Week 8 Predictions and Promises, Part 2

Greeting League!  I am not stuck in a hotel room or drinking some un-American beer with the word “Red” in its title.  Hopefully, that will facilitate less than two references to my genitalia during this write up.  I love you, Kirk, but I’m gonna pound a few local brews with Northwest hops and give even the most downtrodden teams a glimmer of hope.  It’s a beautiful day, I’ve got two weeks until my second kid arrives, and the optimism is flowing.  Why you gotta be so hard on these guys?

Side note to my co-writer: double check the text.  We nearly had an overlap again.  Now go get some quality craft beer, sucka!

Double-O Daddy (4-3) vs. The Magic Stick (6-1)

Line: TMS by 39

Wow!  I thought this one might be close before last night.  Cam’s big night puts some pressure on Chad, but he has the potential to catch up.  An IDP scoring 12.4 is an excellent start.

Russ is a hard out this year.  Despite Fitz and Gonzo’s underperformance (read: both are good, but not as amazing as usual), TMS has arguably the strongest team in the league.  Both Cam Newton and Knowshon more than make up for the disappointments.  I admit I didn’t see this squad coming through as a #1 seed type of team.  Playoffs maybe, but #1…uh, no.  So you get to be our Chiefs, Russ.  Lucky you.

Chad looks strong at the top with Mr, Metronome, Matt Ryan and all world back Jammy C.  From there it is like someone shattered the viewing deck at the Grand Canyon.  Holy shit, the drop off!  Antonio “Geronimo” Brown, Cole “Look Out Below” Beasley, and Daniel “Kamikaze” Thomas all make me think of crashing and burning.  Daddy has a shot here, but it will take something on the order of Matt Quigley to hit this target.

TMS wins by 15

Sexy Badasses (3-4) vs. Blackpool Penguins (2-5)

Line: Badasses by 55.7…oof!

What to say here?  Yeah, Kirk should win.  How he has managed to lose 4 games is beyond me.  After the draft, everyone agreed the Sexy Badasses were contenders.  Then Kendall stopped managing them.

 

Too harsh?  You know I love you Kirk and am only kidding.  The real story here is who has worse luck between these two teams.  Kirk’s team should have more in the win column.  The pieces are there.  Norris has hit a twilight zone of insane turns – injuries, stars sucking, bench players that trick you into starts, and three defensive players on bye.  Just curious, why not field someone this week?

Look, I want to see Norris upset someone as much as the next guy, but when all six skill positions lean heavily toward the Badasses, you gotta bet on Kirk.  Rodgers over Geno; AP over Mike James; Nicks over Jennings; Vernon over Cook; Boykin (???) over Randle (???); and Rice over Denarius – no wait, there is one.  There's your bright spot and glimmer of hope - see, optimistic.

 

Sorry Nori Bunn, Sexy by 20+

Also, Kirk might get my vote for coach of the year based solely on the changing logo pics and constant beautiful additions to the blog and message board.

Pink Nightmare (6-1) vs. Glitterfist Lasersnakes (3-4)

Line: Pink 13.6

I told Trevor that his Mom asked me to write the prediction for his game and the little guy suggested that he write it instead.  Being an encouraging father, with newly restored custody, how could I deny the request?  He even chose the pictures.  Here is what he came up with.

"Hi Mom.  Sorry I cant live wiff you this year.  I am sad, cuz yur bed is soft and warm and Dad maks me sleep by mysef.  He dont make good chilie, but the mommy at hiz howse nos where to by happy meels.  She keeps him bizzy and iz always telling him ‘bowt the jobs she iz gonna giv him latr.

I lik yur team, Mom, and no how seksy you think AJ Green iz.  He iz my favrit too, Mom, and I still luv the Bengals.  Tonie Romo kinda looks wimpie, but I ‘member wen he scored a hundred points for you wen he playd the Broncos.  I gess he iz prettie good.  You also sed Eric Decker iz seksy, but in a difrent kinda way that maks yur pants tingle.  I gess he must be good too, cuz my new mommy also sez she would give him some jobs lik she givz daddy, so he must kood do lotsa other stuff ‘sides futball.

Snakes skeer me, but I no that you aint skeerd of them, Mom.  I hav seen you wear yur favrit shirt that sez “No Fear”.  It has the sleevs cut off and smells like yur frind Barrie.  But, I do lik wen that Vikter-man for the Giants dansez in the endzon.  I betcha he duz that a coupla timz on Sunday.  The kwarterback for the Seehawks is reel fast and smart.  You told me that wen you mayd me stay awak for the draft wen I was little.  Iz he smart enuff to beet yur teem, Mom?  I wuz surprizd that Olsen kot a TD.  You shur likd him last year, but this year, Daddy sez he smellz like dog poopie.  I think he iz just mad that hiz tight end got hurt.

 I do lik glitter tho.  ‘Member that time you made me go to my room cuz I uzd yur eye glitter on my skool poster.  I am sorry ‘bowt that, Mom.  I lik lazrz too.  ‘Member that time you let me com to yur special club wear they had lazrz and fast muzik and all thoz gyz in shinie blak undrwayr?  They mayd you and unkle Barrie leev and you took me to Grammas howse and I cryd, cuz you wudnt let me go back wiff you.  I am sorry ‘bowt that too, Mom.

I betcha that yur Pink teem beets the Sparklin Snakes by ‘bowt 10 points.  I luv you, Mom and miss you."