Week 8: Promises and Predictions - Part 1

Okay I am alone in a hotel room, drinking Guinness Red Harvest Stout (good by the way.  Think lighter stout), and trying not to look at porn on the company issued laptop.  Let's make it happen.


Kick Ass Giants (1-6)  at Sic Sempter Tryannis Rex (1-6) 
ESPN Gameline: Doc by 11.2

1-6 ...here is a situation where that would be lovely.

Not so much with the fantasy football.....I just don't care about this game....I mean 1-6....so yeah....lesbians kissing

Juris United (3-4) at Jesus the Moose (5-2) 
ESPN Gameline: Ben by 37.2

Ben is going to win this game so it's not really worth my time to break down the hows and whys.  Instead let's talk about Alan.

Alan thanks for updating your logo.  I was talking to Kendall and we actually do look at your team page more often now.  Since I have been there more often I have worried how you are 3-4.  You should be 1-6 in my opinion.  I could count on my dick the number of keepers you presently have on your roster and it's not Sam Bradford.  If I were in your situation (and I have been) I would sell everything but Thomas for a decent keeper.

If you think I am off base about your season consider the fact you have to play Ben, Kendall, and Paul.  You will lose each of those games by 20+ points.  That means the best you could do this season is 6-7.  You're not going to the playoffs so sell sell sell.


Voodoo Browns (3-4) at Barclay Bruisers (5-2)
ESPN Gameline: Paul by 42.8

Wow...I really wish I could write something inspiring about this game but Joe's team of very mild players are on bye. Paul is not in a great position with 1/3 of his team on bye, but Peyton Manning is playing so that will be enough this week.

Joe let's talk.  You are 3-4 with the worst possible schedule to come. You have Paul this week, then Russ, Me, Nathan, Ben, and finally Kendall.  There is a real chance you will be 3-10 at the end of this season. That's not good and  I could use my balls to count your keepers. But on the upside, that means you are one keeper away from going into next season in good shape.  Just forget about today and focus on tomorrow.

PS: Paul please change your logo.  It pisses me off.  Try this...

http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/73/87/catfight,girls,muddy,women-7387d5cf1b98a9aeaa52f85ec3ec18f4_h.jpg


Thunder Bear (4-3) at Champeens (3-4) 
ESPN Gameline: Mark by 2.5

This is the game of the week.  Both of these teams are on the edge and need more than anything to win.

Mark if you lose it's fucking over.  You are not going to go to playoffs with 5 loses.  You have a less than average chance of riding a 6-0 run, and the first step is a win over Nathan.  Nathan is weak right now and all you really need is a replacement for James Jones (WR) who is probably not going to play since he hasn't practiced this week.

Nathan has Reggie Bush (RB) and RGIII (QB) playing Denver.  That should play out well, but Mark has his points spread out over a bunch of guys and is the reluctant king of IDPs.

Give this shit to Mark.

PS: Both of these guys have pretty easy schedules for the rest of the season so the winner will be the dark horse for the playoffs.  Book it.