson
Other Bids: none
Here's what Fauria has done since Nathan used $6 to pick him up last week: 1 catch for 15 yards. Smart bid, going $5 over the top of what Nathan spent. Jeez, Rookie. I guess the silver lining is that Fauria got a whopping 4 targets against the Bungles in week 7. FARTSOUND.
Dropped: Khiry Robinson
Other Bids: none
Here's what Fauria has done since Nathan used $6 to pick him up last week: 1 catch for 15 yards. Smart bid, going $5 over the top of what Nathan spent. Jeez, Rookie. I guess the silver lining is that Fauria got a whopping 4 targets against the Bungles in week 7. FARTSOUND.
Scott Chandler -- $7 to Alan
Dropped: Sean McGrath
Other Bids: none
I guess Sugar Ray wasn't getting it done on Alan's bench. Now introducing Scott Chandler, who when he isn't masquerading as an NFL tight end, enjoys romantic comedies and long walks on the beach. Actually, after a quick look at Juris United, I realize that this bum is now Alan's starting tight end. Not bye week or injury replacement, but a STARTER. Russ, I think we might have found a taker for Jordan Reed.
Dropped: Sean McGrath
Other Bids: none
I guess Sugar Ray wasn't getting it done on Alan's bench. Now introducing Scott Chandler, who when he isn't masquerading as an NFL tight end, enjoys romantic comedies and long walks on the beach. Actually, after a quick look at Juris United, I realize that this bum is now Alan's starting tight end. Not bye week or injury replacement, but a STARTER. Russ, I think we might have found a taker for Jordan Reed.
DeMeco Ryans -- $6 to Alan
Dropped: Lance Briggs
Other Bids: $5 to Norris, $3 to Kirk, $3 to Ben, $2 to Joe, $1 to Derrick, $0 to Nathan, $0 to Paul
That's over half the league bidding on this guy, who has been bobbing around and floating in the free agent pool for way too long. Nice move by Alan to snap him up. I don't know how good Ryans is in that ass-poor Iggles defense, but he's piling up tackles and scoring FF points, so welcome to the CKL you big stud.
Dropped: Lance Briggs
Other Bids: $5 to Norris, $3 to Kirk, $3 to Ben, $2 to Joe, $1 to Derrick, $0 to Nathan, $0 to Paul
That's over half the league bidding on this guy, who has been bobbing around and floating in the free agent pool for way too long. Nice move by Alan to snap him up. I don't know how good Ryans is in that ass-poor Iggles defense, but he's piling up tackles and scoring FF points, so welcome to the CKL you big stud.
Josh McCown -- $6 to Alan
Dropped: Ted Ginn
Other Bids: $20 to Norris, $11 to Nathan, $8 to Kendall, $2 to Joe
Alan, I just want to make sure that you wrapped up Ted Ginn and tossed him in the wastebasket. DO NOT flush Ted Ginn down the toilet -- he can clog your pipes as he absorbs the toilet water, and he can do serious damage to your house. Just ask Dana Hall, who had to live on a shitcarpet after she flushed a Ted Ginn and backed up the pipes. Anyway... Josh McCown. Am I wrong to think that seeing this clown picked up for six bucks in our league is some sort of sign of the apocalypse?
Dropped: Ted Ginn
Other Bids: $20 to Norris, $11 to Nathan, $8 to Kendall, $2 to Joe
Alan, I just want to make sure that you wrapped up Ted Ginn and tossed him in the wastebasket. DO NOT flush Ted Ginn down the toilet -- he can clog your pipes as he absorbs the toilet water, and he can do serious damage to your house. Just ask Dana Hall, who had to live on a shitcarpet after she flushed a Ted Ginn and backed up the pipes. Anyway... Josh McCown. Am I wrong to think that seeing this clown picked up for six bucks in our league is some sort of sign of the apocalypse?
Garrett Hartley -- $6 to Chad
Dropped: Chad Henne
Other Bids: $4 to Patrick, $3 to Ben, $1 to Paul, $0 to Joe
I guess Chad didn't want to drop Robbie Gould? Chad Henne was just as worthless, so okay. Hartley is one of six kickers currently averaging double-digit points. While it sucks to play the kicker shell game, having a good one does give you an advantage. Fair bid for a productive player who will be a starter for his CKL team. (This is our new normal, guys. $5+ for good kickers and DPs. Get used to it. Penny stocks were a 2011 game.)
Dropped: Chad Henne
Other Bids: $4 to Patrick, $3 to Ben, $1 to Paul, $0 to Joe
I guess Chad didn't want to drop Robbie Gould? Chad Henne was just as worthless, so okay. Hartley is one of six kickers currently averaging double-digit points. While it sucks to play the kicker shell game, having a good one does give you an advantage. Fair bid for a productive player who will be a starter for his CKL team. (This is our new normal, guys. $5+ for good kickers and DPs. Get used to it. Penny stocks were a 2011 game.)
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| THIS is your new kicker, Chad. |
Dumpster Diving...
Mike Mitchell, $4 to Russ -- He's been a revelation in Carolina, and they blitz him A LOT. Enjoy your new toy, Russ. He'll be a good one.
Stephen Tulloch, $3 to Patrick -- Pretty good DP claim, but the redshirt burning of Markus Wheaton hurts a little. However, unless things change in the second half of this season, Wheaton is a guy you can get in the 14th round of the 2014 draft, so no biggie. (One note on CKL strategy: The later in the season you drop your redshirt, the more opportunity you've wasted with that roster spot. I love the redshirt system. It adds a really interesting dynamic.)
Cole Beasley, $3 to Chad -- I've almost picked him up three weeks in a row. I think he's got some real chops, and the Cowboys are slowly discovering that for themselves.
Brandon Gibson, $3 to Nathan -- Guy's a scrub, but he's involved, especially in the red zone. Opportunity trumps talent in many cases, and Nathan is an "opportunities" guy.
Rob Housler, $3 to Nathan -- Good claim. I think he's a top-15 tight end the rest of the season.
Lawrence Timmons, $3 to Kendall -- Glad to have him, still hate the Steelers.
Ryan Tannehill, $2 to Joe -- Remember when you almost traded Michael Floyd for Tanny? Yeah, me neither.
Andrew Quarless, $2 to Kirk -- I want to see how they use Brandon Bostick in trying to replace Finley. You might have picked up the wrong Packers tight end, bud.
Nate Burleson, $1 to Russ -- You caught the rest of us napping with this claim. And I'd also like to officially and publicly acknowledge that after eight years of sucking in the CKL, you are putting together one hell of a season -- pushing the right buttons, making the right trades, running your team with incredible competency. For me, it's a two-horse race for COTY between you and Ben... and that's fucking amazing. (Paul, you're my #3 right now.)
Tyler Eifert, $1 to Kendall -- Maybe all he does is score me 2 points when Jordan Cameron is on bye in week 10. But for some reason, this claim felt really GOOD to me. Good beyond the sheer homerism of the pick-up, I mean.
Best Claims Available on Friday
-- QB Jason Campbell
-- RB Daniel Thomas
-- RB Marcel Reece
-- WR Robert Woods
-- WR Miles Austin
-- WR Marvin Jones
-- TE Jeff Cumberland
-- LB Alec Ogletree
-- LB Perry Riley
-- LB Thomas Davis
-- QB Jason Campbell
-- RB Daniel Thomas
-- RB Marcel Reece
-- WR Robert Woods
-- WR Miles Austin
-- WR Marvin Jones
-- TE Jeff Cumberland
-- LB Alec Ogletree
-- LB Perry Riley
-- LB Thomas Davis
Remaining Budgets
The Magic Stick -- $60
Kick Azz Giants -- $58
Double-O Daddy -- $52
The Champeens -- $48
The Sexy Badasses -- $46
THUNDER BEAR -- $34
Pink Nightmare -- $29
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $22
Jesus the Moose -- $21
Juris United -- $15
Sic Semper Tyrannis Rex -- $12
Voodoo Brown -- $10
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $7
The Magic Stick -- $60
Kick Azz Giants -- $58
Double-O Daddy -- $52
The Champeens -- $48
The Sexy Badasses -- $46
THUNDER BEAR -- $34
Pink Nightmare -- $29
Glitterfist Lasersnakes -- $22
Jesus the Moose -- $21
Juris United -- $15
Sic Semper Tyrannis Rex -- $12
Voodoo Brown -- $10
Barclay Street Bruisers -- $7
Blackpool Penguins -- $0
Norris comes from behind to win The Blown Load!
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| Splat. |
1) Nick Foles -- $58 to Ben on 10/16/13
2) Willis McGahee -- $55 to Paul on 9/20/13
3) Joseph Randle -- $51 to Norris on 10/16/13
4) Harry Douglas -- $40 to Kendall on 10/9/13
5) Mike James -- $31 to Norris on 10/23/13
6) Brandon Jacobs -- $27 to Patrick on 10/16/13
7) Jake Locker -- $22 to Paul on 10/2/13
8) Chris Ogbonnaya -- $21 to Patrick on 10/16/13
8) Felix Jones -- $21 to Rookie on 9/18/13
10) James Starks -- $20 to Joe on 9/18/13
That's it for this week's edition, but as always, remember...
GOTTA SPEND TO WIN!
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